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AIBU to now give up with driving?

(67 Posts)
Focusfocus Tue 09-Jun-15 12:30:01

I am 30 years old and was raised in an Asian country where people have 'drivers' and learning to drive/driving your own vehicle is simply not the norm. I moved to UK (London) for multiple higher degrees and obviously while I lived on beans and toast and had the Oyster student card I had to no reason to learn how to drive.

Fast forward five years. I live in the middle of the country, work in a different county, nothing much of public transport around, and expecting dc1. I desperately desperately need to drive. I bought a second hand car, spent £1659 on lessons and passed theory one shot and have been trying for a year now, but every test ends in tears. And failure.

First test - I was a mess, hardly had ten lessons. Write off.
Second test - got blinded by light and touched a kerb
Third test - fantastic drive, messed up the bay park at the end returning to test centre. No other faults at all, clean sheet.
Fourth test - was 7 weeks pregnant, Vomitting every ten minutes, can't even remember it, vomited in the middle of the test. Dozens of faults.
Today, fifth test - 5 months pregnant. fantastic drive. No fault. Except a van came up to my arse just as I was finishing off a beautiful turn in the road and I was deemed too close to it.

AIBU to think this is it? Al this money, all this time, perhaps some people just cannot drive? I am getting so so frustrated, spending hundreds on train fares, unable to go any places on my own for leisure, child on the way. I have never failed anything in my life, let alone five times.

It's so hard to find dates around here, and I even have an account with a cancellation finding company.

I feel so, so dejected. I feel useless really. I love driving, I love being behind the wheel, and every time it's a little something that slips up.

Is anyone around here who was in a similar place but did in the end make it? I am so so so demoralised.

TheXxed Tue 09-Jun-15 12:32:43

I am in the same boat failed 4 times I am giving myself a break. Going to try again in the summer.

MrsNextDoor Tue 09-Jun-15 12:34:18

YABU. Don't give up! You will do it. My Mother failed 7 times! She didn't start lessons till she was 50....you WILL do it. Get as much driving experience as possible and plan to win...you WILL do it.

QuiteLikely5 Tue 09-Jun-15 12:34:21

I've been where you are and got the t-shirt.

Do not give up. Re book your test ASAP.

StickEm Tue 09-Jun-15 12:36:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsNextDoor Tue 09-Jun-15 12:38:22

Stick I thought that too! Is it never possible to contend these things?

MiaFarrowsWheelbarrow Tue 09-Jun-15 12:39:09

Please don't give up, I passed on my 5th attempt. My instructor couldn't understand why it took so many as I used to drive so well with him but it was just nerves and I got there in the end (I think the examiner was sympathetic too which helped...).
I've been driving for over 20 years now and my passengers always comment that I'm a good, safe driver.
Please don't give up - you will get there in the end.

QuiteLikely5 Tue 09-Jun-15 12:40:35

No don't waste you time.

It was a fault because if you were checking your mirrors you would have seen him coming, slowed down and waited to see if he was going to stop or pass you completely.

You will get there keep on.

llamasinpyjamas Tue 09-Jun-15 12:40:40

Keep going! I was the same age as you, similar situation, failed 4 times but passed on 5th. I never ever thought I would pass. What worked for me was loads of lessons and changing instructors. There wasn't anything wrong with my instructor but I was getting bored and changing just gave me a different perspective. My 2nd instructor saw things that my first hadn't and gave me some other things to remember. I then passed on the 2nd attempt with that instructor. Keep going! You have come so far, are so near to passing. You will pass!

Focusfocus Tue 09-Jun-15 12:40:42

No. It's examiners decision. No other way. Even if there is a supervisor of the examiner in the car, and examiner mis decides, they will deal with that internally. But the deviation as far as the test goes, stands. No matter what. I really think it's not going to happen for me. Sat here in tears instead of marking university exams.

TheFlis12345 Tue 09-Jun-15 12:41:31

You have nearly passed a couple of times so can clearly drive, you just need to pick a suitable time for your test. You clearly took the first one way too early when you weren't ready and were never going to pass when you were vomiting throughout!

