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To think my sis is talking the piss?

(23 Posts)
Dancelikenobodyswatching Tue 02-Jun-15 16:49:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Andro Tue 02-Jun-15 16:55:33

Yanbu at all!

Your sis seems as though she's an entitled madam and is teaching her son the same sense of entitlement.

GloGirl Tue 02-Jun-15 16:56:05

If you want someone to find you a solution where everyone is happy it's not going to happen.

Don't let yourself be a doormat. You don't want your daughter to grow up treating you like that too, or letting other people treat her that way.

FriendofBill Tue 02-Jun-15 16:56:55

You are going to have to find a NO from somewhere or be prepared to put up with this for the rest of their childhoods.

diddl Tue 02-Jun-15 16:58:16

Yeah, but people can only take the piss if you let them!

I mean how does she barge in & palm him off?

ApeMan Tue 02-Jun-15 17:01:05

If she wants the free child care, which she very clearly does, she can apologise properly and she can treat you with respect.

Also, judging by the bad mouthing and the response of the rest of the family, she sounds like one of "those" siblings, so yeah. let the unappreciative madam gets realise she can be as nice as pie or sod off and pay for child care like everybody else has to.

Especially since it doesn't sound like much skin off your nose if she didn't "help" with your kids.

BabyMurloc Tue 02-Jun-15 17:01:42

We had similar thing happen to us. SIL started laying guilt trips on us expecting us to do certain things, all kinds of bullshit. We told her to do one pretty quick and find someone else to do it. We now only do odd occasions. She got over it. Life improved for us.

PenguinBollards Tue 02-Jun-15 17:01:49

Put a stop to it. If she has a key, take it off her or change your locks. If she arrives at your door tell her no, it's not convenient.

She can only get away with as much as she is allowed to get away with it. The price you may pay for setting boundaries is being bad-mouthed by her ~ but surely that's the lesser of two evils?

ApeMan Tue 02-Jun-15 17:02:09

You might also point out that you get to hear about the bad mouthing from everyone, and she can bugger off if she thinks you are having that.

QuiteLikely5 Tue 02-Jun-15 17:05:07

Just say no. If she asks tell her you are off out or have plans etc

It sounds like she doesn't respect you very much.

I don't think your attitude towards her son is very nice either and tbh if someone thought that about my child I wouldn't leave them with them even for a mi ute.

Dancelikenobodyswatching Tue 02-Jun-15 17:07:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PenguinBollards Tue 02-Jun-15 17:12:01

"she will bang on the door until I open it then push passed me and walk out after putting down his things"

Don't answer the door to her, or get a chain so she can't barge in.

Pick his things up, give them back to her, or chuck them out the door and push her back out.

Why would you let anyone treat you, your family, and your home with such an utter lack of respect?

Dancelikenobodyswatching Tue 02-Jun-15 17:15:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dancelikenobodyswatching Tue 02-Jun-15 17:22:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PenguinBollards Tue 02-Jun-15 17:26:11

So, you've got two options:

1) stand up to her, tell her this behaviour ends now, and stick to it
2) do nothing and continue to accept it.

She sounds vile. Does she treat the rest of the family like this? Have other family members seen her treat you like this? What do they say about it?

Bellebella Tue 02-Jun-15 17:28:38

That's awful, don't get me wrong I would happily always watch my niece. Am at home with my son anyway so one more does not make a difference to me but my sister wouldn't take the piss and demand I do it, and she would certainly say thank you.

I really think you should talk to her and have it out with her.

Icimoi Tue 02-Jun-15 17:28:47

Definitely, get a chain on the door and one of those spyholes so that you can see it's her outside.

But sit her down and tell her that this can't go on. You don't have to give any reason other than that you feel she is imposing on you and you have other things to do with your life than provide free childminding for her. If you want, tell her that you don't want to be unhelpful but you can't babysit more than once a week at most, you need at least a day's notice and she has to be aware that you will still not always be available, she has to collect her ds when she says she will, and she needs to reciprocate and babysit for you. If she's not happy with any of that then she will have to make other babysitting arrangements.

If other family members make a fuss, tell them exactly why you have done this and then leave it.

Whatisaweekend Tue 02-Jun-15 17:42:04

I would sit down with my diary and tot up over the last couple of months, say, how often and for how long you have babysat v. how much she has reciprocated. This will give you ammunition a) to fire you up for a confrontation, b) solid evidence to give to her (doubt it will make her wake up but anyway) and c) show other family members who hear you being dissed that you are being totally taken for granted and that she is a prize cow.

She sounds utterly vile - are your parents still around? Could they take her to task?

Dancelikenobodyswatching Tue 02-Jun-15 18:01:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl Tue 02-Jun-15 18:06:01

Are they scared of her then?

If they think that you are so awful for not doing free childcare for her, well, tell them that they can do it!

MrsGentlyBenevolent Tue 02-Jun-15 18:12:33

Refuse to open the door until she has posted your payment for babysitting services (including what she owes you up to now). Otherwise, learn 'no' is a complete sentence and anyone who thinks you're 'mean' can pick up the (her) slack. Next time she tries to dump her child on you, tell her she can pick him up for your local SS offices.

Mumoftwoyoungkids Tue 02-Jun-15 18:30:30

They let her gets away with it for the same reason you do - they don't want the aggro from falling out with her. And they figure that you are obviously ok with hem so why shouldn't they be.

Personally I would be on the phone to all the family members that she normally bad mouths you to. Tell them that she has really upset you and you are very hurt. That you have babysat for her 13 times for her in the last month and her not at all for you and that she never says thank you, is always longer than she says and that you can't believe after all that that she was so rude and hurtful. If they take her side then let them get on with it. You won't be babysitting again without an apology and if they don't approve then they can always babysit themselves.

And get a chain for your door!

Andro Tue 02-Jun-15 18:31:16

They've seen the way she treats me and they act as if it doesn't happen. She has always been the centre of attention within the family/extended family

That sounds like a golden child/scapegoat type dynamic. I'd recommend a visit to the stately homes thread in relationships, you might find some helpful advice.

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