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AIBU - bridezilla dictating what guests should wear

(225 Posts)
Lillyblossom Thu 28-May-15 10:30:33

Would like to know if IABU about this?

A dear friend of mine is getting married next month. It was a selected child free wedding. Some children are attending some aren't the couple have children. We sorted childcare with the PIL but FIL is due a opp the day before so they told us they could no longer babysit so the couple have said we can bring DD.

My friend and I were chatting on the phone recently and she said how angry she was that so many people intended to wear white dresses to her wedding that she had to say something. On FB may I add a angry status along the lines of if anyone dares wear white to my wedding I will throw you out, how dare anyone try to upstage me.

Anyway we had a conversation about this and she asked my opinion and I said I wasn't really overly bothered. Some ladies wore white dresses at mine and it really didn't matter to me.

She asked about mine and my DDs dress and I explained to her I had lost 3 stone recently and knew back in January I was planning too as I knew what size I should be as I've been this particular weight before. I'd been given some john Lewis vouchers for Xmas and because we had 3 weddings to go to this year and there all unrelated people I bought my dress in January to wear to all 3.

I've attached a pic, it's a nice dress I think and I feel comfortable in it. I don't really wear dresses often. I have large thighs and huge boobs despite being a size 10 so to find something that flatters and I feel comfortable in is quite rare.

DD doesn't really wear dresses either but she got given a really pretty dress for Xmas that she's not worn. It's a cream dress that is down to the floor and it does resemble a bridesmaid dress however I have got her a purple bolero chunky knit cardi and she's got some purple shoes that completely change the look of the dress. She wore very similar to a family wedding a couple of years ago and she looked lovely and did not look like a bridesmaid. Pic attached, same without the bow.

Bride has text me and basically gone batshit saying she thinks both of us need to return our dresses and get something more appropriate. Mine is apparently the same colour as her adult bridesmaids dresses. And she doesn't want DD upstaging her DCs.

I have said I had no idea what her colour theme is and it's not done intentionally. And her bridesmaids are wearing full length dresses.
Funny enough my other friend who is getting married is having the same colour theme and I did mention to her that I was wearing blue knee length as that's what her maids are wearing and she said don't be silly your not going to be the only one.

My husband says I should go out and buy new for me and DD just to keep the peace. But why should the bride get to dictate what her guests wear?
It's not low cut or skimpy so what should it matter?

So AIBU to wear this dress? If you were the bride would you be offended by either of these dresses?

mrsdavidbowie Thu 28-May-15 10:35:05

I wouldnt go.
Life is too short.
Or wear your original dresses.
There is no way I would let someone else tell me what to wear.

eggyface Thu 28-May-15 10:35:20

She's a bridezilla yanbu

Vycount Thu 28-May-15 10:35:34

I wouldn't go to the wedding. Have a nice day out somewhere else.

MrsNextDoor Thu 28-May-15 10:37:59


Why would ANYONE wear a white dress to someone's wedding? And as for your DD in a long white's rude.

Lillyblossom Thu 28-May-15 10:38:01

Sorry forgot to attach the pictures.

Try again....

fatlazymummy Thu 28-May-15 10:38:49

I can't see your photo.
First of all, I wouldn't put your daughter in a floor length dress. I would just buy a pretty summer dress for her (from somewhere like Sainsburys, even primark doesn't have to cost much), the sort of thing she can wear for other formal occassions).
As for your own dress, I wouldn't buy a new one. I'd wear the one I already had.
You did make a mistake showing her the dresses beforehand though, because that gives her the opportunity of expressing her opinion.

ThinkIveBeenHacked Thu 28-May-15 10:38:58

YABU for wanting to dress your dd in what is essentially a bridesmaid dress. The chunky purple cardigan will end up being taken off, so essentially she will just look like she is in a BM dress. And people will think you have dressed her in a BM dress purposefully.

Unless your dress is mainly white or cream, then YANBU to wear it. I really do find wearing white to another persons wedding a real faux pas

MrsHathaway Thu 28-May-15 10:39:31

Going batshit is obviously an overreaction.

But you can't take your non-bridesmaid daughter to a wedding in a bridesmaid dress no matter what accessories you choose, and it's customary to avoid wearing white to weddings unless you're the bride, so I think you're being disingenuous there.

