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to resign from helping DH?

(41 Posts)
righteouslyfuming Mon 01-Jun-15 13:15:21

DH does private tuition, he's very good and extremely busy. He has information processing issues, and because of this I have always managed his timetable and helped him remember where he needs to be. This is more work than I imagined when it started, but I didn't mind as we both benefit from the income.
He has just started teaching a little girl with cerebral palsy, very intelligent but very limited mobility. One of his time slots for her is 7am Monday morning. Last week we both forgot about it completely, and felt awful (the first week). Today I set my alarm for 6.00 and woke DH up. He said he was too tired to go. The only reason he was tired was because he had been up on the computer half the night. I was so mad, thinking that this girl and her mother would have had to get up early to make sure she was ready on time, not easy considering disabilities, and he was just being lazy.
I said if he didn't go I would stop managing his classes. He didn't go, I texted all his students this morning to tell them to communicate with him directly in future.
DH is a bit gobsmacked.

WiIdfire Mon 01-Jun-15 13:20:16

If he doesn't bother turning up for sessions then very soon there won't be any sessions to manage. Very unprofessional. I wouldn't want to be involved in a business like that either.

righteouslyfuming Mon 01-Jun-15 13:21:56

That was my point precisely. Annoyingly, he gets away with it as no-one else in our area can do what he does.

PurpleDaisies Mon 01-Jun-15 13:22:18

I'm a private tutor and he sounds totally unprofessional. I'm guessing from your reaction this isn't the first time something like this has happened. Turning up properly prepared for sessions unless you're ill is part of the job. This job only works if you have a good reputation and if people start thinking he's unreliable very soon he will have no work. I can understand your frustration with him. Do you work as well? I hope your bills don't depend solely on his income.

ScorpioMermaid Mon 01-Jun-15 13:23:05


I feel for the girls mum, as well as her and everyone else he let down today. I wouldn't help him out either if he can't even be arsed to get out of bed on time!

righteouslyfuming Mon 01-Jun-15 13:24:14

He very rarely misses a session but is often late with no good reason. As I said, he gets away with it, but that doesn't make it OK in my book.

TTWK Mon 01-Jun-15 13:25:24

DH does private tuition, he's very good

He said he was too tired to go.

These two statements are mutually exclusive.

I hope little girl's mum spreads the word that 2 lessons have been missed, and finds someone more reliable.

Fluffycloudland77 Mon 01-Jun-15 13:25:34

YANBU, he is massively ur. That girl has enough challenges ahead of her without him letting her down.

Cut the plug off the computer.

diddl Mon 01-Jun-15 13:25:35

Too tired to go???

Poor girl.

Did he not consider her at all?

cuntycowfacemonkey Mon 01-Jun-15 13:27:34

YANBU I would be bloody fuming if I was that child's parent. Once is forgivable but twice isn't especially with such a poor excuse.

I would leave him sink or swim.

PurpleDaisies Mon 01-Jun-15 13:28:02

And also, if he doesn't go he won't earn any money. I'd love to be able to just throw away extra income because I didn't fancy getting up early. Really poor show from your dh.

diddl Mon 01-Jun-15 13:28:12


Hope the little girl finds someone else.

I suppose he lied as to why he wouldn't be going when he contacted to tell her as well?

BathtimeFunkster Mon 01-Jun-15 13:33:16

What an appalling way to treat that little girl and her mother.

Regardless of how tired he was, he had a commitment to show up to the lesson.

Just not bothering, especially after failing to show last week, and giving no notice, is way beyond "unprofessional".

It's unkind.

This speaks to who he is as a person, not just how good he is as a tutor.

What a prick to waste their time like that because he is lazy.

GlitzAndGigglesx Mon 01-Jun-15 13:36:05

I wouldn't pay him another penny the poor girl

righteouslyfuming Mon 01-Jun-15 13:39:10

I just can't understand why he isn't mortified. And no, he didn't lie, he didn't even think that was necessary!

diddl Mon 01-Jun-15 13:40:00

"This speaks to who he is as a person,"

I agree.

When I read it I thought "what an unfeeling bastard git".

righteouslyfuming Mon 01-Jun-15 13:42:23

Yes, I was shaking with rage this morning, and he couldn't understand why.
I should probably mention that he does this class for free, an exception as they are in difficult circumstances, so he does have a heart, but that in no way is an excuse not to turn up.

Penfold007 Mon 01-Jun-15 13:46:30

Your his wife not his mother. Stay strong.

AuntyMag10 Mon 01-Jun-15 15:19:46

Yanbu, I feel sorry for his students. If these kids can get there on time so should he. Very unprofessional of him.

Bair Mon 01-Jun-15 15:51:44

I should probably mention that he does this class for free, an exception as they are in difficult circumstances

That makes it even worse, the woman and her daughter no doubt would have been thrilled to have an opportunity that would have otherwise been unavailable to them due to finances, plus if you have no budget it's not like you can shop around.

YANBU. Stick to your guns.

AlternativeTentacles Mon 01-Jun-15 15:53:41

Wow. I'd be shaking with rage too!

championnibbler Mon 01-Jun-15 15:57:23

no point in him doing classes for free if he isn't reliable.
sounds like he badly needed that kick up the arse that you gave him.

firesidechat Mon 01-Jun-15 16:31:50

So did he not bother with this particular girl because her lesson is too early in the day or because it was free? One of those an be changed possibly? The other not so much.

I used to work in a paid capacity with volunteers who were unpaid. They were very flaky, couldn't see that they were also relied on and frequently didn't turn up. It was dreadful and did no good for the reputation of the business.

firesidechat Mon 01-Jun-15 16:32:22

Sorry, forgot to say that I would be fuming too, op.

geekymommy Mon 01-Jun-15 16:57:28

He's a grown up. If he can't or won't consistently make it to something scheduled at 7am on a Monday, it's his job to make sure he doesn't schedule things then if he can help it. Neither my DH nor I are morning people, and that's how we generally handle it.

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