To ask SAHM's to tell me what they do all day??

[LadyMaryofDownton]

Hi, i hope that didn't offend :) heres why... i am a stay at home Mum! I am asking because i would like to know how you pass the day to give me some ideas how to pass mine. Weekends are spent looking after Nanna & catching up on housework. DH works 6 days per week 8-5

I have one DD at Primary school aged 10 two boys age 4 & 2.

Heres my daily routine which i stick to religisouly (I have anxiety issues with time/structure) However i want to break free of this and i need ideas.


Kids up at 6.30 - (Their choice not mine) watch tv for half an hour until we all waken up.
7:00 - Get washed & Dressed
7:30 - Everyone eats breakfast
8:00 - Get kids ready for school/pack lunches/ go over a few things.
8:30-9:30 - School run
9:30-10:30 - Visit my Nanna & get her dressed help her with breakfast (I have a toddler with me).
10:30-11:30 - Tidy up from breakfast/do laundry
11:30 - 12:00 - Play puzzles with my DS
12:00 - Make and eat an easy lunch for me and DS.
1:00- 2:30 -DS goes for a nap & I tidy up & study for a diploma.
2:30 - 3:30 - School run.
3:30-5:30 - Help the kids with their home work/make dinner.
5:30 - DH comes home/gets washed changed/ we all eat dinner.
6:30 - Tidy up from dinner
6:30- 7:30m- Play with the kids
7:30 - Kids get a bath & get ready for bed
8:00 - Kids go to bed
8:00 - I get a shower & do my hair
9:00 - Lie on the sofa watching catchup tv/ study some more.
10:30 - Go to bed.

Disclaimer:- While do this i am also taking care of my toddler who is needy and never wants to leave mummy not even for one second & also trying at some stage to read to him/play when i can.

Also two Tuesday mornings a month we spend the morning at my friends house. I live way out in the countryside the nearest village is 10 miles away, where the kids go to school. Theres not much to do around here apart from play in the garden & theres only one toddler group which belongs to a church to far away.

So on paper this might seem like i am passing the time. Heres my problem i feel so bored everyday. I feel like i don't do enough & that i am not achieving enough each day.


Id really appreciate it if you could give me run down of your day so i can see if am doing this right? or if i should be doing more, its a bit like groundhog day around here.

Thanks :)

[Artandco]

I would want to break out of the routine and get out and about more tbh. Could you not at 10.30am after caring for nan go off somewhere you and 2 year old until 3pm school pick up? Depending where you are go swimming/ woodland walk/ gym class ( toddler in crèche)/ meet friends for lunch/ beach/ shopping/ local attraction like museums or national trust things. 2 year old can nap in pram/ sling/ car

[Unexpected]

Don'y you have anything which you do for yourself? If your dh is home after work at 5.30, could you go to an exercise class, join a book club, that kind of thing? I think you are bored because your life is so structured (although I appreciate you need this). However, you need to build some time for you into the structure.

[DementedSwan]

I'm a sahm too, dh works long hours and is often away on overnight trips for business. Here's what my day looks like.

6.30am I get up, it takes me half an hour to have a cup of tea and become human. Shower and dress.

7.30 cajole dc out of bed (5yo and 2yo) feed them and help them dress.

8.30 school run, dc1 is in reception and dc2 is in nursery.

9am get home and tidy up, do housework, shop etc.

11.30 pick up dc2, have lunch, two afternoons a week we go to a playgroup, others we just potter around and play

3pm pick up ds1, sometimes we head straight off to park/beach/soft play or play in garden if it's nice. Do any homework.

5pm is dinner time

5.30 bath time, reading, quiet play

7pm bedtime

Then I cook again for me and dh. Usually watch TV as I've done the chores throughout the day then bed.

Bit Groundhog Day

[CuttingOutTheCrap]

Id make use of the time between helping nan and the school run, at least twice a week to do something different. Walk in the park/woods/around the block, trip to park/swings, coffee at a friends or coffee shop (even if it's just you and toddler- seems odd at first if you aren't used to it but lovely), trip to library (and check there what other activities are in the area, there's often more than just toddler groups), bake/garden/craft with toddler, shopping.

[morethanpotatoprints]

I'd be expecting your dh to do some of this tbh.
can you not have a blanket time that you stop and also alternate with dh between the youngest 2 and the older one.
It will do your little one no harm to get used to daddy doing some things for your toddler.

[AtomicDog]

Please, please don't feel that you're not achieving enough. You have a lot on your plate, and it is relentless whilst they're small.
Could the older children havt some responsibilities? Mine must put their dirty clothing into the wash baskets, tidy away their breakfast things (just next to sink, not washing them), remove their belongings from sitting room at end of day, etc.
Small tasks, but manageable and really helps us keep on top of things

[Soduthen116]

I think it's easy to get into a rut in life at any stage. The real question here is are you happy?

