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AIBU?

To ask what you'd think in this situation?

36 replies

Alfieisnoisy · 04/06/2015 18:34

Ive been accused of damaging a car in a car park with my door.

To my knowledge I have not done this BUT I had two Y7 children with me (DS and a classmate) who were getting in the car and it was windy. It's possible one of those could have done this without realising it had caused damage or were scared to say.

As far as I am aware the accusation is based upon speculation as I was parked next to the car which was damaged. It was a school car park and I have permission to park there as my child is disabled.

Don't know what to do. I will ask the children if either of them were aware of their door hitting another car.

Feel sick at the thought of a teachers car being damaged by my car and not realising. Would willingly pay for any damage as i am almost over honest. I epuld always leave a note if i was aware i was a fault. On the other hand don't want just to accept the accusation without proof.

Have spoken to my insurance company who want details to put on file. I've contacted the school to ask that they provide those....date and time etc but no reply yet.

A bit of friction going on between me and the school over their management of my son's disability at the moment. The Head is very off with me even though I am not criticising the school....just the mainstream system. I don't for one moment think he would make any think like this up but it's not his car which had been damaged. Would have thought the staff member concerned would have approached me as I am in the school every day to collect DS.

Do I just accept that maybe one of the kids did this without my realisation and offer insurance details? Or not?

Don't know what to do?

Have spoken to both DS and his friend who are adamant that their car door did not hit any other car....I stressed that they would not be in trouble but I needed to know if this had happened as a teacher's car was damaged.

No reply from the school as yet. I've asked for details so that my insurance company can log it. This was their advice when I phoned them.

OP posts:

Report

Alfieisnoisy · 04/06/2015 18:36

Sorry for typos and repeating myself l. Using a phone.

OP posts:

LindyHemming · 04/06/2015 19:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrohnicallyInflexible · 04/06/2015 19:33

Where is the damage to the teacher's car? Which side were you parked? Is there any paint transferred to the teacher's car? Any marks on the edge of your doors? How can the teacher be sure it was done that day and not previously?

TheWitTank · 04/06/2015 19:38

I would sat this accusation is sketchy at best -I presume that it wasn't witnessed or caught on cctv? Where is the evidence? Can you see any paint transference or chips on your doors? I wouldn't pay if I genuinely believed I hadn't done it. Whose to say it wasn't done previously but not noticed?

ragged · 04/06/2015 19:42

I didn't think you were allowed to admit liability. Refer whole thing to the insurance companies & they argue it out.

ChampagneBabyCakes · 04/06/2015 19:43

The teachers car would have been there all day with people coming in and out of the school parking alongside it. There is a fair chance it wasn't you. Unless someone saw it happen, the gates were locked all day and no one else could park, or there is a huge strip of paint your car colour on the teachers car, then how can anyone be sure?

paddypants13 · 04/06/2015 19:43

Unless they have adult witnesses or CCTV or other evidence there's not really much the other driver can do.

Have you looked at your car doors to see if there is any damage to your car which is new and in the correct area?

I would be very reluctant to give any details or admit liability if I were in your situation. The damage could have been caused anywhere without the teacher realising. Then again I am a bitter, twisted old synic and I work in the motor industry, which makes me suspicious of allegations about damage.

momieplum · 04/06/2015 19:46

You could detail it all for your insurer and get your insurer to deal direct with their insurer. That would then remove the personal element and reduce the affect on your relationship with the school. The teacher would have to make representations to their insurer and provide photos and other evidence to their insurer to enable them to deal with yours. The downside is that your insurer might do a deal which affects your premium.

I was in a situation similar except it was my car damaged and I let it go, as I didn't want the relationship to be affected with the person, but looking back I wish I'd simply handed it to my insurer - it would have been better - beauty of hindsight.

Alfieisnoisy · 04/06/2015 19:50

Thanks, I have checked all the car doors on my car and there is nothing....no marks beyond the usual little fine scratches. Nothing to indicate anywhere that there has been any kind of impact.

It was the Head who did the accusing. He wasn't horrible. ..just asked me if I was aware that I'd damaged a car in the car park. I said I didn't and he said I did and said where I had parked....and was accurate in that. This us why I am wondering if DS or his friend could unknowingly have caused the damage.

I would feel awful if they had and I didn't realise.

Thing is that this apparently occurred two days ago and nobody has approached me until this morning. That was the Head.

I am suspicious about him making this accusation the day after I'd left a terse message on the school answerphone about DS's Statement not being adhered to. Part of me thinks he was suspecting me of causing the damage as I was parked there but had no proof. I think it's very odd that he's chosen today to bring the subject up.

