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AIBU?

Miss my sister's hen party?

118 replies

Poppy007 · 09/06/2015 15:07

Hi all, i'm new to this and in need of advice/opinions. I am feeling slightly anxious due to the fact my sister's hen party is coming up which involves a three day/two night trip away to a remote part of the UK. My little one will be almost 6 months and is still exclusively breastfed. My husband cannot look after the baby for the weekend as he is away on business therefore care will fall to my (eager) parents who, though entirely competent, are unfamiliar to my little one as they live far from us and haven't seen him for 3 months. I am getting incredibly worried about this for many reasons: my son will be left for a whole weekend with people he doesn't really know and in surroundings he is unfamiliar with; he is not very used to feeding from a bottle; i will be far away and practically unable to return if i need to (we'll be on an island!); and (more selfishly) I will be needing to express like a dairy machine every 3 - 4 hours all weekend. Clearly the easy thing to do would be not to go, except it is highly expected by both my sister and mother that I will be there. Eeek! Any advice? Thanks!

OP posts:

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MegCleary · 09/06/2015 15:11

When is it?

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 09/06/2015 15:12

Hmm, can you take him?

PotteringAlong · 09/06/2015 15:13

I wouldn't go for that long away from an exclusively breastfed 5 month old.

EmmaLL25 · 09/06/2015 15:13

Can you talk to your sister about your concerns.

It is a long time to be away from ebf baby.
Even with pumping you risk your supply and mastitis.
Is it an option for baby to come?
Could you stay in a local B and B with grandparents and join in part of the hen weekend?

Poppy007 · 09/06/2015 15:13

This weekend and no unfortunately I can't take him :-(. Its a bit of a strange one: wild camping, 6 ladies in a 6 man tent . . .

OP posts:

Studyingmummy · 09/06/2015 15:16

A workmate recently had her 6mth old niece at her weekend away hen night due to excl BF. Maybe a possibility? Sounds very stressful having to leave him with people who aren't used to him, constant expressing etc! I would have a heart to heart with your DSis & see if you could take him. Good luck OP!

Studyingmummy · 09/06/2015 15:17

Sorry xpost! In that case I would tell them you can't make it! Sorry!

Poppy007 · 09/06/2015 15:17

I did try to talk to my mum and sis when the hen party was first organised. I said that I didn't feel able to go and they were not at all understanding (which I was surprised about). In the end I booked flights to go to 'keep the peace' and hoping that I would feel ready when the time came. Suddenly its this weekend and I don't feel any more ready. I'm positively dreading it (I know that sounds bad!). Grandparents won't come (expense apart from anything else) so will be pretty far away if I need to get back. I mean i'm sure everyone will be fine, well except me who will spend the whole weekend worrying!

OP posts:

Klayden · 09/06/2015 15:18

I don't think you would be at all unreasonable in these circumstances. You're far away and not contactable with your sons other main carer away,

Stubbed · 09/06/2015 15:18

No way would I have left either of mine at that age. I probably would have camped with them though.
Can you (a) take your own tent or (b) stay at a B&b and just do daytime stuff?

I also wouldn't go ahead just to please her if she didn't understand about little babies. One day she'll realise.

LovesYoungDream · 09/06/2015 15:18

YWNBU for the reasons you have stated. The only other option would be to bring a babysitter and your baby and slip away for feeding

Topseyt · 09/06/2015 15:20

Wild camping would be my idea of hell, so I wouldn't go anyway and the childcare issue would provide the ideal excuse.

Mind you, I am soooo not into hen nights that I refused to even have one of my own., so I may not be the best judge.

Hobby2014 · 09/06/2015 15:21

I wouldn't go.

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 09/06/2015 15:21

I think there is a nasty D&V bug going around which you and DS have got, and you can't risk passing it on to everyone else , especially sleeping in such tight quarters

And hope no one else there is a MNer

makeminea6x · 09/06/2015 15:21

For myself I would either take the baby or not go. But then my sister is lovely and would make allowances for either. As I would if it was my hen party.

MummyLuce · 09/06/2015 15:23

I really wouldn't go...it's really a very long time to leave such a small baby with people he doesn't know, especially when he's breastfeeding and used to feeding from you when he needs to. I have had similar issues before and just didn't go...at the. End of the day it's just a trip and your sister will surely have an ace time anyway.

You could go for a night and part of a day maybe? Maybe just be away 24 hours or something xxx

MummyLuce · 09/06/2015 15:24

Your sister will understand one day! And what has your mum's expectations got to do with anything??

PicaK · 09/06/2015 15:24

Wild camping? How are they expecting you to express? Have they factored that in at all?
I wouldn't go. Pay more than your fair share of costs and just say you can't.
Nicely, apologetically but firmly. You could give yourself mastitis.

awombwithaview · 09/06/2015 15:24

I'd either not go, or take your baby....thing is OP, whilst the hen isn't 'about you' which is what they may say, you'll be worrying all weekend and have a crap time because I know I would and mine are older now (2 & 3) but I couldn't have been away from them for a weekend at that age. Babies need their mummys and your baby is only Young.

I think you should take your baby with you but that's just my opinion. It's easy for non-mums and those whose kids are 35 to not understand your reasons because they forget what it was like. I'm in a similar position with a hen myself but I'm not doing the whole weekend as my DH will spontaneously combust on his own for a weekend

SorchaN · 09/06/2015 15:24

It probably depends on the baby, but the thing is, you don't know how you or the baby will react. I left my first child for a few days at 8 months and she was fine - she took a bottle (formula), and there were no consequences for me; we went back to breastfeeding afterwards for several months.

By contrast, I left my second child for a one day at 5 months old and she refused to feed when I picked her up, and also for the next two days, culminating in a trip to the maternity unit to pump all my excess milk because my breasts were like rocks (I didn't have a pump). She fed fine after that, but it was a hassle.

My view is that the needs of a breastfeeding mother and baby trump all social expectations, but then I'm a bit militant...

GloGirl · 09/06/2015 15:25

I would have no shame in saying no.

sparkysparkysparky · 09/06/2015 15:28

Give her some money for a round of drinks should they make it to a pub or a midnight feast or whatever they have planned and stay home.

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Poppy007 · 09/06/2015 15:29

Thank you all so much for your words of wisdom/advice. I think I just need a bit of reassurance that i'm not being unreasonable/precious! No one else on the hen party is a mother so I guess its difficult for them to understand my situation. I've just called the airline to enquire about adding a baby to the booking and they said it is possible. Now to approach my sister on the issue . . .

OP posts:

CleverPlansAndSecretTricks · 09/06/2015 15:30

I wouldn't go. I had a weekend booked away just recently which I cancelled because I couldn't bear to leave my still bf 18 month old for that long! I think at 6 months and bf you are still so hormonal you will just feel anxious and sad if you leave him when you don't want to. I would personally borrow a tent (so you're not sharing) and take him! Depends how much of a happy camper you are though

Stealthpolarbear · 09/06/2015 15:30

Not a chance

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