For me an hours excersise outside by myself on my bike or swimming is bliss. You do need some down time just to yourself even if it's just to read a book. Especially if your day is spent caring for others.

[WorraLiberty]

Hi OP

I'm not sure if you know but there's a new SAHP topic.

I'm not saying you shouldn't post here btw, just that you might want to browse it for some ideas.

[lizabeth0607]

I wish I could be more organised and have a routine in place, I am hoping this will come once my daughter starts school in September!
Although not much of a routine we tend to go swimming on Mondays, rythym time on Tuesdays, we visit my mom on Wednesdays, Thursdays I would normally be at uni but have just broken up for the summer, so we tend to do a bit of shopping, go to the park or play at home and Fridays we go to a soft play area, dependent on my DDs behaviour during the week!
I have to stay busy, although we do all of this alone as all of my friends have no children or are in full time work!
Weekends are a lot more sociable.
Maybe you could spend the few hours after helping your Nan with your toddler going somewhere fun??

[WorraLiberty]

Whoops! Forgot the link

[LadyMaryofDownton]

Thanks everyone.
Worra - Sorry i didn't realise, ill have a look over there shortly. Nanna's with me today all day so thats a change :)

Morethan - My DH does everything with me after he gets home, he's very hands on when he gets home, thats one problem i don't have he is brilliant.

Oh the library id love that & so would DS i now the local one did get shut don but am sure theres one not to far away, they might even have a playgroup. Ill check that out today & some other things. National trust to to far away/expensive.

[Booboostoo]

Do you enjoy walking? I am in the countryside and spend a lot of time walking (dog in tow but he is an excuse!). Do you drive? Could you take your toddler to a playground or soft play area, or pool, go for a coffee? I try to do one of these things every other day otherwise everyone gets a bit bored of being cooped up (I have a 4yo who goes to school in the morning and an 9mo who seems a lot happier out and about than at home).

[Artandco]

If the National trust is only a little far, do look at an annual family pass. I think it's around £100 but valid for whole family all year, so usually once you have been twice the rest of the year is effectively free. Might be worth it to the holidays when you have all 3 children around and no restrictions of when to get back

[TarkaTheOtter]

Looks like you have a window of 10.30-1 (or later if ds naps in pushchair and you don't have to study) every day which you foul use to do something different.
My two are a bit younger so we don't have the relentless routine of preschool/school runs so our days are pretty unstructured aside from lunch at 12 and ds naps 1-3.

[justwondering72]

Hi OP

Don't do yourself a disservice - you are looking after a family with 3 children, caring for an older relative, studying and generally keeping the ship afloat for everyone else! You are doing a lot.

But if you are bored with the routine, a couple of things jump out at me that you could change.

You are spending a lot of time on domestic stuff: maybe look for some short cuts. e.g. I tend to tidy after breakfast but leave all the breakfast dishes until lunchtime, even easier to do if you have a dishwasher. And laundry I tend to do in the evening, and have stopped ironing except for DHs work shirts, so laundry time is minimised

How well organised is your house? I say this because I've found that reducing the general clutter and having a place for everything makes it much easier to keep the place semi tidy, even when kids are around, so reducing the time spent tidying overall. If I dedicate say one full day a month to minimising and storing stuff, I rarely have to do much through the week other than chuck things back into their alloted boxes, and the place can look respectable in 10 minutes.

You don't seem to have much 'fun' time, either for you or for you and the kids. It's tricky when you live in the sticks, I grew up on a farm and consciously chose to raise my kids in a big city for this very reason! My mum hated not being able to get to anything sociable when we were babies, nothing close by, no pavements to push a buggy on, having to drive everywhere, and no actual parks etc to go to - just fields, grumpy farmers and muddy roadsides. Do you miss having company? I would have gone stark raving mad in the early SAHM days without a bunch of like-minded friends and other families to hang out with. Do you have any friends in the village with similarly-aged children? Can you get together with them for a mini, local playgroup?

Caring for Nanna: can you share this with any other relatives? Doing alternate days? It's fantastic that you are able to help her out in this way, but it's a big commitment to do it every day plus weekends. That 0930 - 1030 slot cuts right through a morning doing something else with your DS - most playgroups / music baby gym type thing start at 0930 or 1000 and finish up for lunchtime.

[ShortandSweeter]

an hour a day for shower and doing hair? Goodness.

[ActiviaYoghurt]

I think your routine is great and I bet your house is a damn sight tidier than mine!

[Enjoyingmycoffee1981]

My routine, after the obvious childcare of getting them dressed, breakfast, pick ups etc, differs from yours in that it involves

Gym 3x a week (on site crèche)
Coffee 1x week with a friend
One morning to myself when I poodle around the shops and relax.
And I guess I do more housework than you

I'm never bored and bloody love being a SAHM.

