Advanced search

To think there are a lot of misconceptions about terminating a pregnancy

(1000 Posts)
fiveacres Fri 29-May-15 18:17:36

Obviously, about abortion, which is a contentious issue for some.

I am approaching the third due date of the pregnancy I terminated in the autumn of 2011 at 9 weeks.

I was a very pious sort once, who believed that abortions were morally wrong. i admit that freely. I still do feel that the best option is not to be in that position in the first place.

However, although I do sometimes think about it, I don't regret it. I've been pregnant twice since so it hasn't affected my fertility.

I paid privately. I did not have any counselling - I was undecided when I went for the initial appointment but I have to say it was very much 'assumed' that I wanted to terminate. The record of the abortion is not in my medical file.

You don't have to give a reason, although they did press me to have the implant, which I refused. They did do a scan, which was a bit upsetting.

It did not hurt. I was warned I would bleed a lot but I didn't. My periods came back in 6 weeks.

You are in a room with a LOT of other women after the procedure, which is upsetting.

Other than that, I felt good after having it done, relieved, happy, mainly relieved.

I do have the odd flash of guilt. I wouldn't do it again.

But, I was reading another thread and it crossed my mind a lot of people do not really seem to know what having a termination is like. My experience may be typical or it may not be, I don't know, but it would be interesting to see what the experiences of others are to try to dispel or to address some of the myths that surround this difficult but sometimes necessary issue.

Cadenza1818 Fri 29-May-15 22:04:42

It broke my parents marriage and they've both suffered depression since. I'd say it influenced my opinion!

LuisSuarezTeeth Fri 29-May-15 22:16:49

Don't do this in AIBU fiveacres x

Writerwannabe83 Fri 29-May-15 22:21:37

I had a termination when I accidentally fell pregnant when I was 16. I didn't really get asked what I wanted, my mom just told me that having a baby wouldn't be good for me. The day I had it I was petrified and cried the whole way there. When I woke up afterwards and was sat in a room with a lot of other women and we all knew what we'd done I actually felt quite shameful. When I got home though I was hit by a surge of relief that it was all over, it was as though a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

However as months passed I found it harder to deal with, I felt a whole range of emotions and pretty much went off the rails for a while. If took about 7-8 years until I reached a point where I could think about the abortion and not hate myself for it.

Even now though, 16 years down the line, every anniversary of the day that I had the termination makes me feel sad and when my EDD cones round each year I also find myself constantly thinking about the termination and how hard it had been for me.

I had to talk about it to my DH last year and as I was reliving it awful memories came flooding back and I couldn't stop crying because of how upset it still makes me.

I'm thinking that if 16 years down the line I still feel upset by it then I guess these feelings are with me for life.

FarFromAnyRoad Fri 29-May-15 22:22:22

This is one subject about which your personal experience has absolutely no bearing whatever on the personal experience of someone else.
I'm really not sure why this is in AIBU - wouldn't have thought this the best choice for the matter.

LokiBear Fri 29-May-15 22:22:42

I've never had an abortion. However, I am pro - choice. I think it is brave of you to share your experience. It is important that women get to hear about other women's experiences.

CookieWarbler Fri 29-May-15 22:24:46

I had one 19 years ago at about 8 weeks. I was at uni and it was the result of just one careless moment (one careless moment too many). There was never any doubt in my mind what I would do and I have never regretted it. I felt a bit emotional when I came to from the op but my overwhelming feeling was relief it was over.
However it wasn't something I have ever spoken to many people about and I didn't tell my Mum. That's probably the thing I felt worst about but a little too late now!
I would have found it more upsetting if I'd have had a scan but I was knocked out and woke up to it being all over. I bled a little but was back to normal pretty quickly.
It was absolutely the best course of action for me at the time especially as I was in a relationship with what I now know to be an emotionally abusive partner. It felt to me that I had a lucky escape.

roidrage Fri 29-May-15 22:24:52

Well I've never felt guilty, I didn't find being with others in the room upsetting or any of that. It was fine.

lastuseraccount123 Fri 29-May-15 22:25:46

Im with you fiveacres. Physically, kind of a non-issue. emotionally more complicated but ultimately i have no regrets. I don't even think about the due date. wow.

It amuses me when anti-abortion types talk about the terrible alleged side effects of abortion. having had given birth, had a miscarriage and aborted, the abortion had the least physical and emotional side effects than either of the other two. But, I chose it and was not forced, I had counselling etc. I think it would be different if i wasn't given a choice.

