Advanced search

To half-hope dd is disabled?

(19 Posts)
WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant Sat 06-Jun-15 22:53:03

I know that sounds really awful, but...
It won't change her condition, or the help/support she needs.
But if she has a "label", will it be easier for me to get her the physio and school support?
Rather than people just having the " oh, she is just slow/clumsy/useless attitude?

southeastastra Sat 06-Jun-15 22:55:53

how old is she?

Supersoft Sat 06-Jun-15 22:55:59

I don't know if 'disabled' Or a 'label' are the right words but I understand your yearning for a reason for her development / behaviour. Have you been to see anyone?

Samcro Sat 06-Jun-15 22:58:42

gosh your title is odd.
but yes I get you, a "label" does help if you know your child has a disability

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant Sat 06-Jun-15 22:58:55

Yes, those are probably not the best words!
But I hope you understand what I mean.
She is nearly 3, waiting for a physio thing in August. Hopefully, they will label her then! Either as slow/useless/adorably cute... Or something more serious.

Samcro Sat 06-Jun-15 22:59:51

what ever the "label" she will never ever ever be "useless"

Supersoft Sat 06-Jun-15 23:00:32

I get what you mean, but this is aibu, you have to be careful :-). Have you posted in the special need section? What are your concerns?

BlackeyedSusan Sat 06-Jun-15 23:01:17

ah yes. know the feeling of relief when you get the diagnosis, when you strongly suspect they have a named disability. it is better than some inconclusive bunch of difficulties that are dismissed by all as fussy parent syndrome.

Pumpkinpositive Sat 06-Jun-15 23:01:24

But if she has a "label", will it be easier for me to get her the physio and school support?
Rather than people just having the " oh, she is just slow/clumsy/useless attitude?

Is she being assessed?

As an aside, being statemented/diagnosed won't necessarily put an end to people, including well-meaning ones, calling your child slow/clumsy/useless.

I grew up with a definite disability diagnosis, received all the speech and physio therapy of the day, school and everyone else well aware. And I still had to run the gauntlet of slow/clumsy/"deliberately awkward and difficult" , all said to my face. And those were the decent people.

A disability diagnosis would hopefully open some doors to treatment, but it won't necessarily make the shitty comments from people who should know better go away.

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant Sat 06-Jun-15 23:01:29

No, Sam. She won't!
But I think she feels it sometimes, when she struggles.

Samcro Sat 06-Jun-15 23:03:48

no one in 20 yrs has called my severely disabled child useless.
(her brother would kill them

ChuffinAda Sat 06-Jun-15 23:05:55

Be careful what you wish for.

I got a 'label' young and it means doctors won't investigate anything properly and attribute EVERYTHING to the condition I've been labelled with.

I also have a dc with the same label, they acquired it when an overzealous doctor heard the family history and did some cursory checks. A label can open up help but can be a huge burden too

Fiddlerontheroof Sat 06-Jun-15 23:06:04

We didn't get a cerebral palsy diagnosis until age 7, so although I know your thread title sounds odd, I understand what you are saying.

I'm guessing everyone is just saying developmental delay at the moment, which is really hard, as it simply means no-one really knows and are adopting a wait and see approach, and you can't go and explain to people what she can't crawl, pull up, it makes it really hard for you to be out and about,neither other children the same that what you mean?

If she has motor delays that are affecting her development, and she isn't hitting milestones, I'd be getting referral to a paediatrician/neurologist perhaps as it is them that do the diagnosis, not the physio.

I'm sorry that you are having this uncertainty, I can empathise and it's not nice x

Oh, I have 12 year old that drops stuff all the time, falls over regulary, and generally finds day to day stuff really tough, but she won't ever be useless, and or any of those things to me...and she has a razor sharp wit that is terrifying! Lol

Eventually, and it took time, she stopped being my dd with CP, she's now my dd...and it's all part of who she is. Xxx

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant Sat 06-Jun-15 23:07:29

I didn't know there was a special needs section! I haven't looked much.
Her speech is very basic. She. Shouts. A. Lot. Of. Individual. Words.
She is really hard for strangers to understand.
She still toddles. As opposed to smooth walking.
She can't negotiate steps without holding on to something. (Buggy, hand)
But she understands a lot of things. She will follow 3 or 4 step instructions.
Fetch socks, shoes and your drink in the red cup, then wait by the front door.

lilacblossomtime Sat 06-Jun-15 23:08:11

Yes I don't think it is a label, people don't say that about someone who is blind for example. But if she is disabled she is going to face challenges and will be better prepared for them with knowledge of her condition and appropriate help. There is help and support available for her and for you as her mum and carer.

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant Sat 06-Jun-15 23:09:48

Thanks for the warnings pumpkin and Ada

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant Sat 06-Jun-15 23:12:24

Fiddler, she sounds like a smaller version of your 12 year old.
Nobody will call her useless.
Me and ds will both flatten them if they do!

Mrsjayy Sat 06-Jun-15 23:14:50

A diagnosis is essential imo for help and support i knew something was up with dd when she was 3 i was fobbed off till she was 7 its bloody frustrating as a parent when you are not being listened to. I hope you get somewhere with your dd

TheRainInTheWoods Sat 06-Jun-15 23:16:09

I hear you, absolutely (having been a bit alarmed at the thread title)!

I've clung for dear life to DS' diagnoses and I think there's about to be another.

I have to be very careful they don't define him though, and don't limit him. I try to think of them as describing part of him, as opposed to proscribing certain activities or outcomes for him. I really try, like with my other DC, to start from a basis of 'he will be able to' as opposed to 'he will never'.

We were told he'd never ride a bike or swim. He can do both now!

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: