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Wish he'd come home before sunrise

(33 Posts)
7amWakeUp Thu 11-Jun-15 23:50:08

Have a 3 year old and a baby

For the last two months ish DH has been out about once a week and not coming home until 2am earliest but usually more like 5am, and stinks of drink the next day

Aibu to be so fed up of it I'm thinking of giving him an ultimatum?

UglyJellyShoes90 Fri 12-Jun-15 00:11:09

How would he react if you did the same? I wouldn't bother giving him an ultimatum. I'd put his clothes in a bag and leave them on the doorstep. With the key in the door so he can't get in. I've actually done this. The look on their face when they discover the bag has their clothes in it, is priceless wink.

Eminado Fri 12-Jun-15 00:14:39

As above, I would not tolerate this.

And I wouldnt be able to summon the energy to explain to a fully grown adult why this behaviour is not acceptable.

You have 2 kids to raise, dont allow it to be 3 unless you have another baby.

fearandloathinginambridge Fri 12-Jun-15 00:38:19

If he isn't getting home until 5am I would be wondering if Class A's were involved.

Itsraininginbaltimore Fri 12-Jun-15 00:41:27

Once in a blue moon might be tolerable. Once a week most definitely is not.

You need to have a serious conversation.

7amWakeUp Fri 12-Jun-15 00:47:10

Yeah I wouldn't mind if it was every now and then but it's taking the piss now

swiggityswoogity Fri 12-Jun-15 07:13:43

can't believe what I am reading what would you be saying if a man locked a woman out? Abuse? controlling? The eponymous red flag?

if you don't like it, split.

maybe the next guy will. be a fan of night fishing and you can big him and replace him with someone who works nightshirt or. we gets up early to go lay pigeon shooting.

TheChandler Fri 12-Jun-15 07:21:17

swiggity what on earth...?

I think locking the door is a reasonable thing to do from a safety point of view.

If an adult cannot get themselves home safely without putting others at risk and without stinking of drink on a weekly basis, I cannot think why you would continue living with them.

7amWakeUp Fri 12-Jun-15 08:11:00

I could never marry a man who shoots clay pigeons for fun, it should be banned as a sport

It was only 2:30am last night so not too bad, he is at work now ha ha

NinkyNonkers Fri 12-Jun-15 08:12:45

What's wrong with shooting clays?

Finola1step Fri 12-Jun-15 08:14:03

Clay pigeons, banned? Why?
wanders in, goes off topic, wanders out

ilovesooty Fri 12-Jun-15 08:14:45

I hope he didn't drive to work. Perhaps he won't have a job for much longer if he turns up stinking of drink.

NerrSnerr Fri 12-Jun-15 08:17:49

You need to talk to him and reach a compromise. I wouldn't be happy with my husband coming home at 5am stinking of booze. He isn't driving to work is he?

I'm also wondering what's wrong with clay pigeon shooting...

eurochick Fri 12-Jun-15 08:19:49

Wtf? (To the clay pigeon comment.)

ImperialBlether Fri 12-Jun-15 08:20:41

What's he doing until 5 am, OP? I didn't realise there were many places open until that time in most smaller towns on a weekday. Are you in a big city or is he going back to friends' houses to drink?

SoupDragon Fri 12-Jun-15 08:21:51

Those poor clay disks pigeons sad

whois Fri 12-Jun-15 08:22:37

Op doesn't know the difference between an alive bird which you kill when shooting it, and a ceramic disc thrown in the air which you shoot at.

If he's staying out until 5 is say he is either with another woman or round a friends house doing coke.

SoupDragon Fri 12-Jun-15 08:23:07

Anyway, where does he say he has been? What does he say when you try to discuss it?

QueefOfTheSporned Fri 12-Jun-15 08:23:38

What harm is there in shooting clay pigeons. I rather enjoy it.

<misses point of thread>

7amWakeUp Fri 12-Jun-15 08:29:36

Oh are clay pigeons not a type of bird then?

Skirting around the issue as a bit embarrassed about posting when I was tired and annoyed last night

7amWakeUp Fri 12-Jun-15 08:31:59

Just googled clay pigeons and there was a picture of a lady in a bikini holding a gun. Bet that's where he's been saucy bugger

UglyJellyShoes90 Fri 12-Jun-15 09:31:22

hmm

DextersMistress Fri 12-Jun-15 09:35:12

grin

Peanut14 Fri 12-Jun-15 09:51:10

You need to speak to your partner asap, if this is how he behaves now it will get progressively worse, he'll stay out longer and think it is ok for him to do it. Tell him he has responsibilities and he needs to step up or get lost. Once every so often is ok but not all the time (he obviously thinks it's ok to to it)

shovetheholly Fri 12-Jun-15 09:52:56

It's rubbish that this necessarily means he's having an affair. (Of course, it's a possibility, but it is by no means the only or even the most likely explanation).

OP, I know (vaguely) a woman who is in your shoes, though her children are a bit older. Her husband works in a high-powered, high-stress job. They have two young children. He quite often stays out until very late, drinking with colleagues - I would guess at least once a week, I know it is often more. I know this because I am an ex-colleague, and my DH and I have been there with him on the odd occasion. (We normally go home a bit earlier than the 4am that he can drink til though). His drinking buddies are often other men with children who have a pass for a night out. Only they do this occasionally, and he does it every week.

The problem is not another woman - the problem is that he is basically quickly becoming a functional alcoholic. He didn't want children, fell in love with fatherhood when they arrived, and then took on more responsibility and more stress to pay for the family to have nice things. He is a lovely bloke and very good at his job, but it does involve networking after work, so you can see how the slide into this pattern started. sad

I truly believe he still loves his wife and kids deeply, just not perhaps the domestic work. Which is crap of him, because he also made the choice to have children. I think in his head, the fact that she is a full-time mum and he is earning to pay for everything possibly legitimates his absence. I am not sure it really does compensate, though.

I don't know if any of this rings a bell with you, but maybe a conversation about work/life/financial priorities is in order. flowers

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