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To be irate about ds being blaise about swimming safety

(21 Posts)
TowerRavenSeven Tue 09-Jun-15 20:31:32

Ds, 13, got together with friend from school. Claimed he told me they were going swimming, he didn't. He came back with such a bad sunburn but what got me irate was that he told me he went swimming in deep water. Ds doesn't swim, he's had lessons and hated them and refuses to go. Since now he's a bit taller I'm confident he's ok in shallow water but he Knows he can do deep water as he doesn't even know how to tread water.
He is so Blaise about it he can't get why I'm so upset!
Dhdoesnt swim either, he hates it but has the sense to stay out of it.
What is a logical consequence besides mandatory lessons Again? Ainu to think it's scary how he doesn't get he can drown?

cardibach Tue 09-Jun-15 20:35:40

Mandatory lessons regardless tbh. All children need to be able to swim (disabilities aside). I'm confused that you are ok with him going swimming with mates at all if he can't do it - your post implies it's the fact he didn't tell you that's annoyed you, not the actual going. I'd be pissed off about the sunburn too.

meglet Tue 09-Jun-15 20:40:50

can you withdraw privileges and persuade him to go to private lessons? (i don't have a teen so not sure how possible this is!).

He needs to learn how to swim, some one-to-one sessions may do it.

followTheyellowbrickRoad Tue 09-Jun-15 20:43:50

Where was he swimming?

TowerRavenSeven Tue 09-Jun-15 20:44:35

He can swim a bit. He has to stay out of deep water because he doesn't tread water well.

GloGirl Tue 09-Jun-15 20:45:33


And print every article I could find on people drowning in open water in the UK

And ground him out of fear that he clearly can't judge danger very well angry

TowerRavenSeven Tue 09-Jun-15 20:46:32

His friend has a house on the lake. I knew about the play date but not about the swimming. I don't even know if it was supervised.

Bair Tue 09-Jun-15 20:49:20

So in the first post he doesn't swim and doesn't even know how to tread water?

And now he can swim a bit and can tread water but not well?

He needs to learn how to swim. Also, unless it's an outdoor pool I'd assume the sunburn is because he was swimming outdoors? If that's the case he wants his head looking at, outdoor swimming requires more skill than pool with lifeguard and no currents, tides, weeds to get tangled in.

YABU to be upset that he's blaise about swimming safety, you should have insisted he learn how to swim.

whois Tue 09-Jun-15 20:57:12

He absolutely needs to attend swimming lessons until he can swim a fair distance.

Being unable to swim is such a handicap.

Also, can you imagine him on a 'lads trip' somewhere hot when he's in sixth form or uni or something? He'll feel like a right wallet if he can't join in and will probably feel loads of presided to jump off the boat or whatever despite not being able to swim.

lunar1 Tue 09-Jun-15 21:03:40

Mandatory swimming lessons, and lots of discussion about water safety are needed.

BewilderedAndAngry Tue 09-Jun-15 21:04:54

No discussion - he must learn to swim.
Really important life skill.

TowerRavenSeven Tue 09-Jun-15 21:09:52

The swimming I mean, supervise do. The other mom was at the house but not sure about the lake.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall Tue 09-Jun-15 21:13:01

Someone local to me drowned swimming in the lake not so long ago. And he could swim.

CatOfTheForest Tue 09-Jun-15 21:21:22

Some people really can't swim. I'm tired of the disapproval I get that DS can't. Multiple swimming teachers have tried and failed. Maybe he will one day but meanwhile we just talk about water safety whenever appropriate and try to be clear about the dangers. However, I do think swimming, while it can definitely help you in some situations like falling off a boat, can also get you into trouble. Swimmers are more likely to try to swim in unwise settings/situations like when they're drunk etc.

GasLIghtShining Tue 09-Jun-15 22:47:27

So dangerous. Each year the newspapers are full of stories of young people drowning. There were a number locally here last year.

Easy to be judgmental but the one thing I would not let my DC give up was swimming lesson until I decided they could

TowerRavenSeven Tue 09-Jun-15 23:44:25

Bair I should have said in my first post he doesn't tread water Well and he doesn't swim Well as in doing the breaststroke across the pool. My beef is I don't trust him in deep water, he knows this and did it anyway.
He can flip around in the water, summersault, hold breath and swim a few yards. I suppose swimming to me means it all - saving yourself if you fell in deep water, swimming breaststroke across the pool, etc, treading water for a bit of time, etc. Not doing all these things means to me he cannot completely swim.
He has had lessons, two sets kids classes and one set private. If you don't keep up with it you have to start all over. He had them at age five, seven and eight. He never made it to the deep water. We moved across country and I was too exhausted to keep fighting him. He can 'play' in the water just fine but playing to me does not equal real true swimming. I'm miffed he forgot to tell me he was going but I'm more fired up about him going in deep water when he clearly knows he shouldn't. We talked about it and he's going to doing the lessons with a neighbor teen who is an expert swimmer, he knows he had no choice. I'm confident he will relearn the basics quickly and she can teach him deep water safety, then I'll make sure we follow it up.
She talks about learning for years then chickens out (they'd go together) which is why it never gets done. I've tried teachers three times and every time he makes such a fuss at first but by the end loves going.

TowerRavenSeven Tue 09-Jun-15 23:48:15

That should have read dh talks about learning

SmillasSenseOfSnow Wed 10-Jun-15 01:06:35

Your husband has a perfect excuse to get lessons since his 13 year old child cannot swim. Why is he unable to step up to the plate?

You're backpedalling an awful lot as well. Life and death situations in open water aren't mitigated by being able to flip around and somersault in the water yet not being able to swim across a pool.

ApeMan Wed 10-Jun-15 09:56:41

Don't be irate. It stops now and he learns to swim, and since he has taken it upon himself to go into "deep water" without the ability to swim strongly, i suggest you demand he takes tests/badges at the local swimming pool rather than just going a few times reassuring you "ok, I've learnt to swim, now".

Being "irate" is for someone banging your front door too loud.

This situation could see your son dead any day if you do not act immediately and without compromise. This is normal common sense protection of life.

InstitutionCode Wed 10-Jun-15 10:16:15

IMO at 13yo, they still need to earn the privilege of freedom and that means showing you they can look after themselves without your supervision.

DS didn't on this occasion, both with the irresponsible swimming and the sunburn. He's probably learned the lesson of sunburn (DS1 got burned on a school trip in yr8 and is now very fussy about suncream) but you still need to make the point that if he can't look after himself, you'll have to do it for him and he shouldn't be allowed out for a while IMO.

With the swimming, I'd be booking and intensive course that DH & DS can do together over the summer. Not optional.

shovetheholly Wed 10-Jun-15 10:32:44

Maybe now he's a bit older - and experiencing how socially important it is to be able to swim - he'll take to the lessons a bit more?

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