to put myself on the reward chart?

[dinoswore]

I am really struggling in the mornings to stay calm.

I'm a recently single parent to a 6 and 3 yo. Every morning I promise myself I will not lose my temper and shout. Every morning I fail.

I find my 6yo particularly provoking. She refuses to get out of bed, messes about when she should be getting dressed, is nasty to the 3yo, argues and whines. Sometimes she isn't like this but mostly she is.

I suspect she is tired due to going to sleep too late - an issue I need to work on.

I need to calm things right down in the mornings though, and I'm afraid that starts with me. I react badly and quickly - I just don't seem to have any patience. And of course I escalate the situation by losing my rag.

I was thinking of trying a reward chart, specifically for how we all behave in the mornings, with a target for each one of us - e.g the 6yo 'do what mum asks the first time of asking', the 3 yo 'be kind to everyone' and for me, 'keep a calm voice'.

Is that OK, do you think? Or should reward charts only be for DC?

[TeenAndTween]

Sounds fine to me

[ItsTricky]

Go for it. Anything is worth a try! Dc will be able to see that when they are good it helps mummy be good. Maybe when you've all earned a certain amount of stickers between you - like a whole week in a row - you could have a little treat together, go to the kids weekend movie or something.

[WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant]

Yes! Go for it!
Get the 6 yo involved too.
Let them all have a few targets, some chosen by themselves (easy) and some chosen by you.
And make sure you do something fun at the weekend for your reward, so you can all see how it's much better to get along together.
Remember, they don't have to be hard targets to earn a star.
And the reward doesn't have to be expensive or big.
Sure your 6 year old will enjoy helping you get some stars if you are falling behind!

[dinoswore]

Exactly the treat I had in mind - a Sunday cinema trip. Thank you - I thought you would all say I was being ridiculous.

[LauraChant]

I'm about to do that as well, funnily enough. I said "shall mummy's target be not to get cross" and DS said "nooo, that's too hard!". So it might be not to shout/ to keep a calm voice. Although I would quite like it to be "not to snack" for me but I don't want really want to make a big thing about dieting so I will just have to do that without sticker rewards!

I did some volunteering with disadvantaged teenagers yonks ago and all the volunteers had to have targets and goals in our lives that we were held to as strictly as the teenagers - it's just theirs were things like "don't take drugs" or "don't steal things" whereas ours were things like "do more exercise". It worked out well though them seeing us find it difficult etc.

[0x530x610x750x630x79]

I found letting my son play on the ipad when he is dressed is what worked best for me, getting him dressed was hell but since that sunk in he is dressed before he leaves the bedroom.
And a single tantrum about having to stop playing is 2 days he isn't allowed to touch it :)
but then reward charts have never worked for him, not instant enough.

[Theycallmemellowjello]

I’m absolutely no expert, but are you sure it is a good idea to share parental worries with children that small? I would have thought that for a 6 year old the most important thing is having a stable home and dependable parents – I feel like a chart like this would undermine that somewhat. Personally I wouldn’t share this type of worry with a child that age for fear of it being counterproductive. Can you just have a rewards system that is private to you.

[couchparsnip]

Brilliant idea. I think i need one as well.

My two are 7 and 9 and every morning we are rushing because something vital has been forgotten or DD has been dancing around in her pants for 10 minutes and not getting dressed or something... Nearly every morning I end up getting ratty with them. Star charts for all of us maybe.

[couchparsnip]

x post with mellowjello but I stand by my answer. Children need to know their parents aren't perfect. I think identifying and overcoming a behaviour you don't like in yourself is an excellent lesson for them.