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is this BU?

(27 Posts)
CandyCrushLoco Thu 04-Jun-15 17:10:05

A child goes to a club weekly and, whilst this is happening, the parents all sit in the adjacent cafe which is owned by the people who run the club.
One of the parents used to be fairly sociable and chatty but for the last few months has been very quiet and pretty much ignores everybody else and doesn't say hello unless somebody says hello to them.
Is it being unreasonable to ignore them or is it reasonable to ignore them because they are sending out what could be very clear 'leave me alone' signals?

WorraLiberty Thu 04-Jun-15 17:12:47

I'd just say "Hi, how's you?"

You can normally tell from their mannerisms when they reply, whether they want to be left alone or not.

Golfhotelromeofoxtrot Thu 04-Jun-15 17:14:22

They might just be having a difficult time at the moment. I would still be friendly and say hello, but not push the issue.

TheRoseAndTheFire Thu 04-Jun-15 17:21:32

I'd smile and ask them how they were and then take my cue from them. If they want to engage - fine. If not also fine.

PHANTOMnamechanger Thu 04-Jun-15 17:22:07

if this is a change of character rather than them just being stand-offish from the start, then there is obviously something wrong. They may be dealing with terminal illness in the family, or financial worries to name just a few possibilities.

Just be friendly and say hello, but not OTT. If you have to share a table or something, ask politely if they mind and then take your lead from them on whether they want to chat or not. MOst people will give a brief answer to 'isn't the weather lovely/awful today' without snubbing you or assuming you are intent on prying. If they don't make eye contact they don't want to talk, at all.
Certainly don't ignore and sit in a clique with others looking like you are all gossiping about this person. (have seen this!)

CandyCrushLoco Fri 05-Jun-15 16:30:25


Joolsy Fri 05-Jun-15 16:32:24

You say it's been happening for a few months. How have you been towards this person for that period of time?

CandyCrushLoco Fri 05-Jun-15 16:37:16

All that's happened is that folk have said hello to them and got a mumbled hello back, plus the offer of a coffee which has always been refused.

ShatnersBassoon Fri 05-Jun-15 16:40:25

Leave them to it. They're not exactly avoiding the rest of you, so I wouldn't assume there was any reason for it other than them just wanting to sit in peace for the duration.

ConferencePear Fri 05-Jun-15 16:41:56

Instead of offering a coffee, "Do you mind if I sit here ?" may be a better approach.

DragonWithAGirlTattoo Fri 05-Jun-15 16:43:44

theres probably something going on in their own life that is stressing them out - be friendly and not ott, just say hi and smile and then leave them too it

(but YAVVU with the title of your thread )

Husbanddoestheironing Fri 05-Jun-15 16:44:39

It may just be they have a job that involves a lot of talking and children that talk a lot and crave 20 mins peace and quiet and maybe aren't communicating that in a very sociable way. I would just smile, say hello and maybe the odd friendly comment (so if there is something wrong they don't feel alone/ could join in if they would like) and carry on with the other mums without thinking too much of it. It's nice that you care.

CandyCrushLoco Fri 05-Jun-15 17:09:07

What's wrong with the thread title? I was asking if it was unreasonable?

DragonWithAGirlTattoo Fri 05-Jun-15 17:11:25

you are asking if what is U in your title? you could be asking if your NDN parking was bad, or if the lady in the shop was rude or if you should LTB??

the title (imv) should reflect the thread... so "is this BU?" is not a good title

CandyCrushLoco Fri 05-Jun-15 18:31:03

To be honest I don't care what the thread title is. I wanted some feedback on a situation which is unpleasant and I got it, therefore the thread has served it's purpose and given that I am the one who has been anti-social and stopped being friendly and chatty with the others it's pretty clear that I am in the wrong.

cuntycowfacemonkey Fri 05-Jun-15 18:36:09

I think AIBU any thread title goes! As for if you are in the wrong OP I guess it depends on why you no longer want to be friendly and chatty.

SeenBeen Fri 05-Jun-15 18:37:33

Oh look, it's the thread police!

cuntycowfacemonkey Fri 05-Jun-15 18:38:35

The spelling and grammar police must be expanding their operation

CandyCrushLoco Fri 05-Jun-15 18:39:52

Basically because the last six months have been awful and talking to other people is just too difficult.

Spadequeen Fri 05-Jun-15 18:41:00

Is there a reason you have stopped chatting to the others? They might be concerned about you, I think it's good that they're still saying hi and not just blanking you.

Deemail Fri 05-Jun-15 18:41:28

Op why have you suddenly stopped been friendly?

Spadequeen Fri 05-Jun-15 18:41:29

Cross post sorry

Spadequeen Fri 05-Jun-15 18:44:33

Maybe someone there could help you. Even if its just to take your mind off what is going on.

I hope things get better for you soon

Deemail Fri 05-Jun-15 18:44:36

Sorry crossed posts. Sorry to hear that you're having a hard time.
It sounds as though these are a nice bunch of people who haven't given up on up on you and dont want to leave you out. Try and accept their invitations, you don't have to be full of fun but sometimes a bit of company can do the world of good.

AlmaMartyr Fri 05-Jun-15 18:44:42

I would assume they were having a rough time and try to gently reach out, offer a coffee etc and hope they'd re-engage once they were feeling better. I wouldn't push it too hard though, partly because I would worry that I had caused offence somehow. I think it is a bit off to ignore a friend that has changed in a way that indicates they are struggling, but sadly it seems to be a reasonably common thing.

I really hope everything improves for you soon CandyCrush, and that some people reach out to you. I've been there a bit myself, I struggle to be sociable when life is tough.

Snarking about the thread title is a bit off, it really doesn't matter.

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