Is husband being U about cats or am I?(83 Posts)
We have 2 cats, 1 is a real pet and loves human contact and the other who is shyer and prefers the company of other cats to humans. Since we had our ds last year, the cats have been banned from the house due to severe allergies. Presently they sleep in a nice cosy garage with a catflap for access to the garden and are well fed and happy.
However, we are in the process of moving house and the new place has no garage or even utility where we can keep the cats. So we have bought a full sized shed for them to live in and I want to put a catflap on it. The first week of course I will restrict them to the shed unless they are supervised but after that they will be free to come and go with the catflap. Problem is, H has now decided that it would be a waste of money to buy the catflap yet, he reckons that the cats are going to run away and we should wait and see before buying it, just in case. He honestly thinks that we should just bring them to the new house and let them off and if they run away, so be it. I actually think he would be almost pleased not to have the burden of them anymore and am furious with him for being so callous.
I love the cats but do admit that they would probably be more comfortable in a home where they are allowed to be indoors but they are content and well looked after and I would hate to see them go. It would be nigh on impossible to rehome 2 adult cats anyway. I've always been more of a cat lover than my husband but he never objected when we got them. I am aghast that he now sees the poor animals as nothing more than an inconvenience he would sooner be rid of. It's hard to believe that he is normally a very thoughtful selfless person. AIBU and overreacting or is he just being cruel?
YANBU We have always looked on the cats as part of the family and lived in places where they can be accommodated
Though I do wonder if they might be happier in a house where they aren't relegated to a shed in the garden - do you know anyone who might take them in?
But tbh I'm not convinced the cats are having the most marvellous time living with you all and they're going to need to be kept in much longer than a week when you move.
I think the time is right for rehoming now.
Dont do it poor cats. Why dont you look at rehoming them?
Hmmm going against the grain here but the cat who lives humans how does she get her human touch if she lives in the garage?
I would let them go to a family where they can stay indoors. I've never heard of cats living in a shed although I do admire your loyalty to them considering there is an allergy.
Cruel beast! Rehome DH if he doesn't mend his ways.
No of course you need a catflap. They are hardly expensive in Argos, but more to the point you have a responsibility to them.
We also have shed cats btw, and the vet is very happy we can give them a good life.
He wants the cats gone, he's not even trying to hide the fact he'd be happy if they were. YANBU
I know the cat's situation isn't ideal and believe me, if I could rehome them to somewhere they would be more comfortable I would. I tried when DS was born and we realised his allergies but couldn't find anyone to take them. All the local shelters told me the same thing-there is almost zero chance of rehoming through them given the cats ages so if we gave them up to the shelter they would live their lives out in those cage kennels
As far as the cat who like human contact- our kitchen is joined onto the garage (which we use as a utility room) and I am in and out all day talking to her and petting etc. I also spend a lot of time with her in the garden when the weather is ok and the rest of tge time she is up on theoutside of our livingroom windowsill and I will have the window open and be talking to her and petting her.
Re-home the husband.
He is being very cruel and basically wants them dying of starvation/predation/being hit by a car.
Interesting to see how he reacts to vulnerable people need care.
If your Ds's allergies are so severe that the cats can't live in the house, I'm not sure you spending so much time petting one of them will be doing him many favours either.
Interesting to see how he reacts to vulnerable people need care.
Exactly what I was thinking. Can't believe he's being like this because he's usually so kind (to other people anyway!) and we're not so brassic that we can't afford a catflap. Makes me wonder how quick and coldly he might get rid of a person in a similar scemario.
He has been under a lot of stress lately and we have been discussimg what would be best for the cats with rehoming etc so maybe he just isn't thinkimg clearly. Maybe he just reckons that if they ran off, someone would definitely take them in and they would be happier? Thing is, his brother found a cat that had obviously been dumped last year and H thought it was awful but he can't seem to see that what he is trying to do now is just as bad...
I don't understand why the shed needs a catflap, which seems to be the bone of contention between you and your DH.
When I was growing up, we had a cat; he was allowed in the house but his bed was in the shed (very cosy with lots of old woollies in it). The door was propped open in the day so he could go in there if he wanted, and he was shut in it at night, so he didn't go roaming too far or getting into fights. He never messed in there overnight (if that was the point of the catflap).
It's one of those magnetic collar catflaps we need. We had to get one to replace our old regular catflap because visiting cats were roaming through it and attacking ours or eating their food. It's for their own safety really.
The issue isn't that I want a catflap and he doesn't, it's the whole reason behind why he doesn't want to get one that has shocked me. He keeps saying that I am being unrealistic to think that the cats will stay. He obviously thinks that I am the unreasonable one because we argued about it earlier and I went off in a huff and he has just come home now and said very little to me and gone to bed.
Oh and also, I suspect that he doesn't want to cut the hole in the shed because if, as he says, the cats DO run away, he will want to use the shed for himself. The more I think about it the worse it sounds. He doesn't seem to realise that these are our animals and we have a responsibility and duty of care to them.
Well leave him to sulk. Source a microchip cat flap and fit it to the shed.
Maybe it's the stress of moving.
But a catflap doesn't render a shed useless!
If the cost of the catflap is an issue, you could replace your current magnetic one with a new basic one at the last minute, and take the posh one with you. But as you say, it sounds like that is not the real issue.
I think kinky has a point about allergens on you.
DH tells me cat flaps are no fun to fit, which might be part of it.
We have two, one in the upvc door, bought a plain panel and cut it out before fitting it and one in a garden gate so he doesn't have to jump off a tall fence and hurt his paw-paws. Yes, I call paws "paw paws".
Think of all the fun you can have with heated igloo beds, you will certainly need a power supply to the shed for that and the water fountains filled with volvic water and the cctv system linked to the tv to monitor them remotely.
I could have hours of fun leaving pet orientated amazon wish lists open on the lap top by accident
Not a cat owner, but will they be safe/warm enough in a shed in winter when its way below freezing?
Your dh obviously doesn't have an emotional attachment to the cats which I think is fair enough, not all people do with animals. As long as he wouldn't see them suffer.
I would try rehoming again rather than have them living in a shed. Do you have any family who would maybe take them in?
I do think you are overreacting a bit. If the cats are going to run off, they will do it whether there is a catflap there or not, when you let them out after a week - so I don't think the flap is the issue! Your DH may be concerned about your DS, if you are petting the cats then you will be passing the allergens on to your DS. Do you think he may have been hoping you would rehome the cats before moving?
Nope, if H was worried about the allergens etc he would say so. I know the cats will run off if they want to but my problem is that he thinks we should just leve them off, ie bring them to the new house on the first day and let them off without any supervision and if they run off (which they more than likely will), then we will have saved money on a catflap.
He was never a huge cat lover but used to have more affection for them than what he does now, especially the people loving cat who we have had for a long time. His cold attitude that has me taken aback, as if he couldn't care less if they suffer.
My plan is to restrict them in the shed for a week, bringing them out a few times a day and showing them the garden and getting them used to it before giving them free access to it.
As for the shed being warm enough in winter- we got a load of insulation to tack along the waylls and have lined the floor with chipboard. Also the floor will be covered in bedding (old duvets and pillows etc)
Cats have nice fur coats. Most animals live in a hole or suchlike!
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