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How do I ltb?

(38 Posts)
yearoftheferrari Tue 26-May-15 08:01:55

Nc for this.

I have come to a decision that I want to divorce my husband. Details hopefully not necessary as I know you would respond ltb.

We have two kids, 6 and 1. Eldest in a lovely school nearby. Grandparents etc not local. We own our house - about half is ours, half still mortgaged. Mortgage is alot as we aimed to pay it quickly.

H refuses to leave the house whenever I raise the question of separation / divorce. I need to stay put as I am the person who has done far greater share of child rearing and who they prefer to be with.

I don't want to leave the area wwith them due to school and being settled.

What do I do to get him out?

Icimoi Tue 26-May-15 08:03:29

See a lawyer

Royalsighness Tue 26-May-15 08:04:12

Change the locks when he's out, restraining order maybe? If possible.

Royalsighness Tue 26-May-15 08:04:32

It's a hard thing to do without things turning nasty.

DisappointedOne Tue 26-May-15 08:06:06

If they own jointly then she can't change the locks Royalsighness

fortunately Tue 26-May-15 08:07:47

You can't change the locks on his own house.

Only change them if you rent and his name isn't on the tenancy.

See a lawyer. Get the divorce moving. Hopefully he'll get the message.

yearoftheferrari Tue 26-May-15 08:10:57

Yes you're right I should just get things moving. I think he might listen to reason if divorce was actually a reality.

It has all come about because he is EA, which I find hard to admit even on here because I feel like such a failure.

hesterton Tue 26-May-15 08:13:47

You're not a failure. He is.

fortunately Tue 26-May-15 08:14:44

You're not the failure, he is.

To get yourself out of that situation is hard, and takes real guts. That's not failure.

fortunately Tue 26-May-15 08:14:58

X post smile

SummerHouse Tue 26-May-15 08:19:13

Not a failure. Amazing strength to be getting out under the relentless drain of EA. You are a hero op. You will see it when you are through this, the hardest part. Good luck.

yearoftheferrari Tue 26-May-15 08:23:14

Thanks, your posts have made me cry.

I am going to work and have had to leave dcs with him.

I have a big day today which he knows and has sabotaged by leaving me with kids all of yesterday while ge stayed in bed then getting up in the evening to complain house is "disgusting ". This morning he was threatening not to pay the mortgage, which is all about an inheritance I am getting, and him trying to dictate how it is spent.

I'm on train crying. I'm never going to be able to concentrate and my day is so important, not just to me but to others too.

Euphemia Tue 26-May-15 08:23:35

Definitely see a lawyer. There's a lot of help for you out there.

yearoftheferrari Tue 26-May-15 08:26:45

Sorry to drip feed.

pissedglitter Tue 26-May-15 08:26:47

See a lawyer
Also see if this can be moved to relationships as you will get a lot of support and helpful advice

yearoftheferrari Tue 26-May-15 08:27:39

I feel happier in aibu as that is where I usually hang out!

fortunately Tue 26-May-15 08:30:41

You'll feel so much better once you instigate the split.

Being a LP is so so so much easier than parenting with someone like that.

FarFromAnyRoad Tue 26-May-15 08:52:29

Wishing you strength - you're doing the right thing for you and for the children. I'd agree with everything that's been said already but also would recommend you take advice about protecting your inheritance if that is at all possible. flowers

Gottagetmoving Tue 26-May-15 09:02:27

You must get legal advice and follow it. There is no quick way of getting him out so you have to be patient. Try not to resort to any underhand tricks or listen to people telling you to do anything that can be considered unreasonable. It really does work out better when you do things properly and fairly. Try not to let any unreasonable behaviour by your DH to make you retaliate. A solicitor will help you.

yearoftheferrari Tue 26-May-15 09:04:44

Thanks all.

yearoftheferrari Tue 26-May-15 09:05:36

Been speaking to fil who is entirely sympathetic to me and helpful, which speaks volumes. Feeling a bit more like I can do this.

ilovesooty Tue 26-May-15 09:07:02

Good for you. You can do this.

Whatisaweekend Tue 26-May-15 09:13:37

Would the inheritance be enough to buy him out?

Crikey he must be a nasty piece of work if his own father is more sympathetic to you!

Good luck today - I am sure you will rise above it all and shine.

flora717 Tue 26-May-15 09:43:46

Book an appointment with a solicitor. I found as soon as I'd done that it was easier to focus on the day to day because I was able to think of when I'd handle house etc and detach a bit.

FlabulousChix Tue 26-May-15 09:54:03

Can you afford the mortgage and bills if he leaves? He would only have to pay maintenance.

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