to ask those of you who consider yourself to have a good and happy life(235 Posts)
What's the secret?
I feel like I got a shit hand when they were giving out good lives! I'm sure things aren't meant to be THIS hard
Everybody's perception is different, you may think you have a 'bad life' but I bet there are some people out there who would trade with you in a heart beat.
What is it about your life you think is so bad? Sometimes looking at things another way can make you feel better (re- framing or flexible thinking)
If its just things like your job, diet, stress with kids getting you down- try a Paul McKenna, was a big help to me when I was in uni.
I don't know. I always seem to be lucky, things go my way. But sometimes it's because I have a good attitude I think and other times its just pure luck. People respond well to a happy person usually and so things fall into place. But then again I've been blessed to be born into a good solid family who were supportive and proud of me which helped. I've never had to face any tragedy or difficulty yet. If/when I do I have people who will do everything in their power to help me. I think that makes a huge difference in my confidence and security. My parents gave me a good education, both academic (so I got to earn good money and travel and work abroad as a consequence) and emotional (so I knew a good partner when I met him). It's so many things but I think you are a slave to your start in life. And some people just have a tougher route than others. Looking back there have been a few tough things in my life but I had the confidence to deal with them and not dwell. That was the gift I got from my parents.
I think a lot of it is to do with state of mind. Write a list of all the things you're grateful for - even just a bed to sleep in/ phone to mumsnet on! Accept that some bad things you just can't change and work on changing the things that you can!
Positive mental attitude
I have a roof over my head, food on the table and a loving family.
Everything else is superficial.
Life is full of ups and downs (still suffering complications from my last pregnancy 6 months afterwards) but the good things are there to be celebrated.
I've had some bad times, in fact id say it's just the last 12 months things have started to perk up again. I try and remind myself that I've had tough times before, and I will have tough times again - that this is just a period of time I have to ride out. I also look at the news and think, dear god people have it SO much worse and that I am incredibly lucky really.
I hope things feel better for you soon
I feel like I have a good and happy life on the whole.
But we have 5DC,2 of our children are registered disabled,after having our 5TH DC I became seriously ill and am disabled myself now have to take nearly 12,000 tablets a year to stay alive.
We lost my Mum just over a year ago,who I was always extremely close to,my Dad's just got out of hospital having survived septicemia and we've recently found out that one of my cousins is dying of bowel cancer and my Auntie who is the lady I love the most after my Mum is dying.
We desperately need to move,house to small and no proper bedroom for DH and myself.
Were no contact with my oldest brother,his partner and his 6 adult children after they stole hundreds of pounds worth of stuff from us a few years ago.
I was repeatedly raped as a child(not a family member)apart from my DH and my best friend no one else has any idea,I became anorexic for 9 years as a child.
My first husband(now very much ex)raped me so many times,was controlling and violent.
But I have 5DC that I love so much and an amazing husband,we'd only been together a couple of years before my health nose dived and he's 7 years younger than me,I was only 34 he was only 27 and I already had 4DC,lots of men would have run as fast as they could he's never even contemplated leaving.
I miss my Mum all the time but I know that when she passed she knew how much I loved her and she knew I always would and she knew I'd always miss her and how important she'll always be to me.
My Dad has told pretty much everyone that will listen that he's only getting through loosing the love of his life and being so ill because he said he still has me,his son(what he calls my husband)and our 5 children.
My cousin and his brothers and sisters and his children and wife I am offering all the support I can to all of them.My Auntie and my Uncle were seeing and talking to as much as we can and doing what ever we can for them both.
We will be moving house this year,I'm making sure of that!
Cutting out the people that treated us so badly has been really freeing,no more having to sort out all of they're problems,lending money constantly(and never getting it back)constantly being the agony aunt,relationship counselor,babysitter,argument sorter outer.All of the rest of the family know what they have done and have fully supported us so that's helped.
Although everything I went through as a child and young adult was horrific I now know none of it was my fault and surviving it all has made me a much stronger person and I have a vast understanding of what it's like to survive things like that and I use my experiences to help others.
Good career, years of singledom and independent living, deciding early in life I didn't want kids which took the pressure off, living a simple life.
However, when things were falling apart around me 5 years or so ago and my whole life was in chaos and I didn't know where to turn, I found moving away from everything and everyone most helpful. A complete new start.
What are you struggling with at the moment? Anything we can advise with?
I think it's all about how you see things,I've always been a very positive person,always glass half full and I've never been the Oh woe is me kind of person.
I know I'm very lucky to have that kind of attitude to life and it all it can throw at me.
But I do believe that you can learn to be more positive.I did.
I have a happy life. I worked hard at school, did well and am in a job I enjoy and earn reasonably well. DH too studied hard and is now reaping the rewards. We have a lovely house and although not "rich", are comfortably well off. We chose to have DC later so have travelled , and now have two healthy children and solid families. Life so far has been kind. We have not been unfortunate to endure redundancy, illness, infertility for example. I take none of it for granted though and realise it could all change in a second. I am a nurse, and have seen far too many examples of that.
