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to have said no naps for 2 year old ds (mil related, and long)

(192 Posts)
justbatteringon Sat 06-Jun-15 19:33:58

DS turned two in April. If he has a nap during the day is up until at least midnight, about a month and a half ago DP and I agreed to try no naps for a week to see if it helped any. It did DS's mood improved he was sleeping from 7.30 - 8pm until 6 - 7am the next morning (his usual wake up times). I admit some days he has a tired period but usually if you distract him/keep him busy he'll have no problem staying up.

At the minute DP's parents take care of the children while DP and I are working, controversial to MNers I know but it's very temporary and it's a long story but please believe me when I say I have legitimate reasons and I appreciate them doing it very much.

So DP's parents watch them at the most about 5 hours a day maybe 3 times a week. We asked them to please not let DS nap, because of above reasons DP was insistent to them that they not nap I took the approach with them that I understood that he's sometimes hard work to keep but up but if you've tried and he's knackered then let him have a wee sleep. No problem or so I thought.

They've since told DP that they will not make any attempt to keep him up and if DS wants to sleep they're going to let him and that is that. They even lied about letting him nap which made us think he would be much more tired than he was and took him to bed much earlier than we would of had we known he'd had a sleep during the day. This happened 2 days in a row and it's not even the problem.

DP sent them a whatsapp picture of DS at midnight saying "this is what i mean about letting him sleep he's still up and it's after midnight i know my boy and i know when he needs his sleep"

FIL replied that he was absolutely livid at DP for sending him that message and MIL sent DP 3 messages about how terrible he was how none of her other children were as terrible and was he proud of himself that his DF was now going to bed with high blood pressure. I told DP to ask them over for coffee the next day to sort this out. MIL responded that DP must have a guilty conscience to invite them for coffee.

I thought that the response was absolutely awful and want to have a word with them to clear the air and remind them that we are the parents and not them.

Would I be wrong to do that?

Does anyone else not allow their 2 year old to nap?

Thanks for reading.

afreshstartplease Sat 06-Jun-15 19:37:47

Yanbu

My dd is same age and rarely naps in the day

Although if she does it doesn't affect her at night

She just doesn't need the extra sleep, some children don't

Your pil need to realise that they need to play by your rules

TarkaTheOtter Sat 06-Jun-15 19:39:55

I sympathise because my dd was the same at that age.
I think you need to end this arrangement though. It doesn't sound like you are in good enough terms with them to have them doing this big a favour for you. If you really can't do without their help and it's only very temporary then you need to suck it up. You've asked nicely and they've said no. You can't ask rudely as they are doing you a favour.

LadyDeadpool Sat 06-Jun-15 19:41:32

I think if they're not going to do what you want you need to find new childcare.

fattymcfatfat Sat 06-Jun-15 19:42:12

my 17 month old DD does not nap. people don't seem to believe me when I tell them confused as they all have children that nap then go to bed and stay there until a reasonable hour. my DD is like your DS so if she naps she's up until stupid o'clock. my mum would never go against my wishes as a parent. so I think you need to have (well your DP) serious words with his parents re parenting. you are the parents and whether they are helping or not they have no right to do something with your children that you have asked them not to. once in a blue moon if they absolutely can't keep him up fair enough. but they should at least try instead of undermining you as parents.

OwlinaTree Sat 06-Jun-15 19:42:25

I think you need alternative child care. Was the picture supposed to be jokey?

LapsedTwentysomething Sat 06-Jun-15 19:42:46

YABU, sorry, and it doesn't matter how temporary the arrangement. A fractious toddler is no-one's idea of fun and they're helping you out. My DS is exactly the same, as was DD. It's a difficult year until they make the transition but it's part of being a working parent who needs to rely on others for childcare.

justbatteringon Sat 06-Jun-15 19:45:55

I'm not even annoyed at them letting him have a nap.

I'm annoyed that they lied about it and their reaction to us calling them on it.

We have new childcare in place to start in 2 weeks. This was always the plan.

cashewnutty Sat 06-Jun-15 19:46:05

Even if you sent him to a nursery he would be encouraged to have 'quiet time' and lie down for a nap. I imagine having a boisterous 2yo to look after is wearing for someone older. You either change childcare or suck it up.

SoupDragon Sat 06-Jun-15 19:46:19

As they are doing you a temporary favour, unfortunately you need to find alternative childcare or suck it up.

mynewpassion Sat 06-Jun-15 19:46:38

Yep, dealing with a tired toddler isn't fun. Pay for childcare

cadidog Sat 06-Jun-15 19:48:25

My MIL looks after DS for a few hours a week and always gets him to nap - even though he doesn't normally sleep at that time any more. She's doing me a favour so I figure I have to lump it.

mynewpassion Sat 06-Jun-15 19:50:13

They were going to receive grief either way.

3579little Sat 06-Jun-15 19:51:38

In my experience nurseries let tied children sleep especially in the under 3 category. So it may get worse.

I think the photo was very ill judged and ungrateful. You should apologise.

SleepRefugee Sat 06-Jun-15 19:51:54

YANBU to be annoyed, but I think you should find alternative childcare.

My DD stopped napping before she was 2 and would also be up until laaaaate at night if a nap somehow happened. This would then also mean her sleep was messed up for days afterwards. Loads of people don't believe children this young stop napping or will sleep better at night without a nap - I guess because these children are in the minority and they don't have any first-hand experience of it.

DeladionInch Sat 06-Jun-15 19:52:13

This isn't about parenting decisions though, it's about what's best for the child. The PIL are ignoring his best interests - it's surely better to plan a trip to the park/ducks at grump o'clock than bugger up the next day for everybody?!

justbatteringon Sat 06-Jun-15 19:53:04

hows that mynewpassion

so no one thinks that there reaction was out of line i wish i had the message she sent it because it was horrible.

PuppyMonkey Sat 06-Jun-15 19:55:30

Yep find alternative childcare (all of whom will end up putting your tired out toddler down for a nap if he gets fractiouswink)

LaurieFairyCake Sat 06-Jun-15 19:56:50

Yes, you're unreasonable - why should they do all the work of keeping him up?

Maybe they're tired and appreciate the hour or two of peace.

You need to pay for childcare.

cricketballs Sat 06-Jun-15 19:56:59

Op, the message your DH sent wasn't exactly nice hmm

Theycallmemellowjello Sat 06-Jun-15 19:57:13

Can you not just let him sleep midnight-8 am and have a nap during the day?

TidyDancer Sat 06-Jun-15 19:57:15

Yeah, the photo really didn't help did it? Your DH definitely needs to apologise for that. They shouldn't have lied to you, but if you're not paying for cc then you are limited in what you can reasonably demand they do. Their response to your DH's text was rude but it's hardly surprising they lost their shit at him in some way.

OwlinaTree Sat 06-Jun-15 19:58:27

It sounds like an over reaction from both sides tbh. It would be upsetting to get that WhatsApp photo at midnight with a rant, so I guess they are responding to that, ranting back.

Moreisnnogedag Sat 06-Jun-15 19:59:12

Actually I think sending a pic was a really snidey thing to and was destined to wind PIL up. That was proper sanctimonious and pretty rude considering the huge favour they are doing you. Also considering it is a favour I think it's a bit much to ask them to keep a fractious child awake.

Theycallmemellowjello Sat 06-Jun-15 19:59:23

X post - I can understand why your MiL's message was upsetting to you and your DP, but at the same time I can imagine that your PiLs felt upset after giving up their days to look after your son at being sent a picture message basically blaming them for problems. Best not to have these kinds of conversations by text, I think.

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