As for banning blue because the bridesmaids are in it, that's unfortunate. There I think accessorising is the way forward (or indeed not going, if she's being so unpleasant).

DM was invited to a wedding where all the female guests were directed to wear pink, orange or coral. I imagine the photos looked great, but hmm

ThinkIveBeenHacked Thu 28-May-15 10:40:13

Ahh I see you have selected a dress the same colour as the BMs. And tbh it looks like a short BM dress now you have attached the pics

Just order it in a different colour.

Coffeethrowtrampbitch Thu 28-May-15 10:40:36

Wear jeans?

Under the dress grin

FarFromAnyRoad Thu 28-May-15 10:41:04

Her DD's dress is not white nextdoor - nor is the OP's so your shitty response was pointless given that you clearly can't read the thread.

Those are lovely dresses. Find somewhere lovely to go, where you can wear them. Spend the money you'd have spent on a present, on yourselves. Bollocks to bridezilla.

fatlazymummy Thu 28-May-15 10:41:37

Just seen your photos.
I repeat what I said. Your dress is fine, your daughter's dress does look like a bridesmaids dress to me.
Overall though, no a bride shouldn't dictate what her guests wear, but the guests should show a little consideration.

AlisonBlunderland Thu 28-May-15 10:41:49

I wouldn't tell the bride what I was planning to wear beforehand.
I can't see the pic but does it look like a bridemaid dress?

It is a convention that guests don't wear white, but many do.
It's not unusual for little girls to wear a BM dress from an earlier wedding, so there will be others looking like yours

But she's being a bridezilla and i would wear your dress regardless.

TwinkieTwinkle Thu 28-May-15 10:42:38

Your dd dress is totally inappropriate to wear when she is not a bridesmaid.

formerbabe Thu 28-May-15 10:43:22

I was going to say yabu to wear white but I see it isn't! In that case, she's being ridiculous. It is rude to wear white to a wedding but that rule doesn't apply to children fgs!

Reignbeau Thu 28-May-15 10:44:51

The bride is NBU about guests planning to wear white, that is a massive no no. She is BU about your dress and probably about your DD's dress. I would think it will be fairly obvious neither of you are part of the wedding party on the day as you don't have active roles in the ceremony. She needs to get over the fact that she can't control every single detail of her wedding day as far as guests are concerned.

MidniteScribbler Thu 28-May-15 10:44:53

If I saw your daughter at a wedding in that dress I would assume she was a flowergirl.

AlisonBlunderland Thu 28-May-15 10:46:02

Just seen your photo.

Your dress is fine unless you are planning on carrying a bouquet all day.

I've changed my mind about your DD dress- it is way too bridesmaidy!
Buy her something else that she can play in without getting trashed

Diamond23 Thu 28-May-15 10:47:01

Yours is lovely. Your DD is far too bridesmaidy, sorry.

I don't think it's bridezilla to be upset at people wearing white to a wedding. It's bad manners.

YsabellStoHelit Thu 28-May-15 10:47:26

The kids dress looks like bridesmaid dress. I wouldn't dream of sending my dd to a wedding in it unless she was a bm. In that case tbh yabu in my view. Your dress it's a shame it's the same colour as bms but tbh if this bothered the bride she should have specified please no navy dresses on invites. I would say though if you've already worn it for 2 weddings just go buy something else for you both. You deserve it after your weightloss and sounds like you have your DHs blessing.

MidniteScribbler Thu 28-May-15 10:47:51

DM was invited to a wedding where all the female guests were directed to wear pink, orange or coral.

See that would piss me off. Those colours are pretty specific and not everyone looks good in them. I have bright red hair and those colours do NOT suit me at all. I don't own anything in those colours and have no intention of buying anything that colour.

froggyjump Thu 28-May-15 10:49:10

Your dress looks lovely.

Many little girls party dresses look a bit bridesmaid-y, or princess-y so I would expect any young female guests to look a bit like part of the wedding party. I wonder if you could accessorise hers a bit differently, a red sash or something completely different to the bridal party colours?

But whether you do or not, don't spend money on more dresses when the ones you have already are lovely.

Do you value her friendship? Because she sounds like the type who would never speak to you again if you didn't go to the wedding or if you wore the dress she specifically asked you not to wear. If you're happy to possibly end the friendship, wear it

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