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To do this to my children???

(50 Posts)
Jaffacakesaremyfave Thu 11-Jun-15 17:36:29

I am a SP with 3 DS aged 6, 9 and 10. I moved 200 miles away from all my family with my boys 3 years ago as I got a place in a very competitive training scheme which involved working full time, completing a part time masters and completing a work based training portfolio.

I am now at the end of the 3 years and recently got a job offer back home near all my family so will hopefully find working and taking care of my DSs much easier. The job is dependent on me becoming qualified and passing all components of my training (I have already passed the Msc).im really struggling to cope with everything and had a breakdown last night about it all. My mum (who lives back home) has offered to look after my boys until my exams are over in 4 weeks time and they will start immediately at their new school on Monday of they leave this weekend.

I am so torn as to what I should do as on the one hand, they boys moving in with my mum temporarily will give me time to revise and complete the portfolio after work as at the moment I massively struggle to do anything once they are home from school. On the other hand, I feel awful changing their school at such short notice and they are already upset about leaving their friends behind so I know they will find leaving at short notice even more difficult.

I'm worried that if they stay with me then I risk failing everything and losing all the work I have put in over the last three years, which would also result in me losing my new job(I am the sole financial provider so would be screwed).

Honest opinions please, am I being selfish or practical by moving them to my mums in the short term. I feel horribly guilty and I know I will miss them terribly. The thought of it makes me want to just quit everything but then I'll be jobless!! I need to make a decision by today

TheGirlFromIpanema Thu 11-Jun-15 17:38:18

Is theer any way your mum could come to you for a bit of swap-over time rather than the ds's going straight to her iyswim?

PacificDogwood Thu 11-Jun-15 17:39:20

YANBU. At all.
Go for it - chance ofa lifetime and all that.
Your DCs might find it hard, but are likely to recover, particularly if your mum is a gran who likes to spoil her grand kids wink
Or could she come to yours to mind them??

answersonapostcardplease Thu 11-Jun-15 17:40:11

I think you need to send your dss to your mums. Its a case of needs must. Remember, all this is for

mrschatty Thu 11-Jun-15 17:40:27

Imo I think it's practical- your future success relies on the completion of exams and portfolio so it's only a temp measure for a long term advantage surely?
How do your children feel? Have you had a chat about all the change? Would they see it as an adventure at grandma's for a while?

NotYouNaanBread Thu 11-Jun-15 17:41:22

Send them to your Mum. They're children. Sometimes children just have to adapt when it's for the greater good like this. They're not going to be in therapy at 35 saying "Well, it all dates back to that time Mum changed our school a couple of weeks earlier than we vaguely expected..."

You have done BRILLIANTLY so far, and you're very nearly there. It's fantastic that your Mum is stepping in like this!

AllThatGlistens Thu 11-Jun-15 17:41:34

It's a very, very short term measure for a long term gain, I'd send them smile

OldBeanbagz Thu 11-Jun-15 17:42:34

Can your mum not come & stay with you for 4 weeks so that your DSs finish the school year?

That way they won't be leaving in a hurry and you'd still get chance to finish your revision, complete your portfolio and start to build a better life for your boys.

newnamejustforthisthread Thu 11-Jun-15 17:46:05

NC as this may well out me!

I and my siblings survived moving home about every 2ish years throughout our childhood, due to my fathers job, and would only ever get 6 week notice that we were moving and no choice at all over where to. We all turned out fine despite multiple changes of school at short notice. Honestly in the scheme of things, this is not a biggie. You are doing this to create a better life for you all, and credit to you, you are amazing doing that and raising 3 boys a a SP! I think its great that your mum can have them while you study. So go for it !

TheoriginalLEM Thu 11-Jun-15 17:48:59

look at it this way - if your children start at the school now rather than in September they will have time to make some friends before the end of term and arrange to spend time with them over the summer.

BabyMurloc Thu 11-Jun-15 17:49:44

I would send them. This is your long worked for chance. In 4 short weeks exams will be over and a bright future surrounded by friends and family lays ahead. Good luck.

GooodMythicalMorning Thu 11-Jun-15 17:51:07

I'd send them to your mum. They'll have fun and you can concentrate better. It's only a short while and will be better for all of you in the long term.

TheoriginalLEM Thu 11-Jun-15 17:51:57

i totally disagree with those suggesting the mum come down to the op. It just wont work and likely to cause more stress as the op won't really be able to concentrate if ww3 breaks out over who gets the blue cup or who is hogging the X box. better that they are away and its four weeks. no time at all.

lagirafe Thu 11-Jun-15 17:52:19

Massive respect for what you're doing.

I would send them. In the grand scheme of things this is nothing and they will adapt.

Good luck x

gwenneh Thu 11-Jun-15 17:52:29

YANBU. Go for it!

Whichseason Thu 11-Jun-15 17:55:11

I agree with a previous poster. Starting a school now means they will be settled into the new school with new friends and they won't be worrying all summer about a change of school. I think this is a better time to move school then September.

Melawen Thu 11-Jun-15 17:55:22

I agree with everybody else - it's only a few weeks and will stand you all in good stead. Do it for the long term gain.

teatowel Thu 11-Jun-15 17:55:35

Send them, but promise they can come back and hold a goodbye party for all their friends?

PinkPearlClutcher Thu 11-Jun-15 17:57:58

If you can get away with it, send your kids to your mum but have them 'home schooled' for the last 4 weeks of term. I don't know how school will take it...but I know people who have done exactly this!

BitOutOfPractice Thu 11-Jun-15 17:58:20

First of all, hats off to you for all your learning and training achievements with 3 young kids and a FT job! I am in awe!

I agree with the PPs that say to send them. It's such a short time but so vital to you

Good luck thanks

FreudiansSlipper Thu 11-Jun-15 18:00:19

Wow to do all that on your own is amazing

Got for it I think all will be fine coming to the end of something can feel overwhelming there is so much pressure you have worked so hard sometimes you have to put your needs first and this is the time it will benefit you all. no doubt they are going to be very spoilt in the time they are staying with nanny

Good luck and really I'm totally in awe of your achievements

Backforthis Thu 11-Jun-15 18:02:13

There are actually a lot of positives to them spending the last few weeks of term at their new school. They will get to know their classmates and make some new friends before the long summer holiday begins. It might be easier for them to be straight into the swing of things at a new place than for them to have an empty 8 weeks thinking of what they're leaving behind and anxious about the unknown.

missnevermind Thu 11-Jun-15 18:06:58

Think of the children as going down early to get settled in. They will love the last few weeks of summer term in the new school. Nobody does any work and they get to make new friends in the sunshine. Come September they will be ready to go back to all the new friends they have made.

MrsHenryMountbattenWindsor Thu 11-Jun-15 18:07:06

Agreeing with everyone else. You've done an amazing job getting this far. You can't risk the last 3 years being for nothing. You've started this journey so now you have to finish it. And starting now or starting in September isn't really very different. And the last half term is a lovely gentle toes-in start to a new school.

Good luck!!

123Jump Thu 11-Jun-15 18:08:13

YANBU OP, send them to your mum.
And I think you are amazing, having completed all you have over the last 3 years.
You are giving your kids such a brilliant example of hard work, sacrifice and seeing things through to achieve a goal.

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