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About this comment re dd's pants?

(43 Posts)
Welshmaenad Tue 02-Jun-15 22:10:23

I am fully prepared to be told I'm overthinking!

Dd (9) is disabled but in mainstream school. She is currently doing a 2 week block of daily swimming. She has a part time 1:1 who has been going along to help her with changing. The school asked if she could wear joggers to school for the duration, as she normally wears leggings under a pinafore dress (her preference) as leggings onto damp skin might be awkward for her. I bought her 1 pair to see how she got on so washed and tumbled them Monday night ready for today. She's also been taking a clean pair of underwear to put on after swimming, because I just think it's nicer than putting worn knicks back on.

So this morning she fished her joggers out of the dryer along with the second pair of pants she wore yesterday, and put them on. All fine.

She told me when I picked her up that her 1:1 had told her that she shouldn't wear the same pants two days running. Dd said she told her they'd been washed and dried overnight but that "Miss kept saying it wasn't nice to wear pants two days in a row".

I can only assume from this that the woman thinks I've sent my child to school wearing yesterday's unwashed knickers and I'm a bit hmm. I'm a bit scatty but I'm actually quite offended if she thinks I don't ensure my kids have clean pants on each day! Dd is always smart and appropriately dressed, tidy plaited hair etc (going in, at any rate, home time is a whole new story!).

Her 1:1 is lovely and dd adores her but she's made a few comments that make me feel like shes a bit over involved, and dd was really puzzled by this exchange and kept seeking reassurance that her pants really were clean and it had been ok to wear them.

I feel like I want to say something but not sure what, or how, or if I'm being U to even pay it any mind and should just chalk it up to an odd comment!

Really long story about pants, thanks if you made it to the end.

LaLyra Tue 02-Jun-15 22:14:24

If she's got concerns about you not giving your child clean underwear then she should be speaking to you, not your 9 year old DD who, presumably, doesn't have any say in how often the laundry is done.

What other comments has she made? If she is over involving herself then you need to nip it in the bud, especially if she's making your DD concerned or unsettled unnecessarily.

ScarlettDarling Tue 02-Jun-15 22:14:34

I agree op , I'd be miffed too. Also, I buy my dd packs of knickers which may have 3 identical pairs in them, so she could quite easily wear identical-but completely fresh- pants for a few days in a row.
Bizarre comment. Might be worth mentioning it to her just to get it off your chest.

Welshmaenad Tue 02-Jun-15 22:16:18

Should probably add, for fear of drip feeding, that we had a long road to full continence for dd due to her disability and whilst the school have been discreet and supportive of our use of light inco pads etc it was really stressful and upsetting snd I think it's left me with slight hang ups regarding her hygiene and cleanliness that makes me a bit over sensitive in that regard. Does that even make sense?

BathshebaDarkstone Tue 02-Jun-15 22:16:19

I've had the same comment about DS's joggers when he was in pre-school, they'd been washed and dried on the radiator overnight, as he still wasn't potty-trained and I'd run out.

Just tell them what you've told us.

TheReluctantCountess Tue 02-Jun-15 22:16:29

She could just be concerned, but I agree that you should say something.

MrsPigling Tue 02-Jun-15 22:17:11

it's a child protection thing - she's probably had training at some point that mentioned children not having clean clothes being a possible sign of neglect

a child in those circumstances might well deny it and claim they were clean

do you have a home school communication book or similar? if so I'd be tempted to say that dd was confused by the comment and that her pants really were clean!

I'd also try to remember to make sure she didn't wear the same pair two days in a row, even if they were clean. If you weren't so efficient with the laundry this wouldn't be an issue.....

NinkyNonkers Tue 02-Jun-15 22:17:30

Do you see her 1:1 in person? I would just light heartedly say "dd was telling me you were worried about her pants...don't worry, they were washed and clean overnight" and perhaps mention that dd had been worried.

Welshmaenad Tue 02-Jun-15 22:19:49

I can't even recall a specific example Lyra as they were insignificant things, just dd coming home saying "miss said....(something random about our family life)" and me thinking, oh did she now!

To be fair I think she's just REALLY enthusiastic about her job and she does seem to have genuine affection for dd.

I've bought her a second pair of joggers now so we can rotate them - and pants!

steppemum Tue 02-Jun-15 22:24:19

I think you need to have a word, otherwise it becomes a small niggle against you.

When you drop dd off, I would just smile and say - there seems to be some confusion, dd said you were commenting on her knickers! Obviously she has clean knickers on, I washed and dried her joggers and knickers overnight.

But I would also add - if you have concerns please tell me not her, it has left her confused and upset.

Marcipex Tue 02-Jun-15 22:28:01

I think she's out of order.
I buy packs of five or six identical pants, so would she assume I'd worn the same all week?

