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Babynamechange update :(

(41 Posts)
Babynamechange Wed 10-Jun-15 21:37:48

Sorry if this makes no sense to someone not familiar with our story, but reposting here for traffic really.... Anyway this is what's happened now and I just don't know what to do sad

I've now had the letter back from SS and although the letter makes it clear that DS is thriving in my care and at no risk of emotional harm from me etc, you would have no idea from reading it what has gone on. It's like the whole letter is about placating his dad and covering their arse

It makes statements like its is clear that Mr x loves DS very much and wants what is best for DS his own way, and that it is SSs recommendation that unsupervised contact is resumed..etc etc
The following is the most basic list of the stuff they left out sad

No mention was made that he simply didn't turn up for 4 contacts when DS was left at school waiting for him, with no word to DS whatsoever and showing a total lack of regard for DS. Is this seriously the action of the loving parent that SS described or more like the action of someone who finds it impossible to put DS's needs above his own and his more interested in control than anything else.

No mention was made that SS acknowledged that he found it impossible to understand that removing DS from my care was not in DS's best interests....or that they agreed he was unable to consider DS's needs...Or that Lord Justice xxxx noted that 'Mr X was impervious to attempts to point out that DS's welfare was the paramount consideration' and that this attitude was still very much prevalent... Or that they agreed his main motivation was punishing me

No mention of the aggressive and intimidating attitude that he repeatedly displayed to SS and that if they found him intimidating then how would he come across to a 6 year old child

No mention that SS acknowledged that a gradual re-introduction of contact was in DS's best interests.

No mention of the fact that DS NEVER stays at the property that the previous SW visited and that no assessment has been made of the property DS actually stayed at or any observation between him and his dad.

The allegation of indecent photo taking by his dad was simply described as unsubstantiated. No mention was made that DS gave a repeated and consistent and reliable account of what had happened, or that SS stopped contact for 2 months, or that Mr X initially completely denied it accusing me of making it up and that he was going to use it to get DS removed, or that he subsequently admitted to pretending to take the photos for a completely implausible reason hmm

Now I've had a text from him that says the SS letter says that I have to present DS for contact this weekend and that if I don't SS have told him to call the police. Clearly he has received the same letter as me and clearly it does not state anything like this. But the letter has created him being able to feel he can lie and threaten this..

WTF do I do sadsadsadsad SS won't backtrack so I feel like we've been left to hang

I'll tell the ombudsman (who's already involved) but her powers are limited and I just don't know what else to do x

Jelliebabe1 Wed 10-Jun-15 21:43:55

flowers im sorry to hear this. I have read your story before. I have no advice but I wouldn't present him for contact this weekend. Can ss tell you what the arrangement should be???

KrevlornswathoftheDeathwokClan Wed 10-Jun-15 21:44:06

Sounds utterly shit Op. I'm sorry I don't know what to suggest.

BlackeyedSusan Wed 10-Jun-15 21:45:02

((hugs)) or manly pat on the shoulder if you prefer.

oh shit.

WeShouldOpenABar Wed 10-Jun-15 21:49:55

How can you still have the same social workers!! they obviously have some soft/blind spot towards your ex. Can the ombudsman do nothing?!

I'm constantly despairing at your situation but I've never posted before I don't know how you hold it together xx

Babynamechange Wed 10-Jun-15 21:50:36

Thank you xx

I desperately don't want to present him... I'll phone them tomorrow and tell them about the text and try and get some answers but ultimately I know how this works and that they will not address leaving all this stuff out

....and the story of that mum who's on the run with her 3 year old has made me really nervous sad

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant Wed 10-Jun-15 21:52:19

Go and see the CAB or a solicitor first thing tomorrow!
That is the only advice I can give.
Good luck...
And keep a written record of all correspondences.

Melonfool Wed 10-Jun-15 21:53:26

Did he definitely get the same letter though?

