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to enjoy the idea of motherhood more than the reality of it?

(116 Posts)
PacificDogwood Fri 12-Jun-15 16:24:30


Just that.

There's some other shit going on in my life and I do love my children and am fully aware how very, very lucky I am to have them (I came to motherhood late in life).
But I don't like what it has done to me.
And I really don't like every aspect of it.
I was in tears this morning over a shouted 'I hate you!' from DS4(5) which was only the straw that broke the camels sad back - somebody please hand me a grip.


JimmyCorkhill Fri 12-Jun-15 16:35:38

Have some flowers instead of a grip.

RackofPeas Fri 12-Jun-15 17:02:01

DS1 nearly sent me off the edge last week. He shouted "I don't like you Mummy, go away!" as I wouldn't let him hit his brother over the head.
So I did.
There's lots of motherhood I don't enjoy, the stinky nappies, the broken sleep, the constant whinge-fest that is my four year old son most days. The sense of relief when I wave him off to preschool some mornings....

On the other hand he came down in the morning last week and told me I looked nice in my new top and he likes 'reading' his baby brother a bedtime story.

You don't need a grip, but you can have a virtual and very un-mumsnet hug. Some days I just want to hide under the duvet in the hopes they'll go away and leave me alone. Other days - they make up for it.
flowers and brew

Nolim Fri 12-Jun-15 17:08:20


LapsedTwentysomething Fri 12-Jun-15 17:11:58

YANBU. Motherhood is perhaps the most glorified aspect of life - part of the whole guilt tripping of women. The actual day to day of it is humdrum to excruciating though.

Don't get me wrong, I adore my DCs and genuinely wouldn't change a thing. But there are times, like now when DS wants a sleep / doesn't want a sleep; wants milk / doesn't want milk; wants the duvet on / doesn't want it on and screams about it all at 10,000 decibels that I know I couldn't be a SAHM 24/7.

Don't beat yourself up. You're human.

ginorwine Fri 12-Jun-15 17:38:46

I really do think this is the reality of it .
It's not you .
No one tells you - or can't explain it before you do it .
For those who don't have dc it must look a nightmare . Indeed it can be .
However , there is this love . When you look at ur dc - and I can't say when they are asleep anymore as mine are teens and stay up later than me ! But - you know what I mean !!!

PacificDogwood Fri 12-Jun-15 18:57:52

Oh yes, I do think I love them the most when they are asleep. Or away.

At least it's wine o'clock now - or should I have some Mother's Ruin? wink

ScrumpyBetty Fri 12-Jun-15 19:23:48

flowers you are not alone

We all have days like this. I am definately worse when I am tired.

Have a big glass of wine. And some cake too. wine cake

answersonapostcardplease Fri 12-Jun-15 19:27:42

You are not Dd3 (6) told me she wants to live with her dad if we divorcehmm that finished me off. -- tough luck dd you'll be livkng with me--

chutneypig Fri 12-Jun-15 19:28:38

I remember thinking a few years back that they were particularly lovely. I was on the other side of the Atlatntic grin. The feeling lasted until DS decided to drop his trousers on FaceTime.

answersonapostcardplease Fri 12-Jun-15 19:35:43

I love mine most when asleep too. So angelic. And wven more if I've had

DixieNormas Fri 12-Jun-15 19:48:07

Dp spent all day yesterday staining the decking. He then did a bit of glossing today, while he was cleaning the windows ds3 (4) got hold of the gloss brush and painted a substantial piece if the decking white.

The child almost breaks me every week

MorrisZapp Fri 12-Jun-15 19:50:50

Lol, my DS bared his adorable derriere on face time too smile

Must be some arse related instinct in children.

Nerris Fri 12-Jun-15 19:59:49

Some days it's like living with two pint sized Mariah Carey's. I feel your pain.

Focusfocus Fri 12-Jun-15 20:23:56

Oh god. I am pregnant with DC1. What have I done.

museumum Fri 12-Jun-15 20:30:24

Well it sounds like you must have at least four children and they are around primary age. I can't imagine how that's anything but hard work!!

Writerwannabe83 Fri 12-Jun-15 20:35:33

My 14 month old is being particularly challenging at the moment. I absolutely love the bones of him but sometimes it's just so hard, so emotionally and physically draining.

Keep your chin up, I think we all feel like this at times flowers

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom Fri 12-Jun-15 20:39:46

Oh Pacific. Would never have guessed this would be you. You are down the line from me so no advice. But have some thanks

I think the killer combo with parenting is no escape and the fact that you are not 'allowed' to moan about a bad day or month like you can at work.

TheOldestCat Fri 12-Jun-15 20:42:14

I hear you. Love the idea of parenthood, and love my two, but the responsibility and the relentless nature of it - gah.

NickyEds Fri 12-Jun-15 20:45:11

I was a fantastic mother until ds was bornsmile. In my head i was the organised one who baked, did crafts and shit like that. My son would be well behaved, fed only organic homemade food and have that plenty-of-exercise glow. In reality I'm the shouty one who's 18 month old is, frankly borderline feral.

EthelDurant123 Fri 12-Jun-15 20:48:11

My daughter is 8 and going thru an I Know Better Than You and I'll Question Everything Mummy asks me to Do stage.

Parenting is the hardest thing I have ever undertaken. I am constantly trying to find childcare (I work shifts) shelling out on stuff she needs, and I feel a loss of freedom. I have never seen one thing thru to the end and am forced to in this case.

Apart from the phases of difficulty, my girl is a well behaved, academically bright, loving child and on our good days I am so glad that I know her.

BabyOnBoob Fri 12-Jun-15 20:49:12

Yanbu and flowers

I'm sticking at 1. I love my baby to pieces but it's so hard being a parent.

WhatsGoingOnEh Fri 12-Jun-15 20:52:52


frosties24 Fri 12-Jun-15 21:02:12

Such a refreshing thread to read, and grin at NickyEds. I've come downstairs with a headache and the desire the shout "shut the up" at all the whining, but I resisted. Once they are asleep they are perfect though

frosties24 Fri 12-Jun-15 21:02:51

*shut the fuck up

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