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Or is this the done thing with weddings?

(270 Posts)
ApignamedJasper Wed 10-Jun-15 15:10:59

DP and I have been invited to a wedding next Monday, friend of DP's.

I was invited to the hen do and she (friend) gave me all the details of the ceremony, time, venue etc. I therefore assumed we were invited to the whole day as we had been invited to the ceremony.

Messaged her today to double check the times and whatnot (as we don't have an official 'invite') and found out that we are invited to the ceremony at midday, then expected to go off and amuse ourselves until the evening when we come back for the reception.

Aibu to think this is a bit off?

Maybe it's just because I'm from a culture where if you are invited to a wedding you attend the whole thing but it just seems a bit rude to me. I know some people only get invited to the reception in the evening due to cost/numbers etc and I wouldn't have minded that but it just feels odd to be invited to the ceremony and the reception but not the bit in the middle.

Obviously it is her special day so I'm not going to say anything but it just seems strange to me, DP says this is a completely normal thing for weddings in the UK and that most people do this so maybe IAbu!

LapsedTwentysomething Wed 10-Jun-15 15:14:19

It's not the done thing I don't think, but I have been to a similar wedding. I thought it was weird to send the ceremony guests packing until evening.

Lottapianos Wed 10-Jun-15 15:14:54

'Aibu to think this is a bit off? '

No, you are not unreasonable at all! I have heard of this happening and I think its incredibly rude and entitled, like there's an 'A list' and a 'B list' of guests and you haven't quite made the grade. And what are people supposed to do with themselves for the several hours they are not welcome at the reception? I don't think its 'normal' practice though

Ghastly if you ask me.

SewingBox Wed 10-Jun-15 15:15:05

I don't think it's normal and is a bit off IMO but is becoming increasingly usual, especially where B&G want to invite large numbers of friends who live locally.

cosmicglittergirl Wed 10-Jun-15 15:15:38

So are you missing the speeches etc?

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 Wed 10-Jun-15 15:16:05

I think it means that you are basically invited to the evening but since the ceremony is open to all you can go along if you particularly want to?

I think it sounds a daft way to put it. Where I am its normal to invite a lot more to the afters/evening do, its not a slight at all, but the ceremony plus evening is just odd.

StonedGalah Wed 10-Jun-15 15:17:15

What's the middle bit confused

I think I've only been to weddings where there is a ceremony then reception (after their photos), am l missing something?!

Plonkysaurus Wed 10-Jun-15 15:17:45

What is happening between the ceremony and the reception?

I only ask because we had our ceremony in location A, then the reception started an hour and a half later at location B. Guests were coming from all over the place, and this gave every body chance to check in to a hotel, freshen up, go for a drink etc. The whole reasoning behind it was that we also needed to check in to a hotel before going on to our reception.

knittingdad Wed 10-Jun-15 15:18:03

I think that's a bit off, particularly when you consider that people may have travelled some distance.

ApignamedJasper Wed 10-Jun-15 15:18:18

Lotta, that is exactly how I feel now! Like I've been relegated to the 'not good enough' guests :/

Cosmic I think we are missing everything except the actual wedding ceremony and the party in the evening.

Weebirdie Wed 10-Jun-15 15:19:21

Its an awful way to do it and I'd wouldn't go. Not because I'd be in the huff. I'd just not bother with any of it.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Wed 10-Jun-15 15:19:52

What are they doing between the ceremony and evening reception?

SquareStarfish Wed 10-Jun-15 15:20:03

The only time I've seen this before is on an invite I had to an evening reception which said "you are also welcome to join us at X church at X time."

I didn't bother with the church but went to the evening do. My wedding was in a hotel so would have been a bit odd to incite people and tell them to bugger off dirtying the middle.

Is the ceremony somewhere different to the reception like a church?

Rainicorn Wed 10-Jun-15 15:20:28

Is it a case of "you can come see us get married but then you can't attend the wedding breakfast, just the evening party"?

I've seen a few people do this. Usually it's for work colleagues and not close friends and family members.

If not bother going to the ceremony and just go to the night time.

Lottapianos Wed 10-Jun-15 15:20:41

I would seriously consider not going, but I am a right old grump about weddings anyway. Having 'your special day' is not a licence to act like you are J-Lo!

SquareStarfish Wed 10-Jun-15 15:21:34

Invite and during*
Stupid phone

Cantwaittogonholiday Wed 10-Jun-15 15:21:45

I've been to a couple of weddings like this, knew the Bridge and Groom couldn't really afford to have a big reception so limited the numbers at that. But they did want people at the wedding and the knees up after the reception.

We went off and had something to eat and a drink and then came back for the knees up. Worked out OK and I didn't feel particularly hard done by, it was good to see the actual wedding bit, and we missed out on the speeches and dodgy wedding reception catering.

AbbeyRoadCrossing Wed 10-Jun-15 15:22:38

It seems to be quite common now. Be invited to the ceremony at lunchtime then amuse yourself (translation buy your own dinner grin) until 7 or 8pm evening disco.
I just invited less people but to the whole day as I didn't want to do the A list and B list thing, but most people seem to do this mow

Haggisfish Wed 10-Jun-15 15:23:09

You see, I wouldn't mind at all - certainly not if I'm relatively local to where the wedding is held. If it was miles away rom where I lived I might be a bit more miffed, but the actual ceremony is more important to me than the meal - I'd rather see the ceremony and go to a dance, especially if couple are a bit hard up.

Plonkysaurus Wed 10-Jun-15 15:23:45

Ohh is it that you'll miss out on the wedding breakfast?

Haggisfish Wed 10-Jun-15 15:23:55

And I'd certainly rather do that than just get an invite to the evening do only - can't stand that.

susanstryingterm Wed 10-Jun-15 15:24:34

I've never seen this myself, but have read threads before about it on MN. It's incredibly rude and yet another sign of how some (and I stress some) brides and grooms lose all sense of perspective when planning their wedding.
The norms of good manners just seem to fly out the window and guests are expected to go to huge inconvenience and expense to attend an event designed totally around the needs of the couple, with no regard for anyone else.

Purplehulk Wed 10-Jun-15 15:25:20

I had this with a college friend. We travelled 3 hours to get there. Watched the ceremony then had to amuse ourselves for 4 hours while the reception took place.
We returned for the evening and had to sit outside for an hour while the speeches finished shock

Cantwaittogonholiday Wed 10-Jun-15 15:27:13

I really don't think its rude at all. One of the ones we went to turned into a really lovely day, we'd turned it into a weekend away, and had found a lovely place to eat and booked it for the afternoon. Ate with some other friends and then turned up slightly merry to have a good bop.

So ceremony, nice meal with some people we actually wanted to spend time with, and than a cheesy disco and caught up on the gossip of the day.

Didn't have any problem with it at all!

greenbottleglass Wed 10-Jun-15 15:28:04

I went to one of these and it was AWFUL. Don't go, and then dump them as friends. HTH.

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