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His divorce

(500 Posts)
WatchingWaiting4 Fri 05-Jun-15 23:01:08

Am I being unreasonable to want my boyfriend to accept my offer to lend him £400 to get his divorce papers sent off?

ollieplimsoles Fri 05-Jun-15 23:03:09

Need more info!

What's the situ with him and his ex wife?

MsVestibule Fri 05-Jun-15 23:03:20

A bit more context needed! How long have you been seeing him? How long has he been separated?

FarFromAnyRoad Fri 05-Jun-15 23:03:22

No you are not being unreasonable to want that. You are free to 'want' whatever you fancy. What does he want?

Golfhotelromeofoxtrot Fri 05-Jun-15 23:04:25

1. Why doesn't he want to accept it?
2. Why can't he pay for it himself?
3. Why are you bothered about it?

WatchingWaiting4 Fri 05-Jun-15 23:11:01

I have another thread from a little while ago if you search for my username.
Basically we've been together almost 2 years and he still hasn't divorced his ex. 2 year wait for divorce was up in January. Said he'd get on with it back in December but only moved on it a month ago when I nagged and nagged and got an online package but says he can't afford to send it off to the court.

CalleighDoodle Fri 05-Jun-15 23:14:07

Cant read his mind, but if i was going to guess id say:
He doesnt want to get divorced.
You are the rebound.
He isnt financially secure enough to marry.

FarFromAnyRoad Fri 05-Jun-15 23:14:34

I'd say then that the truth is that he doesn't want to. That would lead me to wonder whether he sees a future with you. Sorry - that's probably not what you want to hear but he's failing to remove the one thing stopping him making an official committment to you isn't he. What do YOU think it's all about?

CalleighDoodle Fri 05-Jun-15 23:14:58

I remember your last thread and im oretty sure you had lots of people tell you much of the same.

Why do you think he is a good catch?

MsVestibule Fri 05-Jun-15 23:16:45

YANBU. I wouldn't be happy if somebody I'd been dating for 2 years was dragging his heels about getting divorced. Do you have any plans to move in together/get married when/if he does get divorced?

ilovesooty Fri 05-Jun-15 23:16:59

It doesn't sound as though he is in any hurry to get divorced.

SweetAndFullOfGrace Fri 05-Jun-15 23:17:39

If I were in your situation I would see it as an indication that he wasn't interested in me long term and I would start to look for an exit strategy.

FarFromAnyRoad Fri 05-Jun-15 23:17:51

Oh dear. Is this another one asking the same question but hoping to get a different more agreeable answer? OP what do you want us to tell you and will you only believe it when it's the answer you want?

WorraLiberty Fri 05-Jun-15 23:18:08

I agree with FarFromAnyRoad

This has to come from him and it doesn't really sound as though it's just the money that's holding him back.

I would have gone out busking to raise money for my divorce, especially when I met my now husband.

And I can't even sing or play an instrument blush

WatchingWaiting4 Fri 05-Jun-15 23:19:39

He says I'm being unreasonable. He's self employed but earns a minimum of £300 at worst and is back living with his parents. He's still paying the mortgage on his house with his ex and says he will as long as his son is happy which I do get. There is always an excuse.

FarFromAnyRoad Fri 05-Jun-15 23:19:51

I remember walking past you worra - that day you cussed me out and called me a fucking tight arse. Well. You can't sing. You really really can't sing!

WatchingWaiting4 Fri 05-Jun-15 23:21:28

Exactly worra, you find a way

WatchingWaiting4 Fri 05-Jun-15 23:23:33

I'm the one in the wrong being unreasonable and relentless.

MsVestibule Fri 05-Jun-15 23:24:44

watching what do you want us to tell you? He doesn't want to get a divorce. I don't know why, but it's not down to lack of money.

FarFromAnyRoad Fri 05-Jun-15 23:25:55

Well OP - do you think it might be time to reconsider where you're going with this relationship. If he's got a young son it's probably not going to change for 15 years or more.

WatchingWaiting4 Fri 05-Jun-15 23:26:38

I know he has some money coming through that he wants to pay off a credit card. I suggested he used some of the money for the divorce and pay a bit of interest on his credit card and at least it would be done. He says this is unreasonable and he needs to spend any money he has buying equipment for work.

ChopinLiszt Fri 05-Jun-15 23:27:45

He's just not that into you. Tough message but best to realise it sooner rather than later.

Grab hold of your dignity and STOP nagging him. He's being pretty clear and you deserve more

WatchingWaiting4 Fri 05-Jun-15 23:28:44

He says he loves me and he wants the divorce and isn't making excuses

ilovesooty Fri 05-Jun-15 23:28:44

I remember your other thread now. Why are you still wasting your time on him?

SaucyJack Fri 05-Jun-15 23:29:42

It's obviously not a priority for him to get divorced at the moment. I doubt it means anything significant- just that he has better things to do with his limited time and money.

Is it a deal breaker for you?

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