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To be disheartened and frankly fed up with DP (long sorry!!)

(48 Posts)
KeepingUpAppearances1 Tue 09-Jun-15 22:05:59

Okay, this is my first MN post and I need some MN wisdom.

Here's some background, I work 3 days a week as an Estate Agent (I know boooo hiss wink ) my partner works full time.
I do all the cooking, cleaning, washing, shopping without complaint. I don't mind doing it at all after all I don't work as many hours. I make sure there's always cold beers in the fridge and that there is never anything in the laundry basket. I bring DP beers, bring him his tea, knife, fork, sauce, anything he asks really. He has nothing to do around the house except sit and be served.

Yet sometimes, he is still an absolute arse with me. For inexplicable reasons. He just switches from reasonable to unreasonable. We were just watching The Enforcers, and due to my line of work I happened to point out that there is a lengthy time scale from not paying rent to a court order. That's all. I didn't say it was right (I don't think anyone should be made homeless ever) I was just adding to the conversation about it. He then went into a full scale rant at me at how typical it was of me to look down on people and laugh at them. How bad I am as a person and basically insults of that nature. I tried to defend my position by saying actually I didn't laugh at anyone I was just adding to conversation and I got told "just leave it, or we're really going to fall out"

Was I being unreasonable here ? I feel like I do everything I just get nothing back.

WorraLiberty Tue 09-Jun-15 22:08:54

What does the first paragraph about you being a skivvy, have to do with the argument? confused

DorisLessingsCat Tue 09-Jun-15 22:08:56

YANBU but why are you waiting on him like a servant girl hmm

MrsHathaway Tue 09-Jun-15 22:09:56

Do you really have to ask?

What joy does he bring to your life? Are you just a cheap housekeeper he gets to shag?

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange Tue 09-Jun-15 22:10:19

Why just why do you do all that when he doesn't recuperate to you.

I do the lions share as DH works longer than me, but often DH runs me a nice bubbly bath or makes me a coffee and also pitches in with housework.

Euphemia Tue 09-Jun-15 22:11:02

It sounds like he doesn't like you. sad

How are things generally?

LineRunner Tue 09-Jun-15 22:13:06

That all sounds a bit shit.

HFarnsworth20 Tue 09-Jun-15 22:16:53

"...how bad I am as a person.."

Is he looking to have the next beer you bring him rammed down his throat, maybe?

blink1552 Tue 09-Jun-15 22:21:26

YANBU and I think it's completely relevant that you seem to be cast as a skivvy.

Do you think he respects you as his equal? Do you treat yourself as his equal and act like his equal? He sounds like he has precious little respect for you, and I think you doing everything for him probably feeds this. It doesn't make it your fault, but it sounds like you are in a horrible place in this relationship.

IUseAnyName Tue 09-Jun-15 22:23:03

Guessing you dont have children?.... If not, why are you bothering with him?

landrover Tue 09-Jun-15 22:24:22

just out of interest, can tenants really be chucked out with an hours notice if the owner goes bust? I didn't think that was allowed?

AlternativeTentacles Tue 09-Jun-15 22:26:36

He doesnt like you having an opinion, obviously. Do you think he wants you to just be the domestic appliance and shut the fuck up do you think?

HFarnsworth20 Tue 09-Jun-15 22:28:42

Do you have children? If he works FT I'll assume that's 5 days a week; if you work 3 and have all the domestic chores then he's getting a hell of a good deal out of your work (I'll be mean and assume he also gets the benefit of your earnings, too?). You, on the other hand, seem to be getting a shit deal - a FT job doesn't stop you from taking a share of domestic work.

thenightsky Tue 09-Jun-15 22:30:18

I think he's saying 'know your place woman'.

olgaga Tue 09-Jun-15 22:39:42

You don't mention DC.

Ffs what's forcing you to stay with this disrespectful arsehole who doesn't even seem to like you?

Get rid. Life's too short

BackInTheRealWorld Tue 09-Jun-15 22:42:38

I think you waiting on him hand and foot like servant and master isn't going to encourage him to think of you as or treat you as an equal.

magimedi Tue 09-Jun-15 22:52:06

LTB - or at the least stop bringing him cold beers etc etc.

GatoradeMeBitch Tue 09-Jun-15 23:02:08

WorraLiberty - What does the first paragraph about you being a skivvy, have to do with the argument?

OP - I feel like I do everything I just get nothing back.

M00nUnit Tue 09-Jun-15 23:18:01

Why are you doing all that stuff for him? He shouldn't be automatically entitled to a free housekeeper/cook/maid just because he happens to be in a relationship. Plus he's horrible to you. I think you need to stop acting like his servant and make it clear to him that he needs to treat you with respect.

Topseyt Tue 09-Jun-15 23:25:30

Stop doing all that for him for a start.

You aren't his servant. He clearly has no idea what you do and doesn't care either. He thinks his opinion is the only one that counts and he loves the sound of his own voice.

Don't be a martyr for him. He doesn't appreciate it.

Pumpkinpositive Tue 09-Jun-15 23:29:25

I didn't laugh at anyone I was just adding to conversation and I got told "just leave it, or we're really going to fall out"

Can't have that happening, for Gawd's sake. He might have to fetch for himself if you do.

Get rid.

TheCowThatLaughs Tue 09-Jun-15 23:34:10

He sounds tedious and unpleasant
Life's too short for this kind of shit
Ltb

TwinkieTwinkle Tue 09-Jun-15 23:37:17

Oh babe, you're not a bad person. This is not your issue, it is his. He's nasty and aggressive and you need to get away from him. He doesn't deserve you. Please stop blaming yourself, it's what he wants.

Apologies for the 'babe' at the beginning but your post made me copy and paste a message I sent to my best friend.

LumpySpacedPrincess Wed 10-Jun-15 07:09:25

He completely over reacted to an innocuous comment. If this is a one off and he is normally a sweetie, that's fine, we all have off days.

However, if this isn't a one off then he is teaching you to check what you say, to second guess yourself. This will slowly chip away at your confidence.

Only you know if you have changed your behaviour in case it causes offense. Also, you shouldn't be doing all the housework and waiting on him.

tictactoad Wed 10-Jun-15 07:19:29

You're his whipping boy and it won't get any better.

LTB

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