Babynamechange Wed 10-Jun-15 21:55:31

Weshouldopenabar, thank you ....this is part of what I wrote in my email to the ombudsman about it.. Which kind of sums it up x

'It would appear to me that SS have taken the easy option rather than considering what's in the best interest of DS. Mr X has made it clear that he will not cooperate in any gradual introduction and feels his parenting cannot be questioned. He has been obstructive at every turn and has not made it easy for SS to perform their investigation. However, instead of this going against him it seem to have helped him no end as SS appear to have conceded to his demands because it is the easier path to take. This is not about me or Mr X, it is about what is best for DS and to that end I implore you to consider the facts. All I ask is for the report to detail the evidence to support SS claim that Mr X has DSs best interest at heart'

Babynamechange Wed 10-Jun-15 21:57:31

Melonfool yes he would have done. All correspondence to both of us has to be open in that regard. He already has form for his 'interpretation' of stuff like that x

Ohfourfoxache Wed 10-Jun-15 21:59:12

Darling what has the ombudsman said so far? X

DollyTwat Wed 10-Jun-15 21:59:33

I just don't get it Baby
Wtf is going on with the social workers? Why is all this stuff being ignored?
I think you really need to consider taking it to court yourself now, so that all this can be said in court

DrJacoby Wed 10-Jun-15 22:00:32

I am so sorry. I have been following and posting since the start under a different name. I don't know what to say, but I'm glad you posted , hopefully someone will have some advice.

Ohfourfoxache Wed 10-Jun-15 22:02:05

Are they investigating SS conduct?

Babynamechange Wed 10-Jun-15 22:04:01

Ohfourfox, just that she's waiting for info from them. I've only just sent her the email about this
I know Dolly, but I think going to court when SS say contract should continue will be a hiding to nothing sad

flowers DrJacoby

Libitina Wed 10-Jun-15 22:04:50

IMO I would wait until you have a letter from SS that states, in black and white, specific dates, times and places for contact and just ignore your ex and his threats.

Disclaimer: I have no legal training and no personal experience in this type of situation.

Babynamechange Wed 10-Jun-15 22:05:03

Yes ...they're investigating SS conduct last year wrt to lying ..basically sad

Ohfourfoxache Wed 10-Jun-15 22:05:28

Are you still in touch with that solicitor?

Ohfourfoxache Wed 10-Jun-15 22:06:40

Can they investigate SS policies justifying maintaining/renewed contact with ShitStreak?

Babynamechange Wed 10-Jun-15 22:11:12

I don't know if her powers extend that far? But I'm guessing it can't hurt for her to I don't know what else to do....
The solicitor has left the firm. It's a long story, but I won't be able to get a contact number for him so I've no one to ask ATM who knows the history x

Libitina I'll try and get something like that, but they've said in the report that contact should continue which arguably is the court ordered schedule sad

Parsley1234 Wed 10-Jun-15 22:11:43

What a load of rubbish baby so sorry to hear that. Can contact be in a contact centre or oes it have to resume as before. God he is a piece of work isn't he your ex unbelievable little ds giving a clear and concise report of the photographing and what ? He gets sidelined and his views negated. I remember the guardian was your exes biggest fave but if I remember your social worker seemed to get the measure of him where is she inall this ? Can you not ask or contact to be supervised? Yes my thoughts are with the woman from Somerset too xxx

CrapBag Wed 10-Jun-15 22:12:14

Oh not again.

I live for the day when you come on and tell us a happy resolution.

How can they be so utterly incompetent! angry How can he be allowed to get away with this again and again and again!

He really is going to think he is untouchable.

What about DS's consistent disclosure of abuse? Is all that being ignored now?

Sadit Wed 10-Jun-15 22:16:01

Thinking of you baby.
No words of advice.
Maybe cunt face will do you a favour and die before the weekend?

Babynamechange Wed 10-Jun-15 22:20:19

They've said unsupervised contact should be resumed so no sad
He is completely untouchable and yes, it's all being disregarded
Sadit ..I wish flowers
That poor woman from Somerset sad

ashtrayheart Wed 10-Jun-15 22:24:30

Oh baby I'm so sorry and pissed off to read this. You must be in bits. Can you post in legal and see if you can get any help? Maybe just don't 'present' him and let him take you back to court. The police won't drag him off to contact will they confused

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