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to be so fed up with school making this my problem every time?

(374 Posts)
velvetspoon Thu 11-Jun-15 08:17:55

DS is in yr12. They completed AS exams last week and are now back to a normal timetable starting their A2 work.

DS was late in on Monday. The subject teacher of his first lesson is away this week, so DS decided it didn't matter if he was late in as would just be a cover teacher.

But of course the school then phone me. Again. Do I not appreciate DS needs to be at school at 0830 daily? Do I not know where he is? And then I explain that when I left the house to go to work, he was preparing to leave so no I didn't know he wasn't there. Etc.

I don't object to them letting me know he's not turned up. What I do object to is that the whole tone of the conversation, every time, is that it's my fault. My responsibility to make sure he's there. Even though he's 16, and I (unlike most mums in this area) do actually have a proper job to go to, so I don't have time to be ferrying him to school, or even dealing with their calls when I should be in meetings.

I already do my level best to get him to school including waking him up every morning - I only do that because otherwise he wouldn't get up in time for school and then I'd be the one getting yet another call from the school and yet again it would be my fault.

I'm trying my best to instil some kind of personal responsibility in my son, and get him to realise he can't just do what he wants but the fact the school only ever have a go at me really doesn't help!

He has a study period first lesson today so is refusing to go in at usual time so I expect another call from the school sometime this morning sad

electionfatigue Thu 11-Jun-15 08:20:18

so DS decided it didn't matter if he was late in as would just be a cover teacher.

That's a shitty attitude and you seem to think it's ok. What sanctions are you putting in place? Do you give him pocket money? privileges at home?

ilovesooty Thu 11-Jun-15 08:20:39

I really don't know what you expect the school to do differently. You are responsible for him and the fact that you cannot be physically there to encourage his attendance on the day is not the school's problem.

popalot Thu 11-Jun-15 08:22:16

What are the school doing to sanction him? Phoning you is not enough, as you can only do so much about it. But yes, sanction him at home because if he wasn't in education he should be working and that's something he needs to learn.

Stinkylinky Thu 11-Jun-15 08:22:21

Your attitude appears to have rubbed off on your son!

morelikeguidelines Thu 11-Jun-15 08:23:10

I think I would say to take it up with him.

I don't think it would be healthy for you to be forcing him in at this age. He should take consequences of own actions.

However if school's policy is all yr 12 students need to be there for all periods then he does need to do this as it is what he signed up for.

MidniteScribbler Thu 11-Jun-15 08:24:05

He's your child! What do you think the school should do, come over, get him out of bed and take him out of his jammies every morning?

He is your responsibility, not the schools, and you are both showing incredible disrespect to the school by not respecting their time. It's obvious where your son gets his attitude from.

HairyMcMary Thu 11-Jun-15 08:24:43

Can you imagine the MN posts from parents who have NOT been informed ?
How do you know they are not also having a go at him?
He is 16, not yet an adult .
Frustrating for you but be annoyed at your DS, not the school.
And drop the martyr act, with your 'unlike other parents...' Etc.
The school are paying you the compliment of assuming that you do care and will want to take action.
But huge sympathies on juggling teen sloth and your work life .
Is his Dad on the scene? Get the school to phone him!

HellKitty Thu 11-Jun-15 08:26:27

I had this with my DS1 yr 12 a couple of weeks ago. It was a study week and a couple of his teachers didn't turn up so he would stay at home, watch half of Jeremy Kyle (I know, I'm a failure) then go in. He got a detention, I didn't get called though. The detention made him go in at the proper time after that where he'd register, stay for an hour or so then come home to study - his science teacher didn't bother showing all week.

No advice but I'm living it too!

NoIsNotACompleteSentence Thu 11-Jun-15 08:26:32

It is YOUR problem.

What exactly do you expect the school to do? Serious question.

Seriouslyffs Thu 11-Jun-15 08:30:25

It is your problem!
DD2 is still on Y12 study leave. hmm

OddBoots Thu 11-Jun-15 08:31:08

It sounds like the school are making sure you know it is not acceptable so it isn't a shock if he is kicked out. It must be hard for sixth forms to get the balance of student and parent responsibility as they all mature at different rates and are legally still children until 18.

