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To want to chat on his day off

(31 Posts)
MrsGills Mon 08-Jun-15 01:10:33

My bf is away. Today he messaged to say he's going to the pool for an hour and would text later.
I was looking forward to a chat as he works hard all week and the weekends we can have a catch up. He didn't reply till six hours later and now I feel mad with him as he said he's having an early night. Today would have been our day together if he's been at home and I've been miserable today over this. I said I'm a bit dispointed with the lack of contact and now he said he's sick of being made to feel the guilty one and he won't message again :/
That has just angered me further. AIBU?!

Talismania Mon 08-Jun-15 02:14:52

YAB a bit U. It's his day off too and should be able to spend some of his time off the way he wants. It's only one day. It's healthy to have breaks from each other in relationships.

LindyHemming Mon 08-Jun-15 07:06:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tryharder Mon 08-Jun-15 07:18:09

When I read that he said he won't message again as he doesn't like to be made to feel guilty then I decided YANBU.

Surely it's ok in a healthy relationship to be able to say to a DP "look I feel a bit down/lonely/miss you, would love a chat but feel you are busy with other things". And for that DP to then respond with something like "sorry you're down baby. I'm going swimming now before the pool closes but I'll ring you when I get back and we can talk."

Or something like that.

I hate it when women are made to feel needy by DPs or DHs for asking for something insignificant like a chat. It's hardly an effort is it?

NerrSnerr Mon 08-Jun-15 07:21:06

How long have you been together and where is he away? When me or my husband go away we don't call, just the odd text as we're often busy,

sooperdooper Mon 08-Jun-15 07:23:26

I think Yabu, just because you'd have spent the day together had he been at home doesn't mean you had to do nothing yourself - why didn't you make your own plans rather than sit about moping?

NRomanoff Mon 08-Jun-15 07:25:06

I agree there is too little information.

Do you make him feel guilty about doing things he wants to do, a lot?

Some days on my day off I just want to relax on my own. Some people need time on their own, he maybe one of them.

Or he could be a dick who stops contact everytime you express you feelings. I can't really tell.

Optimist1 Mon 08-Jun-15 07:32:27

I'm with sooper on this one - it sounds as though your entire day has been focused on contact with him. You made yourself miserable all day, to be honest. He did make contact with you but you wanted more than he was willing or able to give and then you got arsey with him - no wonder he's keeping a low profile.

ByeFelicia Mon 08-Jun-15 07:55:14

YABU -and a tad clingy-

SaucyJack Mon 08-Jun-15 08:03:57

I think YANBU actually.

I would not want to be in a relationship with someone who thought chatting to me was a chore to be avoided on a day off.

popalot Mon 08-Jun-15 08:07:02

Agree with saucyJack. Is he a bit of a player?

chairmeoh Mon 08-Jun-15 08:08:49

YANBU to be disappointed in the lack of contact.

YABU to have been miserable all day over it. Have you been moping around waiting for him to call all day?

LazyLouLou Mon 08-Jun-15 08:28:14

Erm, yes, YABU.

Whether he is away with work or on holiday he is away, he is not at home, with you, doing normal things.

So YU for expecting him to keep up with any usual at home routine.

DH works away a lot. I get about 30 seconds of his time, "Hi love, still alive,, love you loads, bye." And I accept that because I wouldn't accept it if he were home. But when away he has other things going on.

Take his hint: he feels you are laying on a big guilt trip and ruining whatever he is away doing. Stop it, or you will certainly give him reason to tell you he no longer wants to see you.

PtolemysNeedle Mon 08-Jun-15 08:38:23

YABU. He said he'd text later, which he did but that wasn't quick enough for you. You are coming across as a bit clingy, which is unattractive, especially if you're letting him know that you're miserable for a whole day just because you haven't chatted to him.

InstitutionCode Mon 08-Jun-15 08:54:02

I think you're both being very unreasonable and I wouldn't want to be in a relationship like this.

If DH was away over the weekend, I certainly wouldn't be miserable waiting for an opportunity to chat, I'd be getting on with enjoying my weekend.

However, if I told DH, I wanted/needed to chat and got that response, I'd be devastated.

isntthatafont Mon 08-Jun-15 10:00:29

Personally I would have popped home for at least five minutes to check the rabbit hutch was still ocupado.

PeppermintCrayon Mon 08-Jun-15 10:16:27

I think YABU, sorry. It's a lot of pressure to insist x day HAS to be for catching up even if he's on holiday. Why didn't you just go do something else?

Littleen Mon 08-Jun-15 10:41:48

Sounds like my own relationship a bit here tbh! Yanbu and yabu at the same time. You've obviously made yourself too available for him on this day, and he's either not got it or not agreed to the same plan as you, thus causing some disagreement. He's being childish with his response (My OH is the same, but it's not something to "LTB" about), but you might have also expected something that he was unaware of, or he might simply have had other things he wanted to do. Sometimes - to no offence to the other half - people want some alone time smile Just dust it under the carpet and be back to normal tomorrow x

sunbathe Mon 08-Jun-15 11:56:47

If you can't be 'needy' on occasion with your dh/dp, what's the point of the relationship?

NRomanoff Mon 08-Jun-15 12:33:08

If you can't be 'needy' on occasion with your dh/dp, what's the point of the relationship?

So thats the point of a relationship, so you can be needy?

InstitutionCode Mon 08-Jun-15 12:34:22

Well no, NRomanoff, but the relationship should provide what you need.

ApeMan Mon 08-Jun-15 14:39:20

Except providing what a needy person needs is an unreasonable demand to have placed on you.

That's why they're "needy". That's what "needy" is.

OP - you're not being overly unreasonable, just perhaps chill a little bit and meet him halfway.

MrsGills Mon 08-Jun-15 16:17:25

The last message I got was that he won't message again.
I don't want him to be miserable while he's away.
Should I message and if so, what should I say?
Or do I leave it and let the dust settle?

LazyLouLou Mon 08-Jun-15 16:26:45

Depends. Do you want to apologise for upsetting him? If so simply text "My apologies for being soppy. Have a lovely time. See you when you get back"

If you think he is being a shit... do not respond and leave him to it!

You have now realised that you have different ideas about contact, chatty messages and support when you are apart. Only you know if this is indicative of his general behaviour towards you, or if you were a little over the top and irritated him.

Either way, he has made his current feelings clear and they are that you have bothered him. It's up to you how you deal with what is now obviously a man in a snit!

NRomanoff Mon 08-Jun-15 16:36:24

Personally I wouldn't respond. Unless you do feel you were in the wrong. In which case tell him that and say you will speak when you get back.

Maybe you need to take the time away, to think about it. Are you needy and clingy and it's causing problems...or is he a dick who doesn't really care.

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