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Ds friend spends his bday money on them and friends parents want money back

(334 Posts)
brownpaperbag2 Sat 06-Jun-15 13:12:27

This time of year there are lots of summer fares - one for the primary school, one for the secondary school, one for the village, one for the football club, one for the scout group, etc. as a family we spend a lot at the fares we go to, about £60 at each. For this reason I pick the fares we want to support, primary and secondary schools in the main.

Today is the football fare and it is held in the local recreation ground. My ds doesn't play football, but he wanted to go. There is a bouncy castle and he is 8. I said no. He was called on by his friend who asked if he wanted to play and I said yes.

Unknown to me they went to the Park and the friend took his £90 birthday money and between them they spent it in 3 hours. Friends mum wasn't aware her son had taken his birthday money or that the recreation ground had a fare on. They went on the bouncy castle that is like an obstacle course which was 50p a go, a bungee game, and had burgers, tattoos, drinks etc

She just called to ask me for £45!!!!!

Am I being unreasonable to say no?

brownpaperbag2 Sat 06-Jun-15 13:13:31

The boys went to the park without an adult, which is normal where we are as it is a little village.

sonjadog Sat 06-Jun-15 13:14:50

I think you say no. Obviously this was a very unwise way for your don't friend to spend his birthday money, but it will teach him an important lesson for the future. Yes, it is a shame for him, but he also has to learn from his mistakes.

sonjadog Sat 06-Jun-15 13:15:18

Son's not don't

hotdogsandmustard Sat 06-Jun-15 13:16:31

Has your son got any savings ?

OOAOML Sat 06-Jun-15 13:16:31

£90??????? I'd be asking serious questions about what they spent it on - luxury organic burgers??

dexter73 Sat 06-Jun-15 13:16:31

If my son did that then I wouldn't expect the other parent to pay it back. If he is old enough to be allowed to go to the fair on his own then he is old enough to bear the consequences of spending all his money. Maybe his mum should keep any birthday money in the future so he can't just spend it when he wants.

CatthiefKeith Sat 06-Jun-15 13:16:54

I think I would be having stern words with my child about taking advantage of a friends kindness, and then making them pay it back - does he have any savings/birthday money of his own? If not I think 8 is plenty old enough to wash cars/ do housework to earn back the money to pay his friend back.

DillyDilly Sat 06-Jun-15 13:17:02

Yes, I think you are being unreasonable. Your DS shouldn't have gone to the fare without asking you and he shouldn't have used his friend's money to pay for stuff. Both boys in the wrong and imo it's only fair you reimburse for the money your DS spent.

HoldYerWhist Sat 06-Jun-15 13:17:28

I would try to find out if (and how!) they spent £90 but, I would pay back whatever my son spent.

QueefOfTheDamned Sat 06-Jun-15 13:17:34

I don't think you should pay. It's an expensive but important lesson for the friend and his parents.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 Sat 06-Jun-15 13:17:39

I would say that while not technically liable, I would absolutely have to pay them something. Her son shouldn't have taken the money (he shouldn't have been able to, imo) but at 8 they don't comprehend the value of money. And the money was spent on your son too, so I'd feel liable for some of it, personally.

My real question however would be: how the fuck is that 2 8 year old can be off for hours with none of their parents knowing where they are or what they are doing? And no, "small village" is not the answer to that one.

expatinscotland Sat 06-Jun-15 13:17:57

She turned an 8-year-old loose with 90 quid?!

TBH, I wouldn't have £45 to give her. I spend £50 max on birthdays.

HoldYerWhist Sat 06-Jun-15 13:18:27

Also, your son went without even asking?! Mine would be in trouble for that for starters.

FenellaFellorick Sat 06-Jun-15 13:18:38

I would be very angry with my son for allowing a friend to spend that much on him, tbh. I think I would make him pay it back.

ImperialBlether Sat 06-Jun-15 13:19:02

I would say no, unless I thought my son was bullying his friend into spending money. So, if my son went around to the boy's house, told him to bring all his money and they went to the fair and spent it all, I'd pay half. That's not what happened here, though, is it?

Also if it was the mum's money, I'd pay up. Why on earth did the boy take all that money with him? Did he return home for more?

HoldYerWhist Sat 06-Jun-15 13:19:22

She didn't know her son had taken the money, expat.

BertPuttocks Sat 06-Jun-15 13:19:37

I think you should make a donation of some kind to cover the cost of what was spent on your ds, but I think the boy's mother was wrong to ask for money.

Lilicat1013 Sat 06-Jun-15 13:19:50

I think she is being very unreasonable, I assume her son is roughly the same age as yours, so about 8/9? In that case she shouldn't have been allowing him £90 hold on to, whether she thought he had taken it out with him or not. He isn't old enough to be responsible for it.

If my young child had birthday money I would hold on to it till they wanted to spend it or help them put it in the bank. She opted not to do that and this is the consequence.

Unless there is a suggestion that your son bullied or manipulated the money from the other boy there is no reason you should be paying it back. He spent it as he wanted to and they probably had a great time! In her position I would let it be a natural lesson to him in that he wouldn't have the money now to spend on other things and a lesson to me not to let him keep hold of it. I wouldn't be asking another parent for money.

TheBuffyBot Sat 06-Jun-15 13:20:40

Yes friends choice to spend his birthday money but if your son didn't have any money to go he should not have allowed his friend to pay for everything for him really.
Am shock that 2 8 year olds could find enough things to spend £90 on at a school fayre!

TheFirstOfHerName Sat 06-Jun-15 13:21:18

I would offer a contribution (probably £30) and then get my child to gradually pay me back from pocket money etc.

expatinscotland Sat 06-Jun-15 13:21:54

'My real question however would be: how the fuck is that 2 8 year old can be off for hours with none of their parents knowing where they are or what they are doing? And no, "small village" is not the answer to that one.'

That, too. There are so many 'sensible' adults running round in children's bodies on MN, though. Funny that, never met any 8 or 10-year-old's who weren't still children and, well, acted like children, too.

StayGoldPonyBoy Sat 06-Jun-15 13:22:53

I wouldn't pay. The son needs to learn the value of money and she needs to learn not to be so slack with £90 that an 8 year old can sneak it outhmm

I'd have a chat about boundaries though, I don't think your 8 year old should have been roaming long enough without you knowing where he was to have £45 worth of fun at a fair!

expatinscotland Sat 06-Jun-15 13:23:40

'She didn't know her son had taken the money, expat.'

She doesn't know a lot about what her son gets up to, apparently hmm

Who leaves that kind of money lying around? Who lets an 8-year-old go hooning around on his own for hours and hours? This isn't 1970 anymore.

AWholeLottaNosy Sat 06-Jun-15 13:24:01

They had tattoos??

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