LucyBabs Fri 29-May-15 22:27:02

Completely agree with farfrom
There is a pregnancy choices board in body and soul, you can talk at length there with women who have actually had an abortion. Not someone's mother, sister or half cousin..

lastuseraccount123 Fri 29-May-15 22:27:14

i actually liked being with the other women after. we didn't talk, but we were all ages and ethnicities.

hiddenhome Fri 29-May-15 22:27:38

When I was a student nurse, I had to assist with the terminations in theatre and day surgery. All the 13 and 14 years olds, sitting in a row.

WoonerismSpit Fri 29-May-15 22:28:16

I've never felt guilty either. I don't even think about it either. It was not an upsetting experience for me. I thank God we live in a country where women have access to safe and legal abortions.

Boomerwang Fri 29-May-15 22:28:43

AIBU is the wrong place, I'm afraid.

MrsJackAubrey Fri 29-May-15 22:29:43

It drives me mad that every single bloody time abortion is a story line in a soap, or a drama, or whatever, it is presented as a 'terrible thing' that will 'traumatise' the woman.

Bollocks. I had an abortion as a student. It was an okay experience; not fun, not enjoyable - apart from the huge relief of no longer being pregnant (and feeling as sick as a dog). It has rarely crossed my mind since then. I have two lovely children and when they were born I did think about it.

But it is not a traumatic experience for everyone. My kids know - and I was delighted to hear their response which was to roundly tell me off for not using contraception I know this is a contentious subject but in my view there is not enough heard from women who refused to have their entire life dictated to them courtesy of their reproductive organs.

Boomerwang Fri 29-May-15 22:31:31

oh, I'm pro choice by the way. Children deserve the absolute best, and if you don't think you can give that - after some counselling about the truth of bringing up a child - then an early abortion is probably best. I just think it should be done before 16 weeks.

roidrage Fri 29-May-15 22:32:14

Why is AIBU the wrong place? Op's point is that it's a matter of fact thing for a lot (most?) of women and not this great big painful drama.

lastuseraccount123 Fri 29-May-15 22:32:16

well said Mrs JackAubrey.

I agree.

fiveacres Fri 29-May-15 22:33:59

Thanks roid, that essentially was indeed my point.

It is here because it is a sensitive issue if not a traumatic one and AIBU is not, as a rule, famed for its gentleness or sensitivity!

lastuseraccount123 Fri 29-May-15 22:36:26

I agree with this thread being in AIBU for the same reasons as roid. I like the idea of normalizing abortion instead of letting the secrecy around it create this idea of it as a really BIG DRAMATIC TERRIBLE THING.

chickenfuckingpox Fri 29-May-15 22:37:08

i think the part that upset me about the other thread is that it was a wanted pregnancy that might be terminated because of gender that is the part that makes me flinch i always thought i was totally pro choice now im doubting myself am i really pro choice or not? am i as liberal as i think i am? i will never tell a woman what to do with there own body but crikey if that was my friend i would be distancing myself for awhile i just don't think i could look her or her husband in the face

roidrage Fri 29-May-15 22:40:59

I'm 100% pro choice

That gender one is upsetting

And yet I am still 100% pro choice

Because 99.9%* of abortions in the UK are carried out very early for the 'right' reasons and once you start moralising about it where do you stop

And if someone doesn't want a baby (for whatever reason) isn't termination preferable to forcing a woman to go through the pregnancy? And sad for the unwanted baby?

*well, about that - you get my point

MrsGentlyBenevolent Fri 29-May-15 22:41:43

Why should the topic be hidden away on the other board, like it's some dirty secret. It's a worthy discussion, not just for those who have experienced it.

I had a termination years ago. Emotional, it was difficult but most certainly the right choice at the time (and in hindsight, the last few years have been so difficult, I'm so glad the child wasn't around to suffer). The only time it really brought me down was when my next pregnancy ended in miscarriage - a lot of self-blame even though it was absolutely no one's fault, just 'one of those things'.

However horrible it is, it really did make me appreciate the resources this country has, and how lucky we as women are to access such medical facilities.

changingnameforthispost Fri 29-May-15 22:47:23

I terminated a pregnancy too, it would have been my 5th child, and I knew I did not have the emotional resiliance to parent another child, coupled with the knowledge that my 4th pregnancy had ended traumatically but fortunately successful ( placental abruption)
I struggle now to work out how long ago it happened.
I remember being so grateful that I lived in a country where I had dominion over my body. My husband fully supported me too, and I can honestly say I have never had any regrets or guilt about my decision.

Tonberry Fri 29-May-15 22:50:52

I'm 100% pro-choice and believe women should be free to choose whether or not to continue a pregnancy, whatever their reasons, because as rood says - once you start moralising, where do you stop?

Pregnancy is not a punishment and there should be no applying of degrees of 'worthiness' to terminations.

This thread is not accepting new messages.