BarbarianMum Tue 02-Jun-15 22:28:26

"It's a child protection thing"

Really? And if that's what she thought, then how has telling the OP's dd off helped exactly? OP I wouldn't say something lighthearted at all. I'd write a stiff courteous email to the Head acknowledging the 1:1s concerns any clarifying the situation.

Notcontent Tue 02-Jun-15 22:28:51

I think you should say something to her.
It's quite weird for her to make this comment - her role is to help your dd, but not keep an eye on your parenting!! What is more concerning, as someone else pointed out, is that she made that comment to your dd. My dd (also 9) has some anxiety issues and if someone said something like that yo her she would be really upset and probably develop some OCD thing related to having new pants every hour!!!!

mindthegap79 Tue 02-Jun-15 22:31:17

Exactly what steppemum said. YANBU.

Wibblypiglikesbananas Tue 02-Jun-15 22:35:53

I actually think that's really inappropriate. If she had concerns, she should have raised them with you directly, not commented to your DD.

ninaaa Tue 02-Jun-15 22:38:05

Assuming there was no visible staining on her knickers (which wouldn't even necessarily mean they were unwashed, might just be a permanent stain) and they did not smell, it seems a strange comment to make. Although others may be right about the child protection issue, in which case it makes sense that they would want to ask her and not you.

Also worth bearing in mind that in light of her age she may be going through puberty, and many young teens starting to go through puberty need a little reminder about washing and clean clothes, so it may have just been her reminding your dd that she needs to wear clean clothes every day.

To be honest, I'm surprised she even noticed she was wearing the same knickers, unless they were unusually distinctive!

steppemum Tue 02-Jun-15 22:41:43

if it really is a safeguarding issue then she should have
1. not spoken to dd about it
2. spoken to the safeguarding person who she should know.

so if it really was, and there really was a concern, then she has no idea what her procedure is.

Welshmaenad Tue 02-Jun-15 22:45:17

They're bright and stripy so eye catching I guess! Have ensured butterfly print for tomorrow!

The notion that it was a child protection concern was what bothered me, I think, I have a great relationship with the school and the Head, they are a really caring school and (I'd hope) know U.S. well enough as a family that child protection concerns wouldn't even occur to them. I'm a trainee SW and my mum was a children's SW, which the school knows, and whilst not meaning we're above reproach would hopefully suggest I've enough nous to put clean underwear on my children.

I don't want to go in all guns blazing as I don't want yo damage the good relationship we have with the school and generally with the 1:1 but think I will say something at pickup on Fri (they go to after school club other days).

Soduthen116 Tue 02-Jun-15 22:47:44

Look the trouble is what adults actually say and mean can be misinterpreted by children.

She may have been making a general comment about pants being clean and the importance of washing etc which your dd took personally. I have done 1to 1 and you arnt exclusively with that child. Lots of others around.

It sounds strange and can completely understand your annoyance op but if she's nice and good at her job she should be approachable so go chat to her.

9 year olds can often get the wrong end of the stick.

BlessedAndGr8fulNoInLaws4Xmas Tue 02-Jun-15 22:48:07

Bless you OP I'm sending you a hug.

I would feel the same - it may be worth broaching senior staff in the school with regards to the clearly inappropriate comment - don't broach her directly.

Marmiteandjamislush Tue 02-Jun-15 22:50:57

I would send Days of the week pants grin Does DD have a home/school record book? DN has one, but he is non verbal and at a special school, so don't if they have them in MS? If so, put a note along the lines:

DD came home from swimming yesterday, distressed by comments that she was not wearing clean underwear. I put clean underwear in the swimming bag everyday, please can staff make sure that fresh underwear is worn after swimming.

Soduthen116 Tue 02-Jun-15 22:51:04

safeguarding issue no. Have worked with early years for years and trust me by end of the school day most 'clean in the morning'pants have skid marks on. grin

You can tell if a child is neglected without looking at pants ffs!

Overthinking this.

whothehellknows Tue 02-Jun-15 23:09:58

I came to say what Marmite said-- note it in her book so that it's in writing and dated.

x2boys Wed 03-Jun-15 06:38:43

Ds is also disabled but he goes to s special school I would be really annoyed about that .D's isn't toilet trained yet so he wears pull ups he wears school polo shirt school sweat shirt and jogging bottoms as advised by the school I alternate theses with asda polo shirts and sweat shirts usually D's needs a fresh uniform everyday as he has a habit of rubbing food off his mouth with his sweat shirt and drops food on his clothes sometimes he may appear to wear the same uniform asthe day before but they would have been washed and dried the night before .

tobysmum77 Wed 03-Jun-15 08:05:18

I think the teacher isn't thinking about dd being disabled. I know for a fact that my dd has worn the same pair of pants two days running in the past. Not because there were none clean in the drawer but because she had worn them overnight shock blush .

But I dont supervise her getting dressed - I guess this is where the teacher is coming from?

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