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AIBU to be annoyed by friends "double booking"

(15 Posts)
wanderingcloud Tue 02-Jun-15 17:30:55

Third time since mat leave started (before that worked full time so didn't have time to socialise with the kids much) that friends have arranged "playdates" or suggested a walk up the woods or whatever one week and then the next week cancelled at the last minute (on the day or evening before) saying that they're "double booked" by having family over or bog standard immunizations booked.

I'm starting to wonder if this is normal for fairly casual social arrangements like this or is it me and my slightly unruly boys? I wonder if I'm being unreasonable expecting others to recall that they made plans when making a non-urgent GP appointment or inviting family over? Should I be texting or something to confirm after a conversation?

I'm truly baffled as I would think after someone says "why don't you come over next week?" And I say "yes that would be lovely, around 1?" And they reply "yes, sounds great it'll be lovely for little Johnny to play with the boys again" they would then expect to see you? Or is there a casual fluidity to these kind of child based friendships that I'm unaware of?

Steeling myself for mumsnet to tell me that no-one likes me grin if you can, be gentle, I just had a baby I'm not hugely experienced in all this having been back at work full time when DS2 turned 9 months.

SquinkiesRule Tue 02-Jun-15 17:46:35

Your friend is rude. If she had something on the calendar she should have said, not wait till last minute.
My huge kitchen calendar is my lifeline. Everything goes on it and if I bring home another date to add it goes on immediately. So no or exceedingly few double bookings

Ragwort Tue 02-Jun-15 17:47:28

Why don't you take the initiative and invite people directly to your house - then at least you will know if they want to come or not grin.

But, looking back as I have teenagers now, those sorts of 'playdate' arrangements were usually fairly casual - other things do crop up and often it's just a matter of saying 'we'll be in the park at 3pm if anyone wants to join us'. I remember once being bitterly disappointed when I'd agreed to meet a friend & her son, only to find she sent her DH to meet us (with the son) - the children played happily but I was left making small talk with her DH - perfectly pleasant but clearly he didn't want to talk to me and it was all a bit of an effort and I had been looking forward to seeing my friend.

RainbowFlutterby Tue 02-Jun-15 17:56:14

How unruly are your boys? Do the children invited get upset by their behaviour?

wanderingcloud Tue 02-Jun-15 18:05:34

It's not just the one friend but three different friends each from very different circles. First time I put it down to the individual but two other friends have done the exact same thing! I'm wondering if I'm the odd one when I ask the GP for a different appointment time because I think I have plans only to find out they've made other plans!

The one time I expected people here, I baked cakes and no-one turned. I was too embarrassed to say anything. blush

wanderingcloud Tue 02-Jun-15 18:09:16

They're three, two and a few weeks. I don't think they are excessively rough, they seem to play nicely with others. Both are used to socialising with peers at nursery. Why make plans in the first place if they don't like us? confused

juneau Tue 02-Jun-15 18:11:15

Well GP appointments can be like gold dust, depending on where you live (particularly if you want one that doesn't clash with nap time or nursery days or whatever). But no, this is a bit rude. How rambunctious are your DC? I have a friend who's DC are a bit of a nightmare and some days I'm simply not up for the non-stop screaming and refereeing that's needed.

MuddlingMackem Tue 02-Jun-15 18:14:54

YADNBU. If they're not going to stick with a plan they should make it clear it's only happening if they don't get a better offer. hmm

Out of curiosity, do your friends have sons or daughters? I know that one friend dropped the rest of us - we have good reason to believe partly due to having two girls and not being able to handle how much noisier the boys were. FWIW, I have one of each, and annoyingly my girl can be worse than my boy. Bah!

wanderingcloud Tue 02-Jun-15 18:19:34

A mixture of boys and girls. I'm starting to think the better offer is true. Do I let it go or go in for some pa texting... wink grin

m0therofdragons Tue 02-Jun-15 18:22:24

I had 2 days notice for immunisations.
overall people are forgetful. A df said she'd collect dd from school and wait in the car park as I was going to be 10 minutes late. All arranged the week before or so I thought but she forgot. Didn't occur to me I'd need to remind her. Poor dd was left waiting with the poor teacher who probably just wanted to go home. Df was mortified whenshe realised. What I'm saying is don't take it personally xx

MuddlingMackem Tue 02-Jun-15 18:25:48

You could just skip the next arrangement. If they don't get shirty then they weren't going to turn up anyway. And if they do get shirty you can sling it right back at them. grin

MuddlingMackem Tue 02-Jun-15 18:27:54

m0therofdragons if people are forgetful they should have a diary or calendar to keep track of things. Just forgetting really doesn't cut it, it's rude and selfish. Yes, anyone can have the very odd off-day, but more than that just isn't on. And something as important as collecting a child really isn't something that should be forgotten.

wanderingcloud Tue 02-Jun-15 18:33:27

A grand plan Muddling grin

JADS Tue 02-Jun-15 18:33:55

I can't abide flakiness so I see where you are coming from but with regards to the imms, we could only get them down one specific afternoon per week between 1 and 3 at our docs. Then there was an outbreak of measles in the area - I wonder if the 2 were linked! So I would let the imms one go, but would be annoyed on the back of the flakiness of the other 2.

Clairejessica123 Tue 02-Jun-15 18:38:47

I think it's rude. Everyone can be forgetful sometimes but even if you are doubled booked you could still arrange to do something slightly earlier or later. Maybe try a local mum and baby group at least you know someone will always turn up :D

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