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Is it unreasonable to decline an invite with no excuse ?

(93 Posts)
ForCryingOutLloyd Wed 03-Jun-15 13:05:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Theycallmemellowjello Wed 03-Jun-15 13:06:54

Yes it's more polite to give a reason.

CarrotVan Wed 03-Jun-15 13:07:00

'Sorry, I can't make that - hope you have a good night' would be a little less brusque

CaptainAnkles Wed 03-Jun-15 13:07:19

I think manners would make me say I was unable to go, rather than just 'no thanks'. Still not giving an excuse, but it sounds less rude.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 Wed 03-Jun-15 13:09:59

Yes, it seems rude. I know people like to say on here No is a complete sentence, but generally thats a load of bollocks.
No thank you is only a good response to an invite if a) you don't want the inviter to ever invite you again to anything and b) you don't like them or care about their feelings.
Just make something up if you don't want to tell them an actual reason.

BarbarianMum Wed 03-Jun-15 13:10:09

"No, thanks" is rude. Although you don't have to give (or even have) a reason for declining, it's best to soften it a bit. I like CarrotVan's suggestion.

ItsTricky Wed 03-Jun-15 13:10:20

'Sorry, I can't make it' is a universally accepted way to decline.

chaletdays Wed 03-Jun-15 13:11:48

It sounds a bit cold and unfriendly. I would always try to give a reason.

Nolim Wed 03-Jun-15 13:12:57

Rude no. Cold yes.

FenellaFellorick Wed 03-Jun-15 13:13:45

No thank you is really blunt.

It isn't rude to decline an invitation, even if the reason is you just don't feel like it, but it is nice to ensure that you don't leave the person who invited you feeling rejected. So it's nice to put it in a tactful way and yes, a small lie if necessary isn't the worst thing.

Eigg Wed 03-Jun-15 13:14:27

I would tend to say 'oh, I'm so sorry I can't make it. Have a wonderful time and I'll hear all about it next time I see you'.

It's polite, shows interest and avoids lying.

PickledOnionSoup Wed 03-Jun-15 13:16:15

I don't think I would ever have the balls just to say 'no thanks' even though that's a perfectly acceptable response. I would always follow it up with 'we've got other plans that night' It's about saving other people's feelings I reckon.

NoIsNotACompleteSentence Wed 03-Jun-15 13:19:40

I think my user name says it all grin

If it was something casual, and I was texting, I might say something like "can't do Tuesday, how about Thursday?" but just "no thanks" is either rude or indicates they are fucked off with the inviter for some reason, IMO.

NoIsNotACompleteSentence Wed 03-Jun-15 13:21:08

Unless the invite is to go dogging/swinging or something...

then No actually is a complete sentence...

Eva50 Wed 03-Jun-15 13:23:44

"Sorry, that won't work for me".

MrsNextDoor Wed 03-Jun-15 13:26:05

"I can't make it sorry... but hope you have a lovely time" is better.

DomesticBlisster Wed 03-Jun-15 13:26:59

"Thanks for the invitation, sounds like great fun but sadly I can't make it. Hope you have a lovely evening, let's catch up soon. x"

No reason given, yet polite and charming.

Mintyy Wed 03-Jun-15 13:28:03

Yes, no thank you is rude. But it also tells you very clearly that the invitee does not want to be included in any similar invites in future. And also, I would say, that they are not your friend.

Sometimes I am invited to things that I just don't fancy going to, but I would always decline politely, maybe including a little white lie, if I wanted to continue a friendship with the inviter.

catswag Wed 03-Jun-15 13:35:10

i'd feel rude if I didn't give an excuse

PlumpingThePartTimeMother Wed 03-Jun-15 13:38:23

Oh dear, I think I did that once - a group of work colleagues asked me if I wanted to go to a pole-dancing class with them and I was so surprised that I just went 'Erm, no'.

I don't think they went in the end. I hope I didn't influence that decision blush

I think it is rude, yes - the options suggested above are good.

Judydreamsofhorses Wed 03-Jun-15 13:40:13

I'd decline by saying something like "oh, sorry, no, I can't manage that, but it sounds lovely and I hope you have a great time". I tend not to elaborate and say "sorry, I can't because...." in fear that I might be caught out with a lie at a later stage.

Reignbeau Wed 03-Jun-15 13:44:05

If it is for a meal I would find a blunt decline with no reason a bit rude. I did give a blunt no to an Ann Summers party invite when an acquaintance was training to be a rep and wanted guinea pigs to practise on though. I think she must have seen on my face how much I hate those parties as she hasn't asked me again grin.

Eigg Wed 03-Jun-15 13:48:32

It's interesting that it's more socially acceptable to lie to your friends than to be honest that you just don't really fancy going to something.

I do disagree with the idea that I'm a poor friend just because I decline an invite.

Twice recently I've been invited to things which really weren't my idea of fun. Both were also quite expensive. I have the money but quite frankly would rather spent on in something else.

It doesn't make me a bad friend I don't think.

Mintyy Wed 03-Jun-15 13:51:30


If you had replied "No thanks, it's really not my cup of tea but hope you have fun" that would be fine.

If I had invited you to something and you just replied "no" or even "no thanks" then I would think you rude. And Not someone I would want to be friends with.

SkodaLabia Wed 03-Jun-15 13:58:09

I love that Phoebe line from Friends when she is invited to something she doesn't want to do, "Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to." grin

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