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WIBU to ask these parents to bring food for their DD

(137 Posts)
fastcarsloosemen Tue 26-May-15 18:07:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

D0oinMeCleanin Tue 26-May-15 18:10:06

Could you all do a food shop together when they arrive and split the cost?

You could meal plan in advance so you are buying what the child will eat.

DisappointedOne Tue 26-May-15 18:10:12

Don't have the alternative foods and treats in the house?

TwinkieTwinkle Tue 26-May-15 18:11:05

Why not just say to the visiting parent a rough outline of what you will be making and what you will have in the house, then politely say that you have noticed before their DD seemed to not eat a lot at your house so they are more than welcome to bring extra for her if she won't eat what you have in?

avocadogreen Tue 26-May-15 18:11:09

I think if it was me I'd ask what food she likes at the moment and get some things in for her. It's a pain but some kids are really fussy. One of DD's friends only ever eats plain pasta at our house.

WorraLiberty Tue 26-May-15 18:11:25

How old is she?

Besta Tue 26-May-15 18:12:34

Make the meal. If the child doesn't eat it, offer toast and butter. Then when she asks for snacks and hasn't eaten the meal/toast, say "no, you can't fill up on rubbish".

Hard to argue with that IMO. Parents could always go out and get her treats and snacks if she REALLY needs one......

Tommy Tue 26-May-15 18:12:49

I have a fussy eater and people we go to regularly ask us what to cook when we are coming. It is annoying but it sounds like you're trying to accommodate them so why not ask them each time they come "What is DD eating these days?"

pinkyredrose Tue 26-May-15 18:13:07

Ask your DH to sort the food for his family?

cashewnutty Tue 26-May-15 18:13:22

Maybe don't say to bring all her meals but to bring things she likes in case she doesn't want or like the food you are serving. My DD2 was very fussy as a child and when we visited people i always took things i knew she liked or would buy something else if i knew she wouldn't eat what was being served.

It might be frustrating for her parents too. My DD2 would eat say, spaghetti bolognese i made, but reject someone elses because it 'didn't taste the same'.

DinosaursRoar Tue 26-May-15 18:13:42

A better solution would be to ask what their DD eats and what meals would suit her, not say "I'm going to make X, would your DD eat that?" as politeness would mean they'll often say "whatever you want to make is fine." even if it wouldn't be.

Another question, why do you have these people visit so often? Have you been to see them between last hosting and was she the same at home? Are you in a convienent location for visiting others/holidays etc? Start being busy if they aren't recipricating the invites.

Eating out is another option. Or ask them to bring some things/cook one meal... Have limited snack/other meal options.

LifeHuh Tue 26-May-15 18:13:48

I think asking them to bring food is reasonable . At the point when DD was difficult to feed, I would take something simple I was sure that she would eat when we went to friends, I didn't think making sure she had enough to eat was their problem. And a friend sent her DS to us with a packed lunch for years, for the same reason .(All are quite old and no problem to feed now, thank goodness smile)

bronya Tue 26-May-15 18:14:34

We often have a child for dinner who has real food issues and eats a very narrow diet. We keep some of what she will eat in the freezer and then give her that while everyone else eats the main meal. No snacks if it isn't eaten though.

Snozberry Tue 26-May-15 18:14:43

Ask them for a list of things she will eat and try and meal plan around this, I don't think you should have to pander to her really but in an attempt to be a good host that is what I would do. If I was the DDs mum I'd offer to cater for her myself if she was that bad, so I don't think YABU to ask her mum to cater for her. How would she react to being asked?

avocadogreen Tue 26-May-15 18:15:34

Or ask the other parents if they want to cook separately for her themselves? Sometimes kids only like things the way their parents make them.

WorraLiberty Tue 26-May-15 18:16:57

Maybe it's not about the actual food itself.

Perhaps she gets anxious eating in someone else's house?

PicaK Tue 26-May-15 18:19:05

I think it's a good idea provided it's in the format of "Really looking forward to seeing you. Are there specific items I should get for x? Does she still like y treat?"
Trust me if you're stressed and irritated by the waste then imagine how they feel.
I'm a parent of a child with eating issues. Although I apologise hugely in advance and explain I have to bring our own food and prepare it in a certain way - and it still might not be eaten because we're in a different house.
It's not really costing that much. And she could be eating it and it sounds like you wouldn't be upset if it was used up by being eaten. Do you resent them/this child in other ways? Can your OH cook the kids' meal while you "run an errand" - just so you have a bit of space from it?

Theycallmemellowjello Tue 26-May-15 18:22:28

I think that if you are having trouble affording it, then it is fine to get them to chip in. Just be honest about the situation, no one could fault that. If you are getting frustration with the principle that the little girl is allowed to do this, I get that frustration, but I think that you should try to remember that it's not her or her parents fault and they are also finding it really difficult. In short, if you would only be mentioning the money to make a kind of 'point' then don't. If it really is about the money, then do.

WipsGlitter Tue 26-May-15 18:27:00

Don't have the treats in or have them well hidden. I was a very fussy eater as a child and remember being forced to eat stuff at my cousins house it was awful. I just didn't like what they had to eat.

DirtyDancing Tue 26-May-15 18:28:59

I agree with those who have suffered the following approach:

Looking forward to seeing you
This is what I have planned to cook when you come to stay - mon spag bol, tues salmon and new pots.. Etc
Will X eat this? If not, perhaps you would you like to bring some alternative food for her to eat.

DirtyDancing Tue 26-May-15 18:29:18


fastcarsloosemen Tue 26-May-15 18:38:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

avocadogreen Tue 26-May-15 18:44:04

The thing with spaghetti bolognaise is people make it different ways. I blend the sauce, for example, my DS wouldn't eat it if he could actually see, shock horror, vegetables shock

But next time she doesn't eat it I would just say to the mum 'feel free to help yourself to whatever you think she might like, there's beans/cheese/bread etc in the cupboard'. Then sit down.

DinosaursRoar Tue 26-May-15 18:50:30

i think your bigger problem is the 'regular hosting' - why are you having people to stay all the time? And as you've not said what she's like at their house, I'm guessing my earlier question about them hosting you in return hasn't happened.

It's too late to pull out now, but I'd be sitting DH down and saying that you arne't running a hotel, and don't want to be hosting anyone who doesn't invite you back in return before expecting to come again, and doesn't pitch in to help.

Theycallmemellowjello Tue 26-May-15 18:50:33

God yes, there's nothing more frustrating than a child who won't eat! My little sister was like this as a child - I remember meal times were total agony as I had to stay at the table for ages after I finished while my parents tried to cajole her in nibbling a bit of her food.

I think that the posters suggesting that you just raise it with the parents might have found a better strategy than just going in and asking them to pay. I also think it's fine to say something that expresses your frustration in a non-blaming way - I am certain that your friends will empathise with that frustration! And try to find out if there's anything you can do, find a strategy together with the parents. But ultimately, if she's refusing to eat, then it's impossible to force her and the parents are understandably going to want to get enough calories into her any way they can, including by way of snacks. And given that the alternative is likely to be a massively grumpy and hangry child it's also in your interest that she forces something down! Personally, I'd just write off a bit of food in advance, and maybe offer her stuff like toast as an alternative rather than anything too fancy that you'll be really annoyed at wasting. It's not a massive wastage in the scheme of things and I'm sure that the little girl will grow out of this soon so it's not likely to be a problem that haunts your friendship forever.

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