Focusfocus Tue 09-Jun-15 12:42:20

I absolutely font doubt it that it was a faulty. It was. I'm just on the verge of going up

StickEm Tue 09-Jun-15 12:43:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Focusfocus Tue 09-Jun-15 12:43:17

Oh the typos!

Focusfocus Tue 09-Jun-15 12:44:03

Yeah always have her in the car with me. Do mocks with her too.

wigglesrock Tue 09-Jun-15 12:44:54

You will get there, I passed on my 5th attempt. My instructor did however say to me that had I not passed, he would have transferred me to another instructor, as obviously something was not translating from the lessons to the practical test.

OldFarticus Tue 09-Jun-15 12:45:09

Don't give up and flowers for you

I passed first time and DH passed in his home country on his sixth attempt and then had to take the "conversion" test here twice. (It's supposed to be a formality...)
10 years later and he is the better driver by a country mile

BlackCake Tue 09-Jun-15 12:47:38

I'd advise the reverse...keep gong, you're obviously SO close to passing. You just ned a bit of luck on the day.

I passed after what i thought I was a crap drive, having failed before on minors when I thought I'd done a good job.

I have a few friends who have taken six, seven, even eight attempts. So much is in the lap of the Gods - the weather, the road conditions, the examiner (some are arses), how you feel on the day (ill, PMT, pregnant etc!).

Just put in for it again and do it. If you fail, put in again asap and do it.

You have spent a lot of time and money...dont give up now! It is SO worth it, honestly. Changed my life (I passed at 36 years old, spent thousands, it was the hardest thing I have ever done).

StickEm Tue 09-Jun-15 12:48:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BabyMurloc Tue 09-Jun-15 12:48:33

You've picked bad times to take tests. Being preg and doing tests is super hard. From what you've said you CAN drive and there should be no reason why you can't pass.

Give yourself a break for a while then rebook a test and do a couple of refresher lessons with a new instructor.

Focusfocus Tue 09-Jun-15 12:52:34

Thanks for the support everyone. I guess because I'm such a fiercely independent person, always have been, have studied, lived and worked in 7 cities across the world, never failed a thing, this one hurts very much. Every time I need to go to tescos, I need to ask DH to take me. I can't start any classes or hobbies because that one bus that comes by simply does t do it. The train to work is only forty minutes and expensive, but getting to the station and back is another story. Kid on the way. Lovely car stood outside. I love to drive. It's like there's something that won't let me do it.

But thanks all of you, will rebook.

LikeASoulWithoutAMind Tue 09-Jun-15 12:55:05

OP you sound so close to passing! Don't give up.

How many lessons/hours of practice have you had? I needed lots

Also have you considered automatic? It's just one less thing to think about and might be an expedient way to sort this out quickly.

Chin up - you can do this.

19lottie82 Tue 09-Jun-15 13:10:31

Keep going! All your tests (apart from the one where you just weren't ready, and the other where you were ill), were just due to silly little unfortunate incidents. These could happen to anyone, and it's unfortunate you've had three of them!

If you were an awful driver and had got multiple majors each time, then maybe think about giving up, but you're not, so keep going!

Ironfloor Tue 09-Jun-15 13:44:53

I was exactly like you. Failed 4 times, resigned myself into thinking that I'm one of those people who are not fit to drive and will never pass. Then I did my 5th test,it was an ok drive but I thought I'd have failed because all my previous tests were fantastic drives but I still failed. But to my utter surprise, I passed. The examiner was an angel. It's completely due to him that I passed. The pervious tests were done by examiners who were arses (bar one).

So my advice is to keep doing tests, and one day, you will get a lovely examiner (or you will impress an average one smile and you WILL pass. Don't give up. Try to book another test immediately. Towards the end, I used to think of my driving tests as very expensive driving lessons, but with a chance of getting my driving license. Good luck!

MoreCakePlz Tue 09-Jun-15 18:25:42

I've a friend who passed on her 14th attempt - you'll get there in the end!

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