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MIL just won't quit with the games

(31 Posts)
Beth2511 Thu 28-May-15 09:56:15

Lots of back history but yet another issue. When we moved OH left a box of v.important documents at his mum's temporarily just to keep them safe whilst moving, in it his passport and DSD's birth certificate. Before getting them back the fall out with MIL began and he hasn't been able to get the documents back.

We desperately need the passport and want DSD's birth certificate but how do we get it back? OH is convinced if we involve police that she will send the documents to either his sister's or to an elderly relatives house and deny all knowledge of it.

Is there anything we can do?

maddy68 Thu 28-May-15 09:59:02

I would just order new ones.
You can get a copy of the birth certificate easily and a new passport

Just claim they have been lost. Why give her power?

NealCaffreysHat Thu 28-May-15 09:59:08

Cancel the passport and apply for a new one and oorder a copy of DSD's birth certificate. It will take the wind out of her sails and it doesn't sound like contacting her is worth the trouble.

Pootles2010 Thu 28-May-15 10:00:41

Do you need them now - are you going on holiday? How long have you got?

I'd consider ordering new ones, but i do understand the birth cert has sentimental value. If she's being a cow, you dont want to give her any power. I'd not want to be begging her for them back.

NealCaffreysHat Thu 28-May-15 10:00:55

Cross post with Maddy

icelollycraving Thu 28-May-15 10:01:19

Yes,replace. She needs a little power taken away going by your op.

EuphemiaCoxton Thu 28-May-15 10:02:55

Ask for them back and then tell her to chuck them as you have new ones ordered.
Refuse to play the game

A new birth certificate can be ordered easily from the .gov website. My son's new passport arrived within after 10 days earlier this month. I was shocked. Why would you enter into an argument with the silly woman over something like this. Irreplaceable momentoes yes, paperwork no.

runawaysimba Thu 28-May-15 10:17:49

How soon do you need them? Could you just report them lost/stolen and replace them?

runawaysimba Thu 28-May-15 10:18:19

Ha, huge crossposts!

Beth2511 Thu 28-May-15 10:22:24

See I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of knowing she has one up on us but we've come second bidding on a HA property so if we get it we need the passport straight away.

The birth certificate is more a frustration because I insisted that when DD was born I wanted a bank account for her but I wouldn't feel right doing one for her without doing one for DSD. Part of me feels like that as she knows why we want it she can explain to DSD why she won't let us do it but I know we'll go through the process of getting a new one.

The main concern is the passport as we need a bigger home for our family and we are finally within touching distance of that happening and she can ruin it all.

Pootles2010 Thu 28-May-15 10:23:36

Why do you need passport for that? What do they do with people who haven't got them? I'd explain to them whats happened, and try to provide passport number - you may have it on old plane tickets etc?

Can you/your OH go and knock on her door and ask politely yet firmly for the documents? She would either have to hand them over or call the police, in which case you can then explain she is withholding property that you have very nicely asked to have back.

icelollycraving Thu 28-May-15 10:46:19

Why would you need her birth certificate for that? I'm a bit confused.

SpringTown46 Thu 28-May-15 10:50:11

Presumably the passport is needed for HA as proof of identity/citizenship? But lots of people don't have passports. I think it likely that there would be an alternative, try asking them.

PattiODoors Thu 28-May-15 10:50:15

I don't understand about the bit about DD and DSD and bank accounts but anyway...

Obtain replacement birth certs
Report Passport as lost and start replacement process

LittleMissRayofHope Thu 28-May-15 10:51:46

Had this with my mum when I was splitting from ExH.
And then when I asked for mine and dd's passports back it just went on and on... 'Can't find them' 'next week' 'I'm keeping them safe' 'why do you need them' etc.

I ordered new ones and said 'it's such a shame that i can't rely on family to simply support me instead of trying to power struggle with me'

Took about 2 weeks for replacements to show up

pluCaChange Thu 28-May-15 10:54:50

Has DSD's mother got a copy of the BC (unless she's, sadly, dead? Sorry!)?

As for your DH's ID, surely there are other forms of ID you can use, including birth certificate, National Insurance card, etc.? In a pinch, perhaps a picture endorsed by a civil servant/ GP/ teacher would be an acceptable to BC, driver's license, etc...?

CarriesBucketOfBlood Thu 28-May-15 10:55:47

Maybe the OP is abroad? The UK is reasonably unusual in not requiring citizens to have any ID. In lots of countries you are always require to carry an ID card, or a passport for foreigners.

AYearofMinorMiracles Thu 28-May-15 10:56:41

Beth, we got HA last year (3rd on list!) and I don't remember having to give them my passport. Actually, they handed keys over with amazing ease as in we saw the house on Monday and had keys by Wednesday. Pick the 'phone up to the HA and explain you have a MIL playing stupid games and ask what alternative they will accept - there will be one. Good luck: hope you get your new home.

AnUtterIdiot Thu 28-May-15 10:57:00

You can get an emergency appointment for a passport. Costs about £150 I think but I went for an appointment and got mine the same day (I think).

crazykat Thu 28-May-15 10:57:46

You need the birth certificate to prove you're entitled to the bigger house with a HA, the passport is for identification.

Op if you get the house explain the situation to the HA, your dh should be able to use his driving licence as id, that's what dh and I did as neither of us have passports.

Order a new birth certificate now and you should have it in a few days.

EvilTendency1 Thu 28-May-15 11:01:45

You can provide other forms of ID confused

I don't have a current passport but accepted other forms are a UK driving license (tricky if you don't drive), your birth certificate (if he doesn't have a copy and it you desperately need ones you can get one on a same day premium service by going to where he was registered at birth and ask for one) bank account statements and utility bills will all help too.

Your DSD's bc, fuck it, order a replacement and register the passport as lost/stolen if he can't get it off his mum and apply for a new one today. Where there is a will there is a way !

Mashtag Thu 28-May-15 11:02:50

Id order new BC and contact HA asking what alternative identification they will accept.

As for MIL Id phone her and say you have ordered replacements as it was vital you had them but as they are important legal documents you have reported them stolen to the police and they may contact her as her house has been noted as last place they were seen. Clarify that identity theft is a big issue these days and police take it very seriously (whilst of cause not accusing her in any way).

pluCaChange Thu 28-May-15 11:06:22

I seem to remember that I could use the same picture as on my passport photo (on file with the UKPA), on my driving license, so even if your DH hasn't got a driver's license, perhaps he could apply for a provisional licence using the UKPA picture on file to speed things up:

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