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To be counting down the weeks to Ds starting school?

(11 Posts)
CatherineU Tue 02-Jun-15 14:49:05

Just want to say upfront that I've name changed as I know a few people who use this site. Anyway, I feel like the worst mother in the world, today ds's welcome pack came from school and it's finally sunk in that come September he will be starting and I'll finally have all three of my children at school full time.

My eldest two are 13 and 10 and with them i had always worked but since my youngest was born I've been a sham. He was officially diagnosed with ASD at age three but from the age of 18 months his behaviour has been terrible and to be quite frank me, my dh and our two eldest children have been through hell and back.

He's the most loveable cheeky little boy and I absolutely dote on him really I do but I'm utterly exhausted. His hours at nursery were reduced from 3 a day to only and hour and a half as the school think this is "best" for "him" as he cant cope to long there so I get an hour a day to get things done but my eldest two are also at two different schools as well so I'm cosntantly back and forth.

When ds comes out of nursery at 2.45 I take him with me to pick my ds up from junior school, this in itself is difficult as he's absolutely shattered from nursery (and from getting up every day at 5am) so he has tantrum after tantrum on the way to school. It's only 2 miles away but I have to drive and by the time I get there he's fast asleep in the back of the car and I then have to wake him and walk him slowly to dd's classroom by which he's woken properly and then starts to kick off biting, punching etc because he's frustrated and tired.

So AIBU to look forward to him starting school so that I get some time to myself during the day and get to drive to school for one pick up Instead of two and not have to listen to screaming and put up with tantrums for the 20 mins it takes me to get there? I feel terrible for feeling this way but I've had to cope with a lot these last few years, our world has been completely turned upside down and I'm exhausted.

SaulGood Tue 02-Jun-15 14:57:24

Of course yanbu. You sound utterly on your knees.

Are you happy with the school? Is it mainstream and do they have everything set up ready for receiving him? How does he feel about it?

My niece is severely autistic and I know the routine of school (and honestly, the respite for db and sil), made the world of difference. There were some hiccups in the first term and some tough times while things weren't quite as they should be but working with the school ironed out all of that.

fatowl Tue 02-Jun-15 14:58:18

YANBU to looking forward to having more time to breathe. You will be a much better mother for it (not saying you are not a good mother now of course)

Me and dd2 always got on better when she was at school for most of the day.

She was a difficult toddler and pre-schooler, I had a new baby and she was better with the structure of school. Doesn't mean I didn't love her

She is 17 now and we still get on better if she has been at school!

I hope he has a great time at school and they can cater for his needs

PerspicaciaTick Tue 02-Jun-15 15:01:49

Of course YANBU.

CatherineU Tue 02-Jun-15 15:03:30

Yeah, I'm extremely happy with the school. He could have gone to the school attached to his nursery but it's gone down hill, so much so after many issues with bullying I removed my dd two years ago just as my eldest was leaving to start high school. I knew I had to move her to a decent supportive school as I our youngest would inevitably be joining her this year and I think I made the best choice.

It is a faith school but it's a small supportive faith school with only one small class per year and despite it being a catholic school it takes a lot of non Catholics and the religion part isn't shoved down your neck lol. So his nursery one to one has sent over all the information about ds to his school and the senco there is going to make an appointment to come visit and meet him so that's really good.

sadwidow28 Tue 02-Jun-15 15:06:16

YANBU - my Mum had 9 children over 17 years (all NT) and she did the count-down to 'another one in school' and 'all going back to school' every summer holiday grin

CatherineU Tue 02-Jun-15 15:09:06

Wow! 9 children lol, I'm not surprised she did, she sounds like super mumsmile

ItsTricky Tue 02-Jun-15 15:15:49

YANBU. Sounds like a great school! Of course he will be behaving like an angel in the last few weeks before he starts and you'll be blubbing when you drop him off - sod's law!

bigbluebus Tue 02-Jun-15 15:25:53

I remember having the same feeling catherine when my DS was about to start school. Unfortunately, one week after starting, he got chicken pox and was off for a week sad.
My DS also has ASD - athough he wasn't actually diagnosed at the time but issues had been flagged by us, and nursery. He was physically hard work even though he was very bright academically.
You say your DS has 1:1 at nursery. Is this funded through an EHC plan so that it will ne carried over to school? Are you sure that the correct support will be in place at school by Sept. If not, then there is every chance that your freedom will be short lived, I'm afraid as they will be ringing you every 5 minutes saying they can't cope with him and asking you to collect him. You say that nursery say he can only cope for 1 1/2 hours instead of 3 and that is with 1:1 support. How do you think he will cope for 6 hours a day?

I had personal experience of the constant phone calls to collect with my DS (and if you read the SN pages you will find that many others have gone through the same thing). In our case the phone calls stopped as soon as DS was diagnosed, statemented (predecessor to EHC Plans) and given 1:1 support. On a positive note, my DS is currently sitting A levels and hopes to go to Uni - which proves that getting the right support in place makes the world of difference.

CatherineU Tue 02-Jun-15 15:48:12

Hi, well to be fair the nursery he goes to IMO is hopeless! My eldest two went there and it was great for them but they were the typical bright, bubbly well behaved child. It's a good nursery on the face of things and ds's one to one and nursery teachers are amazing but the nursery manager is an absolute waste of space and she has not been supportive in the slightest.

Ds started there in January of last year as he turned 3 in the December. He'd been there only a month when they "suggested" that ds's hours be cut as he was apparently finding it difficult. Now I'll agree at the time his behaviour was shocking but dropping his hours wasn't the right thing to do bh rudely I and no choice. Now as soon as ds started the new regime oh he was a reformed character according to the nursery manager! In others words they were playing down his issues to more or less prove their point.

I felt so confused for months, still do to be honest as one minute they were telling me how he was a nightmare then the next oh he's an absolute Angel, but when it came to applying for primary school and the nursery manager just assumed he'd be going to the school attached to their nursery (despite me taking my dd out and putting her in a different school) she tried to make me sign these forms which turned out only tone the forms to apply for his funding for his one to one, but it stipulated that ds would only r allowed to do part time reception or 8.50-12.00 instead of the usual 9-3.30. So you can imagine how lending and utterly baffled I was. This was only two months ago but they've been saying for months now his behaviour has improved lots (it hasn't I'll assure you). So for him to be going (full time) to a supportive positive school instead of there I'm relieved as his nursery school simply wanted to do what was best for them not my son.

CatherineU Tue 02-Jun-15 15:50:12

So sorry for the typos, I type way too fast lol.

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