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to think that the teacher should have asked me to chat somewhere private

(57 Posts)
CocktailQueen Thu 04-Jun-15 15:54:11

after school, rather than telling me about ds's bad behaviour in the playground in front of everyone and all the mums at pick-up time, making it obvious she was doing so????

I don't think that was very professional.


MissJoMarch Thu 04-Jun-15 15:58:02

YABU - It serves to show you & all other parents that poor behaviour is tackled and parents will be spoken to.

Unless there is a back story, your DS played up & there is nothing confidential to hide.

We've all had that pick up moment of Shame

Mehitabel6 Thu 04-Jun-15 15:59:46

I expect it was just a quick word and not a meeting. I don't expect anyone was listening. I have never paid any attention when teachers have found a parent in the playground for a word.

UnspecialSnowflake Thu 04-Jun-15 15:59:56

YANBU, I've seen this happen a few times and have always felt really bad for the parent. I was once standing next to a mother of a child in DDs class while the teacher was loudly discussing her worries over the number of times this poor woman's child had wet/soiled himself recently.

TwinkieTwinkle Thu 04-Jun-15 16:01:16

Was she talking loud enough for other parents to hear? I would think taking you away somewhere private would draw more attention.

morethanpotatoprints Thu 04-Jun-15 16:01:22

I agree with the OP and reported one teacher for doing this. It is unprofessional and what they have to say and your response is confidential.
There is nothing wrong with pulling you to one side and asking you to go into the school, but if others could hear, this is out of order and really not acceptable.
After I reported, the teacher or no other teacher did this anymore, so it must be considered unacceptable. She apologised too. grin

Mehitabel6 Thu 04-Jun-15 16:01:29

Unless you want a proper sit down meeting I can't see why a room is necessary. I doubt there was a private place at hometime- schools are busy places.

Mistigri Thu 04-Jun-15 16:04:23

It's acceptable (though IMO unnecessary) if it's just a quick word. If anything potentially private is mentioned then it's really totally unprofessional. Ditto if it is something that requires more than a 30 second conversation.

I always refused to engage in conversation at the school gate as I do not believe it's an appropriate setting for a rational exchange between adults.

WorraLiberty Thu 04-Jun-15 16:06:54

If it was just a quick word I don't see a problem.

I suppose she could have made you wait until all the kids in the class had been picked up, then took you off to find an empty classroom, then walked you back out of the building to the playground.

But then I wouldn't blame people for thinking the staff were OTT if they did that, every time they needed to have a word with a parent.

TheyreMadITellYouMaaaad Thu 04-Jun-15 16:07:25

I have been that parent several times, in several schools. It has NEVER been a public conversation. The teacher has always taken me aside, into the classroom or even just a quiet corner of the hall.


chairmeoh Thu 04-Jun-15 16:07:38

YANBU. If my DD's teacher ever wants to chat to any of the class parents, she sends the TA out and asks if the parent could pop into the class for a quick word.

Surely this enables a more productive conversation?

Mehitabel6 Thu 04-Jun-15 16:09:30

If you go in it immediately draws attention to it and there is the problem of what to do with DC, and siblings if there are any. The classroom is too busy- it takes ages for all children to leave and not return + other parents will quite probably be seeking a word. Much easier to have a quick word.

WorraLiberty Thu 04-Jun-15 16:12:13

Mind you, it's nothing to be embarrassed about anyway.

I'd hazard a guess that the majority of parents will end up with a teacher having a word about their kid's behaviour at some time or other.

They're kids after all.

Mehitabel6 Thu 04-Jun-15 16:12:53

If you have half an hour to wait until the school is empty and there is a spare room then I suppose you might prefer it. Personally I would prefer a quick two mins while DC is in the playground and everyone is busy chatting. If the teacher wants a longer talk I would expect them to make an appointment a different day with prior warning.

Mehitabel6 Thu 04-Jun-15 16:14:35

The teacher is probably on the lookout for another couple of parents about something- she will miss them if the quick word becomes an inside meeting.

Mehitabel6 Thu 04-Jun-15 16:17:15

I doubt whether many parents haven't had a teacher trying to find them at the end of the day for lots of different reasons. With 3 children I have often had it- very tiresome to be requested to go in.

soapboxqueen Thu 04-Jun-15 16:21:24

It's actually harder to hear what people are saying to each other when you're outside so it's highly unlikely anyone else heard unless you were squashed in like sardines or the teacher was shouting.

It also depends on how serious the conversation was. A more in depth conversation should happen privately or one with particularly sensitive information. A quick 'johnny was a bit unsettled today. We've had a chat about it' really doesn't need a private meeting. All of the other children will have witnessed the behaviour who will tell their parents anyway.

Mehitabel6 Thu 04-Jun-15 17:39:03

Since a good half will have told their parents about it I would say that it was much better to be in the playground, where no one can hear anyway, than take you off to find a private space which makes it seem far worse than it probably was. It draws attention to it.

Mamus Thu 04-Jun-15 17:50:58

YANBU, it's poor practise.

CombineBananaFister Thu 04-Jun-15 17:57:18

The teachers at Ds' school do this from nursery to Y1 - quick word after class at pick-up for minor issues, with pretty much every parent at some point being spoken to due to a minor infraction grin.

More serious issues, the teacher doesn't send the child out until last then asks for a quick word in private, so more discreet. Seems acceptable to me.

If it was a big thing then YANBU, if it was minor YABU. the teachers would be there all bloody day otherwise.

CatsCantTwerk Thu 04-Jun-15 18:04:08

I do not see a problem with it.

ceebelle83 Thu 04-Jun-15 18:08:54

YABU and possibly a little over-sensitive. If it was just a quick chat to mention that your DS's behaviour has been a bit high profile then the playground is the place to do it.

If it was specifics about anything confidential then it should be private, but a general word to nip-in-the-bud some naughty behaviour then it hardly needs an appointment.

crje Thu 04-Jun-15 18:14:37

I would have no problem with this if it was a minor issue, pushing ect

I would if it was about soiling or more personal issues.

Sounds like you are embarrassed tbh which is your problem not the teachers , so YABU

Nettymaniaa Thu 04-Jun-15 18:17:07

The teacher should not have done that. End of. If I saw that happen I would not be happy about professional conduct in that school. They are entitled to talk to you about behaviour but not in that way. Dealing with challenging behaviour does not require public humiliation.

tomatodizzymum Thu 04-Jun-15 18:27:46

No YANBU it's not very professional for the simple fact that you were embarassed/upset by it.

If your son is disrupting the class, then he probably isn't being very respectful to that teacher. Just make sure you don't let him overhear you critisising the teachers conduct. Perhaps ask her for future exchanges with you to be out of ear shot of other parents. You are well within your rights to do/request that.

Also try to put your annoyance behind you so you can move on with trying to overcome the problem of your sons behaviour. Often when the parent is annoyed with the teacher, the teacher becomes resentful and the problem behaviour escalates because the child is fully aware of the contention. So
no matter what you personally think of the teacher you have to sort of shelf this and try to work with her so you can tackle the problem for bigger picture (AKA your sons education).

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