Whoops. Posted too soon.
I have one DD (9) and am no longer with her dad, (we split when she was tiny) although they have a great relationship. I have had a DP for 6yrs and we live together. He is quite well off and although I also have a good job, his pays a lot more than mine. Consequently, since living together, we've been able to afford a quality of life that I wouldn't have been able to afford on my own. DD enjoys 3-4 holidays per year, we do sporting activities that cost a fair bit, and we eat out a lot at weekends etc. As an only child, I would say that DD would get quite a bit at Christmas and birthdays too.
My dd is a lovely child, who is well mannered, helpful and kind to others. In spite of our comfortable life, my goal in life is to ensure she is a good person and not to strive for material goods. We volunteer at a street food project for the homeless and she helps me collect clothing for them, which she loves.
Here's the problem I have. Her dad is constantly making comments about our life and how we are making it difficult for him. He has gone on to have 5 more children with his partner and while they also have good jobs, it's understandably more expensive for them to go on holiday etc or eat out etc and so they rarely do. I constantly explain to my dd that she has two families and that she should never draw comparisons or have expectations. Her dad said that we are making it harder for them to explain to their kids why my dd has all these experiences and their kids don't.
He says I am doing it to piss him off and that I clearly value my lifestyle over family values and therefore DD will only be able to learn the value of family from him, and not me. He has upped the ante considerably win regards to some of the activities that she does when she's on my time, and tells asks dd pointed questions such as ' does your mum ever do anything with you that doesn't cost money? You know...like take you to park or pit for a bike ride?
He makes snidey remarks about any new clothes or shoes she gets, saying they look stupid. He also makes a huge point of doing outdoor 'free fun', which is wonderful, and lovely and normal....except dd has to listen to loads of pointed comments about how 'family time' doesn't have to cost any money.
It's exhausting...to the point that I want to go along with what he has suggested...which is to scale it back a bit, so that my dd doesn't have to listen to these comments, or that I don't have to get snidey texts about being away on holiday again or how my dd has been making her siblings feels bad. ( I know she isn't...she is just telling them what she gets up to, but her dad now tells her to keep it to herself).
WWYD? We really aren't horrible people. We just have one child to focus on and I think I am doing a good job. My ex seems to think that being able to afford certain things cannot go hand in hand with being a decent parent.