PurpleDaisies Thu 11-Jun-15 08:33:16

He is your responsibility. You need to find a way to work it between the two of you so he gets to school on time.

The school are not being unreasonable at all. He has chosen to stay on for AS levels and they do not have to allow him to continue on the course of his attendance, punctuality and attitude don't match their expectations. If he was in a job and behaved like this he would very quickly be fired.

yoursfan Thu 11-Jun-15 08:33:28

Shock horror - school expects parent to take responsibility for their child's behaviour! Whatever next?

YAB massively U. Teach your child how to behave properly.

StonedGalah Thu 11-Jun-15 08:35:05

OP l don't think you have a bad attitude or that it's rubbed off ffs. Your ds is 16, of course he's going to try it on!

You need to explain to him that his education now is up to him. Does he want an exciting career or a boring job? He is going to have to work harder now to get what he wants.

When the school phone thank them for letting you know, tell them he was on his way and then call your ds.

Mn is funny, depending on what the situation is, 16 is old enough to know right from wrong, but then you're expected to walk him to school and hand him over to the class teacher hmm

Golfhotelromeofoxtrot Thu 11-Jun-15 08:35:58

Of course they're talking to him too- but YOU need to sanction him too if this is a reoccurring problem. All those late marks will go on to his employer/university. You need to get him to realise it does matter.

bloodyteenagers Thu 11-Jun-15 08:36:18

I wonder what my boss would say if I was late because I knew someone wouldn't be in.

Of course I would be had a go at.

His attitude stinks and it doesn't matter who is or isn't there, he needs to be there. And yes as a parent it is your job to ensure that he takes it seriously.

GoblinLittleOwl Thu 11-Jun-15 08:36:53

Yes, he is your responsibility, and it is your responsibility to ensure that he arrives at school on time and respects school rules; I suppose ensuring he is out of bed and eats breakfast is completely outside your remit?

ThroughThickAndThin01 Thu 11-Jun-15 08:37:06

Yabu, it is your problem.

Instil some responsibility into your ds and his attitude.

I'm not entirely unsympathetic as I have a ds like this, but he doesn't get away with using school as he feels like.

grapejuicerocks Thu 11-Jun-15 08:38:04

School don't have to have him. It is up to him, but you do need to be involved in teaching him that there are consequences if you do not follow the rules. You don't seem bothered about it so why should he be?

ollieplimsoles Thu 11-Jun-15 08:38:28

I'm sorry but I think the school need to calm down. He's 16 for Christ sake, he has study periods and he should be expected to manage them himself. What responsibility is he going to learn if the school keep running to mummy when he's not there bang on 8.30. Exams are extremely stressful, and the school's attitude is just going to stifle him.

When I was doing AS/A2 levels (not long ago) I sometimes needed to use my home computer for essays or go to a library in my free periods. The last thing I would have needed is the school ringing my mum (who would have thought it ridiculous) telling her to get me in line!

Golfhotelromeofoxtrot Thu 11-Jun-15 08:38:43

stoned not one poster has suggested waking him to school- they've suggested that her 'it isn't important' attitude has clearly rubbed off on her son.

Cover lessons are still important, you can't just opt out of them. Study periods are for studying in, he can't just miss them.

If he doesn't want to go to lessons or study, I would strongly suggest college isn't the right place for him.

NoIsNotACompleteSentence Thu 11-Jun-15 08:42:30

Is this the one with a record of poor attendance already?

Dawndonnaagain Thu 11-Jun-15 08:44:03

(unlike most mums in this area)
and the point of this was?

velvetspoon Thu 11-Jun-15 08:45:04

I'm not saying it's not important.

I have told him that school rules say he needs to be there, so that's what he should be doing.

My issue is that they should be telling him, not me (or rather telling him and notifying me). He is 16 and could be working as many of his friends are, and I know his employers wouldn't be calling me if he was late!

I cannot take him to school. He's been taking himself to school since he was 10/11, he is 16 now. I have imposed sanctions over this (not pocket money because he doesn't get any) but it doesn't help when he knows it's only me getting it in the neck from his school.

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