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To be a bit miffed at DH...

(34 Posts)
bethatasitmay Sat 06-Jun-15 09:26:31

He's invited some friends over "in the afternoon", no more specifics. He's suggested I make fajitas for dinner because they like Mexican food. He's then gone off to do his hobby (something he does every week, so I probably shouldn't be surprised) which goes on till 1.30pm.

We've not done the shopping for this evening meal, the house is a tip, and DD won't sit still while I clean, which he knows.

AIBU to be a little annoyed? I'm sure he won't be mad if the house is a mess when our friends arrive and if he has to run out while they're here for groceries, but I'd feel so embarrassed at our sloppiness!

bethatasitmay Sat 06-Jun-15 09:28:19

I probably am being unreasonable, as 1.30's still pretty early in the day, but "afternoon" could mean any time after 12, right?

AuditAngel Sat 06-Jun-15 09:29:08

If organising the food for his friends wasn't important enough to give up his hobby today, then he Dan do it when he gets back.

Why does DD need to sit still while you clean? How old is she? Can she get involved in the tidying?

ruby1234 Sat 06-Jun-15 09:29:34

Text him a list of shopping to pick up on his way home.
Tidy the worst of the mess.
Leave him to cook it. His guests, his invitation.

bethatasitmay Sat 06-Jun-15 09:29:59

She's 15 months! Also just discovered walking... confused

AlternativeTentacles Sat 06-Jun-15 09:30:28

I'd make myself fajitas and say 'you were right, they were lovely. We have gone out for the day. Make sure the pots are done by the time we get back'.

Humansatnav Sat 06-Jun-15 09:30:43

YANBU. Are you the hired help ?

purplemurple1 Sat 06-Jun-15 09:30:43

Id just carry on with whatever you had planned for the morning and let him deal with all when he gets home including cooking the dinner. Cheeky fecker suggesting what you cook for people he has invited over.

callmewhatever Sat 06-Jun-15 09:30:56

YANBU, he should at least be helping you clean. Whilst I don't mind a little mess, if friends are coming over I like a tidy house, don't want people knowing we live like pigs most of the time grin

3CheekyLittleMonkeys Sat 06-Jun-15 09:31:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OstentatiousBreastfeeder Sat 06-Jun-15 09:31:52

I'd have told him no in this scenario.

Why should you rush around cleaning your house and then cook for extra people, all while looking after your child alone while he goes off to have fun? All at a moment's notice?

Yabu to agree.

KatieScarlettreregged Sat 06-Jun-15 09:33:36

I would do bugger all then go out for the day. Let DH deal.

SurlyCue Sat 06-Jun-15 09:33:57

He's invited some friends over "in the afternoon

This is the only piece of information that is relevant to you. Specifically the word he.

You have nothing to do with any of it other than being present if you wish. The rest is his responsibility.

Dont cave out of embarrassment.

bethatasitmay Sat 06-Jun-15 09:34:39

To be fair the friends involved are mutual friends, and he is generally good at helping with cleaning etc. I just don't understand why he can't miss a day of his hobby if he's invited friends over from a different city and at a vague time. What if they arrive before he gets back?

OstentatiousBreastfeeder Sat 06-Jun-15 09:35:13

I'm sure he won't be mad if the house is a mess when our friends arrive

How nice of him!

TedAndLola Sat 06-Jun-15 09:36:40

I was angry on your behalf until your last paragraph. He's not actually expecting you to clean and sort out dinner, so his only crime is to invite people without checking with you - annoying, but not misogynistic and totally thoughtless.

Your guests are not going to judge you for having a messy house with a 15 month old. Tell DH it embarrasses you and to please give you more notice when he invites people in future, but try to enjoy your evening!

SurlyCue Sat 06-Jun-15 09:37:28

he is generally good at helping with cleaning etc

He is good (like a good boy?) at helping (helping who? His mummy?)

Woul you ever hear him saying to anyone that you were good at helping with cleaning? Ever? Doubt it. Adults dont help with cleaning in their own homes. They just clean.

pictish Sat 06-Jun-15 09:38:26

Right - here's the tidy in preparation and he shops and cooks. How about that?

pictish Sat 06-Jun-15 09:39:14

And when I say tidy, I mean bare minimum required.

howabout Sat 06-Jun-15 09:40:28

YANBU and I think it is worse than if they were just his friends as then I would just leave him to it as others have suggested.
I would be reaching for the take away menu so you have time to entertain rather than worrying about catering. He should be either taking the dd or doing the housework as soon as he gets back.

The way your post reads you sound like you live in fear of making him or yourself mad by not meeting domestic standards while he gets on and lives his life outside the home! This does not sound a very equal arrangement but maybe I am reading too much into the actual words?

HellKitty Sat 06-Jun-15 09:40:39

Text him the shopping.
When he gets in tell him to clean the kitchen/whatever while you have a bath.


TracyBarlow Sat 06-Jun-15 09:44:20

I think I'd just go out for the day. I would go properly mad at my husband if he did something like that. Send him a text saying 'just off out to the park. Will be back some time this afternoon. Looking forward to fajitas later!' And let him worry about it.

BuyMeAPony Sat 06-Jun-15 09:45:26

I'd tidy up, not clean. Maybe bathroom if you care. Text him shopping list and let him cook. Not that there's much cooking required but it's the principle.

If they are mutual friends, text them yourself and ask what time was arranged. Ask them to bring crisps and dips.

If you think you'll have a nice time don't make a big drama of it. Not that you are. But some people seem to be suggesting that you should.

Shinyandnew1 Sat 06-Jun-15 09:48:00

Ted and Lola-didn't op say
He's suggested I make fajitas for dinner because they like

pictish Sat 06-Jun-15 09:51:02

If you think you'll have a nice time don't make a big drama of it. Not that you are. But some people seem to be suggesting that you should.

Agree. He sounds a normal, reasonable sort of chap. Just tell him you're up for it but it has been sprung on you and he'll have to do his bit. I'm sure he'll be agreeable.

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