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Should we scale it back a bit?

(94 Posts)
WLTMEET Wed 10-Jun-15 19:07:11

Ok before I start, I want to say first off that is isn't a stealth boast, I'm not trying to upset anyone.

NinkyNonkers Wed 10-Jun-15 19:08:23

Maybe not best in aibu then?

WoonerismSpit Wed 10-Jun-15 19:08:31

Thank goodness for that. I was so worried.

thatstoast Wed 10-Jun-15 19:09:21

I think you've scaled your op back a bit too much.

00100001 Wed 10-Jun-15 19:10:22

Scale what back?

FoulsomeAndMaggotwise Wed 10-Jun-15 19:11:31

YABU. So boastful. shock

TheTravellingLemon Wed 10-Jun-15 19:13:04

You really did scale it back!

chairmeoh Wed 10-Jun-15 19:13:53


MoreBeta Wed 10-Jun-15 19:14:14

OK I am guessing you have cancelled the order for one of these and scaled it back to one of those?

Totality22 Wed 10-Jun-15 19:14:46

If it's 2.5k kids party then yes you should!

NoelHeadbands Wed 10-Jun-15 19:15:13


You big headed boasty bugger.

grapejuicerocks Wed 10-Jun-15 19:16:14

Yabu to scale back so much that we've wasted our time opening the post.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Wed 10-Jun-15 19:17:34

There is nothing boasty so far. YANBU

QueefOfTheDamned Wed 10-Jun-15 19:17:56

YABVU to scale back on the number of words in your post.

WLTMEET Wed 10-Jun-15 19:26:47

Whoops. Posted too soon.

I have one DD (9) and am no longer with her dad, (we split when she was tiny) although they have a great relationship. I have had a DP for 6yrs and we live together. He is quite well off and although I also have a good job, his pays a lot more than mine. Consequently, since living together, we've been able to afford a quality of life that I wouldn't have been able to afford on my own. DD enjoys 3-4 holidays per year, we do sporting activities that cost a fair bit, and we eat out a lot at weekends etc. As an only child, I would say that DD would get quite a bit at Christmas and birthdays too.

My dd is a lovely child, who is well mannered, helpful and kind to others. In spite of our comfortable life, my goal in life is to ensure she is a good person and not to strive for material goods. We volunteer at a street food project for the homeless and she helps me collect clothing for them, which she loves.

Here's the problem I have. Her dad is constantly making comments about our life and how we are making it difficult for him. He has gone on to have 5 more children with his partner and while they also have good jobs, it's understandably more expensive for them to go on holiday etc or eat out etc and so they rarely do. I constantly explain to my dd that she has two families and that she should never draw comparisons or have expectations. Her dad said that we are making it harder for them to explain to their kids why my dd has all these experiences and their kids don't.

He says I am doing it to piss him off and that I clearly value my lifestyle over family values and therefore DD will only be able to learn the value of family from him, and not me. He has upped the ante considerably win regards to some of the activities that she does when she's on my time, and tells asks dd pointed questions such as ' does your mum ever do anything with you that doesn't cost money? You take you to park or pit for a bike ride?
He makes snidey remarks about any new clothes or shoes she gets, saying they look stupid. He also makes a huge point of doing outdoor 'free fun', which is wonderful, and lovely and normal....except dd has to listen to loads of pointed comments about how 'family time' doesn't have to cost any money.

It's the point that I want to go along with what he has suggested...which is to scale it back a bit, so that my dd doesn't have to listen to these comments, or that I don't have to get snidey texts about being away on holiday again or how my dd has been making her siblings feels bad. ( I know she isn't...she is just telling them what she gets up to, but her dad now tells her to keep it to herself).

WWYD? We really aren't horrible people. We just have one child to focus on and I think I am doing a good job. My ex seems to think that being able to afford certain things cannot go hand in hand with being a decent parent.

WLTMEET Wed 10-Jun-15 19:27:30

Hahahaha just seen all the replies! smile

karbonfootprint Wed 10-Jun-15 19:30:51

Your DD is old enough to understand that he feels defensive, and take that into account sympathetically, I'm sure

fairyfuckwings Wed 10-Jun-15 19:33:30

No. Fuck that! We're lucky enough to have a similar lifestyle to you. I like holidays, eating out and day trips so that's exactly what we do! He's chosen to have a large family and do "free stuff" - that's his choice. What you chose to do has absolutely nothing to do with your EX.

BrilliantDayForTheRace Wed 10-Jun-15 19:34:49

Scaling it back won't stop the snide remarks. So I certainly wouldn't do that.

WLTMEET Wed 10-Jun-15 19:38:58

I guess I take the remarks about 'family values' personally. He is pretty much calling me a shit mother and says I'm lazy. This is in reference to things like the activities she does being ones that cost and are therefore supervised by leaders and not me. It's also to so with stupid stuff like dd going into the kids club on a holiday and him finding out and saying its a 'pity' I go all that way just to dump her in a club. Whatever I do, he finds a way to bring it back to my lif early and says none of it is about DD and its driven purely by my own selfish wants.

FlyingPirate Wed 10-Jun-15 19:39:09

If he's anyhing like my Ex he'll just find something else to be snide about

WLTMEET Wed 10-Jun-15 19:41:12

We are going on a kids themed holiday this summer (sure you can guess where!) and dd is banned from mentioning it in their houseconfused

grapejuicerocks Wed 10-Jun-15 19:42:00

Explain to dd that he feels bad because he feels guilty. his other DC dont get the same, but also tell her that he chose to have that many children so she should take no notice. Encourage her to see it from his and the other children's perspective. but make sure she knows it is dads problem not hers and she shouldn't worry about it or feel guilty either, as long as she is not rubbing their noses in it too much. Perhaps she could scale back telling the kids everything when she understands how they can feel. There is a middle ground to tread.

CombineBananaFister Wed 10-Jun-15 19:42:39

YANBU - You seem to be making sure your DD knows the value of things as well as being materially lucky. If hse's not ungrateful or sploit with the lifestyle you have why should you change it because of your Ex's insecurities.

Am sure he does feel it's hard to 'compete' but putting down what you do and being snidey is a horrible position to put your daughter in and surely her welfare comes first not how he feels about not being able to give her the same materially

TwinkieTwinkle Wed 10-Jun-15 19:43:54

Jealousy is a terrible thing. Sounds like he's turned into a green eyed monster. Ignore it and certainly don't change anything.

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