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aibu to feel bitter

(19 Posts)
mmollytoots Sat 06-Jun-15 17:19:45

Also how can I stop this.

Backstory: Been with do 9 years now and we have a 10 month old baby. Mil and Sil have never really taken to me we have had many issues in past.

When I got pregnant Mil wasn't very happy although she tried to hide it and same with Sil. Sil was incredibly jealous when I got pregnant as her ds was the only gc and also she wants another and so in front of them anytime we brought up the baby they brushed it off and moved topic. Mil wasn't going to come to christening as she was fighting with dp yet again. They did come but promptly said they couldn't drink or stay late as they had work tomorrow (Mil doesn't work). They made the at really awkward and I wish they had not came. Sil had also talked me out of having a proper party so instead I had a private dinner.

Fast Forward to now and Sol is pregnant and my dc is pushed out already for this child that is unborn. They know the sex but won't tell (because they love the attention of people quizzing them), they are planning a big baby shower etc etc.

Mil didn't give us a penny towards the christening but when her nephew got married the other day she forked out loads

I suppose I'm fed up with it all and del bad for my dp and bitter as to why I should let them even near my daughter when they are assholes.

I can't help but feel so bitter. Sil also announced she is having a big christening party after stating she would never ever have one to me wtf

mmollytoots Sat 06-Jun-15 17:21:48

sorry for typos stupid autocorrect

Euphemia Sat 06-Jun-15 17:24:03

You need to stop caring what they think or what they do. You're way over-invested, with no mention at all of how your DP feels about or deals with them.

mmollytoots Sat 06-Jun-15 17:26:12

I know I've tried to cut them out a few times but they are the most forceful people I have ever met. My partner feels same as me but he doesn't care as much as I do because he is used to his mum's favouritism whereas I can't get my head around how a parent can act like that

ChampagneBabyCakes Sat 06-Jun-15 17:26:15

You Are not BU. I also have shitty I laws and they have made me feel so bad at these 'special' events that I just wouldn't do it again.
Just remember what they have done, and make sure you do what you want in the future.
They sound pathetic.

Joolsy Sat 06-Jun-15 17:29:09

They seem to enjoy your reaction to the things you've described. The best thing you can do is not to show you're bitter but to show you're happy and content with your life (even if you're not). Stop investing so much energy on them & concentrate on the ones who deserve your time.

mmollytoots Sat 06-Jun-15 17:29:54

Thank you I think they are narcissistic 100%. They have really given me so much stress over the years and I think I need to not care

BolshierAyraStark Sat 06-Jun-15 17:30:49

Stop giving a shit about them & only accommodate requests from them that suit you.

mmollytoots Sat 06-Jun-15 17:31:13

It's more so that they will expect me to go to the baby shower etc and go over the top and I will feel bitter that I couldn't celebrate my baby like this without judgement and I will constantly think oh mil didn't do this for dp etc etc

mmollytoots Sat 06-Jun-15 17:31:59

they rub in the fact I couldn't breastfeed and Sil obviously can. wish I could just cut them from my life

Hotpotpie Sat 06-Jun-15 17:32:53

I have dreadful in laws also, we are very different people and will never get, after a few recent issues I've just refused to have anything more to do with them. Best decision I've ever made

mmollytoots Sat 06-Jun-15 17:33:03

bottom line is I don't like the person they've turned me into.

griselda101 Sat 06-Jun-15 17:33:17

can one or both of you not just actively avoid them, or does your DP want to stay in contact with them? Could it just be that your DP has a relationship with them, completely separate and apart from you and your DD (if he wants to see them still)? I would say if he does want to maintain a relationship that he has to liaise with them directly, they use his phone for any communication, and keep you and DD away from them. Then forget them and focus on your life.

mmollytoots Sat 06-Jun-15 17:35:15

yes I can easily try and increase distance. Mil invited herself up once a week to see the baby but she wouldn't even text me to say oh how are you Molly. she would just the text saying what day are you free so I can see DD, so I cut those Vista because they stressed me out and I hated them so getting there

mmollytoots Sat 06-Jun-15 17:35:39

not real name btw just easier

griselda101 Sat 06-Jun-15 17:38:40

i would be clear with her if she wants to see DD she has to develop at least a civil relationship with you, if not then she can't see her.

just say you're not comfortable with the way she talks to you sometimes and point out some examples of why, and maybe she can work towards changing this if she wants to keep up a relationship, if she doesn't then no loss!!

Is there any reason she and SIL might be upset with you or are they just bitchy types?

Theycallmemellowjello Sat 06-Jun-15 17:39:59

I suppose the bottom line is what you want out of the situation for your DC. From what you've said, MiL and SiL don't like you and your DP for some reason, but keep it civil (but not much more than civil) when they see you. SiL's decision to have a baby and a christening doesn't affect you, so don't worry about that. The only thing that might be worrying is that MiL will show favouritism to SiL's kids. I guess you have to decide whether you can address that (eg by your DP having a word with MiL, or getting MiL to bond with your DC a bit). If you feel you can't change it, or don't want to for whatever reason, then you just have to do damage control and try to make sure your DC don't pick up on the vibes. That probably means limiting contact, which it sounds like you want anyway.

mmollytoots Sat 06-Jun-15 17:40:29

they are Narcissistic so I have talked to them in the past but she acts nice for a day then goes back to normal.

they are incredibly bitchy and egg each other on.

his mum blames me for the fact her son grew up and wasn't so close anymore to her

griselda101 Sat 06-Jun-15 17:44:47

if i were you I would go completely NC as far as poss and think of them as a lost cause... then you can focus on your life again

let DP see them separately if he so wishes but ask him not to involve you in it.

keep your DD away from them too if you can, that or DP has to liaise over / supervise her visits.

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