[confusedofengland]

I am a SAHM with DC similar ages to yours - DS1 is 6 & in Year 1 at school. DS2 is 4.2, has SEN, is at preschool each afternoon, starts Reception in September. DS3 is 15 months & with me all the time. A typical weekday at for us looks like this:

7.00 - Everybody up for breakfast & then get dressed & ready for school. DS1 will do reading then (has more energy than in evenings, I find).
8.15 - Everybody usually ready by now so couple of programmes on CBeebies
8.40-9.00 - School run
*9.00 - 10.00 - Coffee/snack & CBeebies (faves here are Tweenies, Twirlywoos, Something Special, Mister Maker).
*10.00-10.30 - Dishwasher & washing & see to chickens, DCs 'help' (ie play in garden while I hang out washing)
*10.30-11.15 - Puzzles, reading, playing trains, duplo etc. Sometimes put DS3 in highchair with paper & crayons while I do an activity with DS2 as otherwise DS3 wrecks it!
*11.15-12.00 walk to preschool (20 mins), stopping off at nearby playpark
12.00-2.45 DS2 at preschool, one afternoon DS3 & I go to toddler group, most other afternoons he naps or we do building blocks, stacking cups, singing, helter skelter etc.
*2.45-3.30 school/preschool runs
*3.30-4.15 snack & Cbeebies
4.15-5.15 DSes play in playroom while I get dinner, sort washing etc
5.15 - 6.00 dinner
6.00- 6.45 bath
6.45-7.30 play downstairs - trains, puzzles, reading, shape sorters
7.30 Daddy home, milk, Peppa Pig, bed

The * are for when we do activities -which is lots! We go to groups 3 mornings per week, which can take up all morning (or not, as required). DS1 has after-school activities 3 afternoons per week. We also often do playdates (probably minimum one per fortnight) & will pop to the shop once a week or so after the school run & there is a park there so we may spend half an hour there. I find that getting out is key, for us.

[TheWordFactory]

OP, when you say you want to achieve more? What do you have in mind?

More social things? More things that stimulate you intellectually?

If think it's really importnat to make time and space deciding what you actually want before making changes.

[LadyMaryofDownton]

Thanks for the replies. Art I've looked at National Trust before and considered getting the yearly membership but never thought of it like that before, that makes it seem more worth while. Theres a beautiful place that i love to go to the odd Sunday but i could make it more regular if i did the membership!

JustW- Thank you that really helps to hear that as it easy to forget :) I do tend to keep the house quite tidy. When i was working i had a career that was ruled by organisation/timekeeping/meeting targets so thats why am a bit uptight about it. I really should learn to let it go, it wouldn't do any harm.

My Nanna lives with my Mum and my poor mum does everything (I wanted to shout that bit) as her sisters Cant be fucking arsed work pt . Thats why i try and give mum an hr in the morning but i suppose i could change the times some days.

Short ---- yes an hour, why not, the kids are in bed & it makes me feel somewhat normal/nice/clean/pampered!

Just been outside to eat lunch Nanna & DS really loved the picnic idea, thats a winner & it didn't rain.

[confusedofengland]

BTW OP, I think you achieve loads & probably more than I do! You have 3 DC, an elderly relative to care for, a house to keep & studies to do. That is a lot & I admire you for it. One thing I also do, which is just for me & nobody else, is to go on my exercise bike for 20 minutes per day. I think exercise is good for you in a lot of ways - endorphins, time to yourself, good for fitness etc -so if you could squeeze in something like that, maybe once DH is home, that might help you to feel you've achieved more? I know it does for me

[HelenaJustina]

Each of my days is different, though some of the same things have to happen each day eg at least one load of laundry, washing up etc...
But today;
6.30 am wake up and do 10 minutes exercise
6.50 all 4 DC ages 7, 5, 4 and 2 up and down for breakfast
7.30 breakfast closes, clearing up is done and lunch boxes finished
7.45 I get in shower, all 4DC are dressed and teeth done.
8.10 do DC hair
8.20 leave for school/preschool runs
9-11am run church toddler group
11.15 home with DC4, put load of laundry on line, 2nd load in machine. Do some tidying, especially utility and kids craft stuff.
12.15 lunch for me and DC 4
1pm pick up DC 3 from preschool
Potter until 2.30 ish when leave to pick up DC 1 and 2 from school at 3pm.
Nice day today so probably playground after school and home about 4 ish.
5 pm tea for children
6pm start bath time
6.45 younger 2 in bed
7/7.15 older 2 in bed
7.30 another 15 minutes exercise then dinner with DH
Bed at probably 10 ish

But tomorrow is different as no preschool and DC have clubs, Wednesday is different as DC4 joins 3 at preschool for the morning. Thursday is a free day other than school runs so do something nice with younger 2, Friday preschool on again.

Sounds like you do plenty, it won't be long before the 2 year old doesn't sleep and you don't get that time off during the day! Make the most of it...

[ShortandSweeter]

Very clearly this is a stealth 'look how busy I am' boast.....interestingly, no one seems to have factored in 'typing lengthy posts on MN' into their itinerary.

[TarkaTheOtter]

Or even short goady ones