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To Think That You Probably Shouldn't Ask a Question that You Don't Really Want the Answer to?

(11 Posts)
soapydopeybubbles Wed 10-Jun-15 15:53:04

I have long standing mental health issues which became a huge problem when I discovered that I was pregnant with DS. I was initially signed off work very early on in the pregnancy but as my mental health issues became a bigger and bigger problem it was clear that I wasn't going to be able to go back until after DS was born.

During my whole pregnancy (once DH explained to them what was going on) they were hugely supportive and I felt like they were on my side in a way that hadn't been since my mental health issues first cropped up as a teenager.

I did go back to work when DS was five months because I really wanted to and felt able to do my job but just after his first birthday I really began to struggle again. My GP recommended that I had some time off so that I could be seen by a psychiatrist and have various changes made to my medication.

I was a bit reluctant to tell my parents that I was off work again because they seem to think that you should go to work every day without fail unless you're on maternity leave or actually dying. My Dad insisted on going to work and refusing to see his GP even though he was popping Paracetamol like tic tacs and continued to do so for months. When he did eventually go the GP sent him straight to hospital for his hugely elevated blood pressure and high stroke risk but he still couldn't see that his behaviour had been foolish at best.

I phone my parents regularly because they live several hours away and we don't see them that often. One day it came out that I was off work and while they clearly weren't impressed they mostly managed to keep their thoughts to themselves. I told them I'd keep them updated and let them know when I went back to work.

I phoned them one evening last week for a chat with my Mum and my Dad answered the phone. There was no 'How are you?' or 'How are things going, are you getting anywhere?', I simply got 'Are you back to work yet?'

I was a bit caught out and so simply said 'No' whereupon I received a deluge of 'Why the Hell not?', 'You just need to buck up', 'Why aren't you doing anything to sort this out?'

AIBU to think that, by asking a question he knew that he probably wasn't going to like the answer to, he had no right to get angry with me when he didn't get the answer to?

soapydopeybubbles Wed 10-Jun-15 15:54:45

I've just realised how huge my OP is so many thanks if you've read the whole thing. I just started typing and couldn't seem to stop until I'd got everything out of my brain and onto the screen.

Theycallmemellowjello Wed 10-Jun-15 15:55:55

I don't think that he would have any right to get angry even if he'd found out some other way! Of course it's none of their business, presuming you're not financially reliant on them.

QuiteLikely5 Wed 10-Jun-15 15:56:04

Of course he can ask questions, as can anyone - that they might not like the answer to.

I've been in his shoes plenty of times. Especially with my eldest.........

monkeymamma Wed 10-Jun-15 15:57:21

Didn't want to read and run - op you are doing GREAT. Your parents are not being supportive. Many hugs.

Gruntfuttock Wed 10-Jun-15 15:59:36

They have a skewed sense of priorities, if whether you are working or not is the first question, instead of asking how you are. Hurtful too.

ollieplimsoles Wed 10-Jun-15 16:00:52

Instead of fretting about your answer why couldn't they be more supportive?

Whats the point of going back to work if your mental health gets worse- thats not putting the best interests of your little boy first at all. I think you did well to go back when he was five months old given the problems you have had.

Stuff them op, I love hard work but going against doctors for the sake of saving face them them?- no way.

UsedtobeFeckless Wed 10-Jun-15 16:02:02

They need to back right off and let you sort things out at your own pace! Ignore their heckling and take as much time as you need to get your ducks in a row. It sounds as if your workplace is being very supportive - which is great - and how your parents feel about the whole thing is neither here nor there.

Good luck!

Fatmomma99 Wed 10-Jun-15 16:11:48

It sounds like your DH is supportive, OP. You're allowing your parents to have too much power over you. You're an adult, you know all the information, you are making the right choice for you and your family.

Deep breath.

Be strong!

Gruntfuttock Wed 10-Jun-15 16:16:04

You're not answerable to your parents, OP. I'm pleased you're getting support from the people who matter.

soapydopeybubbles Wed 10-Jun-15 16:21:48

Thank you everyone for your replies.

Mellow, no I'm not financially reliant upon them, I haven't had any money from them ever since I left university and got my first job. I don't owe them any money or owe money to anyone else and while things are a bit tight financially we're not remotely struggling.

Momma I suppose I am allowing them to take the upper hand by being upset by their comments. I know I shouldn't let them get to me or allow them to speak to me like that but on this occasion I was so taken aback by the force of disapproval that I couldn't think what to say to take back control.

I certainly haven't gone back to work before I'm ready just to appease them and I have no intentions of doing anything that isn't in the best interests of me, DH and DS.

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