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to hate it when weekend dad's refer to themselves as 50/50 parents

(7 Posts)
tobytomcat88 Mon 01-Jun-15 18:55:16

My friend and her ex are having trouble regarding decision making ....

he sees his daughter every other weekend

when they don't agree on something he says I have 50% custody I do 50% of the parenting I should have 50% of the say

how can you justify that only having his dd 4 days a month!!

I hear it a lot and it grinds my gears I'm all for fathers rights but imo 50% is 15 days a month.

does anyone agree ?

tobytomcat88 Mon 01-Jun-15 18:58:44

The argument they are having is regarding which school their dd should attend.

ex will very rarely if ever pick her up but wants her to be at a school in the middle of where bog parents live

Goldmandra Mon 01-Jun-15 19:00:04

You're a parent 100% of this time so there's no such thing as a weekend Dad.

However, I do agree that, if you don't care for the child every day, there are some aspects of their lives you don't really have a right to control. The person doing the caring makes the small day to day decisions. You each parent how you see fit, within reason, while the child is with you.

The bigger decisions like choosing schools, medical treatment, etc really should be joint decisions wherever possible.

OrangeVase Mon 01-Jun-15 19:00:21

Surely custody and contact are not the same thing. As I understand if a couple split they can have shared custody but not need to spend exactly the same number of days in the child's compnay.

How would that work in a realtionship with a SAHD and a WOHM - would she get less "say"

I think it is best for the kids if both parents agree on what is best for the child. It isn't a game of control for the parents' benefit.

tobytomcat88 Mon 01-Jun-15 19:03:54

Maybe the relationships that you have known in these cases have been nicer than the ones I have known.

I'm glad

Goldmandra Mon 01-Jun-15 19:11:26

Ideally the father should be putting his child's needs first and want her to go to school in the place that makes her life easiest. If he was thinking like that, it would be reasonable to expect that his opinion would be taken into account.

However, if he's expecting his child to travel further twice a day in order to make life easier for him once a fortnight, it seems reasonable to disregard those wishes in favour of common sense.

ollieplimsoles Mon 01-Jun-15 19:35:21

Sorry but I have to say that their are parents out there that take the piss with this equal parenting thing when they hardly see the child.

My dad would pull out the '50% my decision' crap to make it hard for ny mum and step dad to make decisions regarding myself and my sister's upbringing. He was just scared another man was encroaching on a territory he thought was his. Even though he never bothered with us, ran off to a different country, with another woman...

If you want to have a 50/50 say in the parenting, make sure you DO 50% of the parenting...

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