It wasn't his car.
I am in the school daily.
No teacher has approached me to ask if my car might have damaged theirs.
I've had no response to any request for details.

Would senior schools usually have CCTV in their car parks? If so am assuming they could check.

OP posts:

CloverMcL · 04/06/2015 20:33

Hold on. You are spiraling out of control on this. To the best of your knowledge nothing happened and you have no definitive way to establish the truth one way or another. Nothing more to be done on this.

Clearly you are upset about the general relationship with the school and I'd suggest that you focus on that. How was this even suggested as being your fault?

Alfieisnoisy · 04/06/2015 20:41

I am waiting for details. The Head made the accusation . He then said it would be up to the person whose car it was about how to proceed. This is why I want to know.

OP posts:

crustsaway · 04/06/2015 20:45

The Head, made that, an accusation. I'd tell him that you didnt, you'd asked the children and they said they didn't. How dare he really.

Toohardtofindaproperusername · 04/06/2015 21:02

Ignore it. Don't tell your insurance company anything. If someone comes to you whose car was damaged and who wants to claim against your insurance company for the damage, then re post for some advice. Damage to someone else's car has got nothing to do with the head unless s/he witnessed it and wants to do something about it. Intimidation and bullying come to mind. Just ignore ignore ignore. And don't forget to breathe!

Altinkum · 04/06/2015 21:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AcrossthePond55 · 04/06/2015 21:16

The head is way out of line. It sounds like HE decided that you were the one who did it, without witnessing it himself, based on the fact that you were parked next to the other car? And then he actually told the other person this? Wow.

It would be up to the person with the damaged car to contact their insurance company, who in turn would contact you. The thing is there's no way to know exactly who damaged the car without cctv footage, a witness, or paint transfer. The fact that you were parked next to a car with damage means nothing in itself. And that's all you have to say to your insurance company.

Alfieisnoisy · 04/06/2015 21:27

Thanks all for your advice and support.

There is no love lost between me and the Head, I think he is a pompous arrogant and dare I sat misogynistic dinosaur. And yes I always feel intimidated by him. All stems from a meeting in January which I left feeling like I'd been trampled over. The only reason DS is still in the school is because I have nowhere else to send him.

OP posts:

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 04/06/2015 21:30

Why don't you just say that you aren't aware of any damage caused by your car, bit you'd happily discuss it direct with the owner of the damaged car rather than through him, as it's a private (non-school) matter?

MirandaGoshawk · 04/06/2015 21:43

You have said that, to the best of your knowledge, you or your passengers didn't damage the car. I would stick to that until the owner of the car contacts you. If I was the teacher concerned I'd be talking ot you, not going to the Head. Can't the teacher sort this out for him/herself? Sounds odd to me, as if the Head is taking things into his own hands.

Alfieisnoisy · 05/06/2015 10:31

Thanks all. I now have the name of the staff member concerned and have left her my number. Have asked her to contact me
Can't do any more than this.

I probably AM over thinking things but I have to be totally above board with things. I don't trust this head teacher any further than I can throw him.....which wouldn't be far.

OP posts:

muminhants1 · 05/06/2015 11:07

If there's no damage on your car, it wasn't you or your kids/friends. You would have heard your car door slamming into the car next door as well.

There's no evidence.

Move on.

fearandloathinginambridge · 05/06/2015 11:14

I would want to know if the person who owns the car asked the Head to speak to you about it? If it were my car I wouldn't ask the Head to approach you, I would get your contact details and approach you myself, but I would only do this if I had solid evidence that you did it ie CCTV or eyewitness. Without that I wouldn't bother. It sounds to me that the Head is enjoying a little power trip at your expense. Sounds like a total wanker to me, even if the car owner had asked him to intervene I think he should have said no, what has it got to do with him?

Fatmomma99 · 05/06/2015 11:18

Does the school office overlook the car park?

i.e. is there anyone who can tell you how many cars (roughly) parked in that space that day?

The office should also be able to tell you who's car you damaged, and you can approach that teacher yourself to discuss it.

I wouldn't rush to ring the insurers unless you feel you need to.

fearandloathinginambridge · 05/06/2015 11:21

And also OP, I would wait for whoever is doing the accusing to approach you. I wouldn't be rushing to make contact with them. Burden of proof is with them, let them do the running.

Alfieisnoisy · 05/06/2015 11:30

Thank you all. Not doing anything else now. Done all I can and the car owner has my number.

OP posts:

Icimoi · 05/06/2015 11:50

How long were you in the car park? Could anyone else have parked there that day?

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