I agree with pp that a lot of it is attitude. I am ridiculously easily pleased. This evening DH is working late so after all the chores are done and DS is in bed I am very much looking forward to a glass of wine and some TV. The other day I had been awake since 3.30am (thanks DS and your molars) and spent the day genuinely looking forward to getting into my pjs and dressing gown at 6pm.
I have stuff in my life which makes me very unhappy (my dd's troubles mainly) but give thanks every day for my wonderful dh, my lovely family, and my education as it makes life so rich and meaningful for me.
I try to notice beautiful things all the time - colours, flowers, music, the wind. I feel lucky and grateful to have love and to be in the world.
Left the bastard
I've always had a fairly good sense of humour, at the risk of sounding like a lonely hearts column. I can laugh at myself as well.
Things were pretty rocky for a while after my marriage ended but I think we are on the home stretch now.
I accept that bad things will happen, but on balance most of it has been really good. If I write a list of the bad things that have happened
Sexual assult, Dh with depression, both parents have cancer, in debt, didn't take advantage of early career oportunities, failed my A levels, Dh been unfaithful, kid with chronic illness it looks as if I have been dealt a shit hand. But I don't dwell on the bad as it can't be changed - I define my self with the good in the present.
Marrigage is now stronger, will have paid the debt back soon (and will still have the memories of the good times it paid for), have a house that doesn't cost a fortune, enjoying the good times with my parents, both kids are happy and thriving, job I am in now is great, I have learnt how to do loads of things out of necessity that I really enjoy doing for their own sake.
My motto - onwards & upwards
It's about attitude and being grateful for what you have instead of feeling sad about what you don't have.
I've had some very difficult times over the years including ongoing depression and anxiety issues along with bereavements and money worries but I've been fortunate to have learnt how to focus on what is good in my life in times of trouble and it keeps me happy.
That isn't to say you shouldn't strive to make improvements to your life too but just that you should not be hard on yourself if it takes a while to get there.
I've always been a glass half full kind of person, kept my head down, worked hard, but something about me isn't right as everything has been hard to attain. Friendships have never come easy, nor have relationships, I always get overlooked at work and home life is poor at best. That's without the major health crises I've had through the years.
I guess I'm in an 'i give up' slump as doing things the 'right way' has still left me feeling like it's all gone wrong. I guess I'm one of those individuals unfortunate enough to not lead a charmed life! :-)
Ah, now I have been so so lucky with my health. If you're poorly a lot, no wonder you'll feel fed up.
Are you able to go into any more detail? Or are you worried about anonymity?
I too am very easily pleased. We don't have lots of money but we have enough to pay the mortgage and feed us and that's ok by me. I have 3 happy and healthy DCs and have been very lucky so far to have not really had any traumatic events. However, I am very aware that this could change at any point so I try and appreciate what I've got at this moment, although sometimes
like half term that's very difficult to do.
I hope things improve for you OP
Any time I'm feeling down or hard done by I remind myself of the wonderful girls and families I met in Bosnia and the awful terrible things they'd been through - things that would distress and trigger the hardest and strongest of hearts.
I remind myself how strong they had to be, how hard they worked at it and what they are now.
Then I give my head a shake and keep going.
Life is hard. It just is. Some of us have it harder than others. Be thankful you aren't one of those and make the most of the shite hand you've been dealt.
What kind of life would make you happy op?
Im always working at things. Health permitting, I believe in always being active to live the life you want or to be working towards it.
To me, interacting with people and having friends is important so I join groups from meetups.com, I organise coffee mornings , afternoons/days out with kids, nights out with friends and invite people along.
The right way isn't how other people define it, it is what makes you happy. I am sure I have broken all the "rules", but it doesn't matter. It is your life, not anybody elses.
Happy / charmed is living the life you want not the one you think other people think you ought. The wouldn't notice if you didn't live by the "rules". They are all too busy making sure their facade doesn't slip.
A good sense of humour. And being stubborn.
I'm one of those people where others say "You've got it all figured out", but I really don't. Some of it is luck, a lot of it is refusing to give in or refusing to take myself too seriously. If i sit around moping all day that I don't have family around to help with DD, I'd go crazy and I don't think I'd ever do anything about it.
Lately things have fallen into place after a rough spell, but I still have issues yo to deal wit. My policy is that if I can't find humour in them, I downplay them so they don't seem so bad.
Then again I think the biggest one is luck and personality. There are a lot of things I couldn't have gotten through without my family and friends, and I'm lucky to be a people person, lucky to find it easy to make friends and be outgoing, lucky to have landed on my feet with a little family at a young age. Now then, money is an area I'd like to be a little more sorted in ;)
PMA. It's so clichéd, but it's true. Oh, and pizzazz. You can never have too much pizzazz
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