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Or do many mums have a 'motive'

(10 Posts)
LovelyBath Wed 10-Jun-15 12:25:02

I seem to get caught up with mums who need me for some reason, to help with thier DC mainly. Think I've been a bit naive, assuming they just want to be freinds, DC to play etc. Recently, as they've reached school age, it's started getting to me. For example, suggesting something lovely for the children like a sleepover then expecting similar in return at a time and date which suits them or suddenly being out on the spot to collect them from school, even to pick them up off the bus and take them to school each day as they've moved house. It can be a bit manipulative, saying they'll be sad / worried eg left at the bus stop making me feel bad... then in another case a very anxious mum with an anxious child convinced my son can help him somehow, it's never simple! I'm not sure why I always seem to get these type of mum friends, is it normal?! I've tried leaving my phone at home to avoid last minute calls at pick up time, due to the calls to pick them up / see them onto the bus etc. I've got my own children to worry about I don't need to get involved being responsible for others too do I? Or am I being unreasonable?

WorraLiberty Wed 10-Jun-15 12:32:08

You're not being unreasonable but you're obviously not being firm enough.

A sympathetic smile with a firm "No, I'm really sorry. I can't help".

That should do it.

Celeriacacaca Wed 10-Jun-15 12:36:10

As Worra says, break the cycle with a firm "No". Keep saying it until they get the hint.

Getthewonderwebout Wed 10-Jun-15 12:37:30

Otherwise known as "Playground Predators".

Nip in the bud now for your own good or you'll have this for years. You will in time develop a radar.

blueshoes Wed 10-Jun-15 13:52:34

Is it reciprocal or do you find that the bulk of the inconvenience seems to be imposed on you.

Are you saying they do a little as a bait and then expect a lot from you?

0x530x610x750x630x79 Wed 10-Jun-15 14:16:19

Or could it be that you are just more organised than these other mums and they are desperate for you to need a favour back?

Hoppinggreen Wed 10-Jun-15 14:22:20

Maybe I'm just lucky but I've never come across this, me and the other mums I know help each other out reciprocally .
However, I do have extreme bitchy resting face so it's pretty rare anyone tries to take advantage ( I'm actually really nice, honest)

arethereanyleftatall Wed 10-Jun-15 14:51:57

I've never really known anyons like this. Friends do help each other out. And it makes absolute sense to organise a sleepover for when you're planning to go out. Saves a babysitter. Then you reciprocate. It's just sensible.

reni1 Wed 10-Jun-15 16:00:31

YANBU. Easy to get around though. Of course you reciprocate sleepovers and play dates, but the host invites. When your children have been at a sleepover you can invite them to a weekend of your choosing, if they ask for a specific one you say no if inconvenient and offer one that suits you. I do emergency pick ups quite happily, but I know I can call on the other parents for my own emergencies.

Fatmomma99 Wed 10-Jun-15 16:17:11

I agree you need to adjust you "no" volume and get in touch with your inner assertiveness. I wondered if you were super organised/sahm while they work/are more scatty?
But either way, you're not responsible for their children, and other for very occasional one-offs for close, established relationships, it's up to YOU to set date/time/parameters about reciprocated play dates/sleep overs.

You seem to be getting quite universal comments to this effect, Lovely, so do some practicing saying "no, sorry, that's not convenient" and then go and try it on the playground so that the relationships work for you too.

You have MN behind you!

And good one for leaving phone at home too!

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