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Bored of hearing women belly aching about 'emotional abuse' on here and in RL when most of the time the relationship has just run its course and clearly needs to end! Anyone else?

(201 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

confusedoflondon Fri 12-Jun-15 15:36:31

Just that really. 'Emotional abuse' is becoming a much over used term IMHO. People act badly particularly in relationships they may perceive themselves to be stuck in, that's life. Thoughts?

WellErrr Fri 12-Jun-15 15:39:24

Hope you've got a hard hat OP...

notsurewot2do32 Fri 12-Jun-15 15:41:04

You sound wonderful...

amothersplaceisinthewrong Fri 12-Jun-15 15:41:12

It does seem to me that on here a man only has to say to his wife/partner "I don't like your hair/dress/car" and shouts of "Emotional abuse" are heard.

Balders74 Fri 12-Jun-15 15:42:32

I disagree. My STBXH was EA from very early on in our relationship but I didn't recognise it and/or think I deserved any better.

Some people do not know or have never been taught how to treat people correctly. In my case I think he just didn't care what anyone thought of his behaviour. He still does not accept that he has done anything wrong.

So I think in some cases you may be correct but in most it is actually because some men can be arseholes.

Good luck with this thread. I suspect you may have opened a can of worms.

SoozeyHoozey Fri 12-Jun-15 15:43:01

You sound incredibly mean and dismissive op and you make vast generalisations. Of course some will wrongly identify emotional abuse but I think it's much more common for women to tolerate it and normalise it for a long time.

ChaiseLounger Fri 12-Jun-15 15:43:38

On MN people have different views to me on what constitutes emotional abuse.
I do think it's a very serious term, and should be taken seriously, and is over use these days.

Joysmum Fri 12-Jun-15 15:51:58

I have to say I used to agree when I first started out on here.

There is a bias towards negativity and assuming the worst.

Unfortunately though, as time has gone on I've realise that people post about one issue that rankles, then as things progress more and more comes to light.

You realise that very few people post on here to rant, they tend to post when things become unbearable but they have been conditioned to assume it's normal or they are unreasonable.

Sometimes though I think things are simpler and find myself being a lone voice of dissent. Other times I just take it to PMs because it goes again forum general concensus and I'd like to share my story without being attacked for it.

squizita Fri 12-Jun-15 15:54:24

The only person I know who got on their high horse like this, about this issue, was an emotional abuser aghast that their "normal" wad considered abuse. They were raised in a dog eat dog, bitchy, secretive, physically violent home so to them just being rude/belittling/hyper competitive was soft and gentle.

It was kind of sad but infuriating to see them realise that they might need to seriously change as that was why only one doormat person liked them but then fight it with daily mail high dudgeon.

throwingpebbles Fri 12-Jun-15 15:56:32

I remember posting on here, describing what was going on in my marriage and everyone saying it was emotional abuse, except the odd dissenting voice.... I chose to believe the dissenting voices and stayed with him putting up with his behaviour and within a year I was suicidal, eventually got a great psychiatrist and psychologist and they identified very quickly that my state of mind was due to "emotional abuse". I wish I had listened sooner!

confusedoflondon Fri 12-Jun-15 15:58:54

I just think that the majority of things I hear labelled as emotional abuse on here and in RL are unpleasant undoubtedly but mostly the result of refusing to see/accept the blinding fact that two people are simply not/no longer compatible.

throwingpebbles Fri 12-Jun-15 15:59:28

Agree with joys mum "people tend to post when things have become unbearable but they have been conditioned to assume it's normal or they are unreasonable"

tiktok Fri 12-Jun-15 16:02:39

I lurk a lot in this folder - I don't think I have ever read a thread in which 'emotional abuse' was used incorrectly. It might start off as a report of one or two negative comments, but as the thread gets longer and the poster adds more to it, it inevitably becomes clearer that there is an element of abuse there - sometimes a really serious one.

confusedoflondon Fri 12-Jun-15 16:03:20

From first hand and friends experience all in retrospect we've realised our exes weren't particularly evil or abusive we were all just in the wrong relationships = negative situation breeds negative behaviour.

pocketsaviour Fri 12-Jun-15 16:05:10

My experience is in line with Joysmum. I used to think the term was bandied about too freely, but now I realise it's actually a hell of a lot more common than you'd think.

confusedoflondon Fri 12-Jun-15 16:05:12

But however it is labelled if you are unhappy why stay and for want of a better word complain about it. That's the bottom line.

confusedoflondon Fri 12-Jun-15 16:06:06

I think incompatibility in relationships is hugely common. I still think labelling a person emotionally abusive is all too common too.

LovelyFriend Fri 12-Jun-15 16:06:51

I think you don't know what the fuck you are talking about, and you are being thoughtless and mean.

confusedoflondon Fri 12-Jun-15 16:09:21

I think you're being abusive lovelyfriend ! But hey!

throwingpebbles Fri 12-Jun-15 16:09:42

Well maybe you and your friends were two quick to label your EX s as abusive but don't project that on to everyone else. I wish I had seen it faster in my case. And the more time I am out of the relationship the more awful I realise his behaviour was

confusedoflondon Fri 12-Jun-15 16:10:02

I'm neither by the way, thoughtless or mean. But you're entitled to your abusive opinion.

LovelyFriend Fri 12-Jun-15 16:10:39

But by all means keep on with your dismissing of people raising emotional abuse issues in their lives/home/faces/space as "belly aching" and implying they are making it up.

It's not like they wouldn't have heard that before - usually from the people who are abusing them.


Why are 'things that indicate that a relationship is over' and emotional abuse mutually exclusive?

You are, of course, entitled to your opinion, but what you have said will be very hurtful to people who are suffering emotional abuse - and is it right to post a thread like this, in a space where people should feel safe, and able to talk about the things that are making them unhappy.

confusedoflondon Fri 12-Jun-15 16:10:50

I'm not projecting anything. I am genuinely bored of it. That's my call.

LovelyFriend Fri 12-Jun-15 16:11:49

But however it is labelled if you are unhappy why stay and for want of a better word complain about it.
You also seem to be very ignorant.

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