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To suggest people give DS money rather than a present?

(131 Posts)
Pepperpotts66 Fri 12-Jun-15 15:45:27

DS1 is 5 in a few weeks and is having a big party. He is crazy about Thunderbirds and wants the new Tracy Island that comes out in August. I've already bought him the vintage thunderbird models off ebay for him and can't really buy the island too, plus it doesn't come out until after his birthday. I've explained its very expensive and that it could be a Christmas present or he can save up his pocket money and any birthday money he gets. The thing is he now wants to ask his friends and family for money on the party invites rather than presents and I'm not sure if people would be offended by this?

I was wondering if on the invite I put a small note saying that if people are stuck for an idea as to what to get him he is collecting money for Tracy island but that we don't expect people to give money if they don't want to and that we don't exoect people to buy a present if they don't want to. I'm so worried about sounding like we are presuming people will buy him things.

The thing is every year we end up with a pile of presents that he isn't bothered with so I actually think he's come up with a very sensible idea. He's very obsessional and only plays with a few select things, we are actually looking into an ASD diagnosis at the moment. Don't get me wrong he always acts grateful and says thank you for gifts but the end up in the bottom of the toy box unless they're a plane or a train.

Thank you in advance!

Gileswithachainsaw Fri 12-Jun-15 15:51:52

I'd be fine with that as I find giving money and vouchers much easier.

MN however doesn't like not being able to wrap one of their book or toy bargains they congratulate themselves on being organised enough to have purchased to have all birthdays and Xmas covered for 10 years. and a million AiBU threads stating how rude you are. You will get given stuff out of principle. grin

Teaguzzler Fri 12-Jun-15 15:52:29

I wouldn't be at all offended by this but sadly I think many would be. Personally I think all parties should have no presents or money. Easier all round!

emwithme Fri 12-Jun-15 15:52:40

As a (currently childless) Aunty - I'd be fine with that. I have no problem contributing towards a "bigger" present, especially when it means I don't worry about buying some tat that will break on the first go/won't be played with or whatever.

A small note in with (ie not on) the invitation would be just right - something along the lines of "DS is currently saving up to buy a Thunderbirds Tracy Island set so if you are stuck for an idea, contributions would be gratefully received". It'd also point me in the direction of what character to get on a card/gift wrap/small present...

wannabestressfree Fri 12-Jun-15 15:54:15

How about making a little sheet with the store you are getting it from and asking for vouchers from said store. I wouldn't mind that smile

Floralnomad Fri 12-Jun-15 15:55:16

I think its fine for family members/ adult friends but would not put it on an invite for school friends .

sharonthewaspandthewineywall Fri 12-Jun-15 15:58:42

I think it's rude sorry.

howabout Fri 12-Jun-15 15:58:55

YANBU. I hate going round shops looking for presents for school friends and not wanting to spend too much on the wrong thing. Huge sigh of relief when DC and friends all want money instead.

BornToFolk Fri 12-Jun-15 15:59:13

Agree with *Flora". Fine to ask family, especially if they ask for ideas but rude to put it on an invitation for friends.

Could you have a clear out of the toy box to see if there's anything you can flog on ebay/nearly new sales to raise funds? With your DS's involvement/permission of course!

GlitzAndGigglesx Fri 12-Jun-15 15:59:30

It's quite hard to mention without someone taking offence somehow. When I was in primary school a friends parents put on the invite that the friend would prefer money to presents and specified any amount between £10-£20. All the school mums were shock

GahBuggerit Fri 12-Jun-15 16:01:29

if people ask i think its fine, but imo its terribly cheeky to ask for money and tbh i deliberately ignore grabby requests like this and buy what i would normally buy.

or to put it another way, i dont have much money at all and would be mortified that all id have to give is a fiver, i can buy a kid a great pressie for the same amount that would normally cost much more by shopping around.

prepperpig Fri 12-Jun-15 16:04:50

I'd have been shock at being asked to contribute between £10 and £20 and TBH we would have been "busy" that weekend.

I think asking school friends (therefore in reality parents of school friends) for money puts people in a difficult position. Some people might spend £10 on a school birthday present, some might only ever spend four or five pounds but then feel embarrassed putting that sort of money in a card. Lots of people I know have a stash of things they pick up in the sales for a couple of quid. That's why I think it's rude.

Family or close adult friends - no problem whatsoever.

AlmaMartyr Fri 12-Jun-15 16:07:24

I really wouldn't mind this. I don't spend much on school kids, and never know what to get them so would happily put £5 in a card for one. But then, I never mind gift lists and money requests and don't see them as grabby.

Lots of people would mind though I think.

crazykat Fri 12-Jun-15 16:07:55

I think it's fine for family, we've always asked what nieces and nephews would like for Christmas and birthdays.

I wouldn't put it on the invites for school friends though as it will come across as rude and/or grabby.

Only1scoop Fri 12-Jun-15 16:10:23

I personally wouldn't do it

I wouldn't be greatly offended though nicer maybe to ask for vouchers for a particular place to buy it from?

ShakesBootyFlabWobbles Fri 12-Jun-15 16:17:16

I wouldn't mind at all and would be glad it was so easy. I have no emotional investment in buying gifts for schoolfriends' parties.

However, if you are a mum at Mylene's school, prepare for the Twitter/Daily Wail all out wink

Just do it, I mean, do you really care what other parents think about something so harmless? If they don't come well that'll cost you less for the party. Win win.

GahBuggerit Fri 12-Jun-15 16:21:45

vouchers is still grabby though, just asking for cash but making it harder as the person has to then go out, hand over cash, in exchange for cash confused

call me a knob, but it always makes me look at a person differently if they have the front to expect a gift, and then specify what the gift should be aswell without being asked. yes theres always the disclaimer of "were not expecting a gift, oh no, but if you were going to buy one please get this", well if you werent expecting a gift why say it?!

sadwidow28 Fri 12-Jun-15 16:22:14

I am a doting Aunty, but hated giving money for AN UNSPECIFIED ITEM.

This year, 15 yr old DN sent me a message to say he was saving all his Christmas and birthday money for a super-duper X-box thing..... I was more than happy to throw my money into the pot. A BIG TICK on my present list. DONE

However, I have been invited to weddings and wedding anniversary celebrations where they ask (on the invitation) for money. I end up putting in more than I can afford - because I am good at seeking out bargains and half price offers when it comes to gifts and £30-£40 looks mean in some circles!

I see that GahBuggerit says the same. Some of us are great at finding bargains and making £5 spending s t r e t c h .....

I would NOT put it on the birthday invitation - but if anyone asks for ideas, that is when you can say what your DS' idea is.

Have a read of the Myleen Klass article and then think how you would avoid the fall-out:

GahBuggerit Fri 12-Jun-15 16:25:01

sad, my best barg was a £20 trash pack thing i got for £3 on Amazon, im still VERY proud of that one grin

Only1scoop Fri 12-Jun-15 16:25:41

I would to be honest especially at only 5.

PtolemysNeedle Fri 12-Jun-15 16:26:55

I wouldn't like it, at 5 I think it's good for children to choose gifts they think their friend will like, and to think about choosing something within budget, so it wouldn't like to be made to feel that whatever we choose won't be appreciated as much because you've already said you prefer money.

I think if people ask you then it means that they aren't so bothered about choosing a gift with their child, and then it would be ok to make a suggestion of a small amount of money, but it's rude to put it on the invitations.

Mrsjayy Fri 12-Jun-15 16:27:46

Family friends who ask is fine asking school friends is a bit cheeky but if parents ask then say to them that he is saving for tracy island.

sadwidow28 Fri 12-Jun-15 16:27:58

GahBuggerit - you beat me! My claim is to getting a £45 lego thingy for £17.00 ... I treated myself to a latte coffee with the £3 I had just saved grin

chanie44 Fri 12-Jun-15 16:29:29

Personally, I'm happy with gift lists and ideas, but I know not everyone is.

I think it's fine to suggest to friends and family, but I wouldn't make the request to school friends unless I knew them well enough.

I live in quite a deprived area and I wouldn't want to put pressure on a family to feel they have to contribute more than they would have.

In saying that, ds has his 5th birthday a couple of weeks ago and quite a few parents asked what ds liked, so there opportunities to broach the subject.

GahBuggerit Fri 12-Jun-15 16:32:07

thats a pretty good find Sad. it has backfired on me though, got ds a hologram game type thing for £6 that rrpd at about 30. Great. Not. Its the shittest most complicated thing ive ever had to construct and im forever stepping on tiny bits of plastic tat. ds loved it though.

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