To not know whether to invite my dad

[Dinosaurdrip]

i can't decide whether to invite him to my wedding! Mum and dad split up when I was 10, am 35 now. After a year of sporadic visits and waiting at the window for him not to turn up, we didn't see him. At 16 found out my paternal grandmas number and phoned her and asked for my dads number. I contacted him and we spoke maybe once a month.

He had re married and had a son with his wife and had also adopted her daughter (non of this we knew) anyway we've seen each other a handful of times and he has met my 2 DS. Dd is 2.5 and he hasn't seen her. He has forgotten DD's 1st birthday and ds1 last birthday. Just a card or a phone call would have sufficed, I'm not being grabby.

As it stands at the moment I haven't spoken to him in over a year, I have tried but he never returns the calls. So should I just leave it and conclude that he doesn't want a relationship. I would be gutted if I did invite him and he said no I think.

What do you think?

[Fatmomma99]

Do you want him there?

There is no other issue or consideration.

Other than, if you DO invite him and he doesn't turn up, will it spoil your day.

Sorry that you've had a crap dad, and sounds like you've done loads to be in touch, so no fault of yours and good luck for your wedding

[SilverBirch2015]

I think you answered you own question in the last sentence, it would upset you if he said no.

He seems to have let you down your whole life, no reason for you to want him there on such a special day and he doesn't deserve to be there. It would just cause you unnecessary stress.

[DoJo]

I wouldn't bother - you don't want your day marred by worries about whether he will turn up or not, or by worrying that his presence might be uncomfortable for you or other family members. He has had a chance to be a part of your life when it would have counted and he has chosen not to get involved - why should he get to share in your special day when he can't even be bothered to pick up the phone once a year.

What good would come of inviting him if he does come?

[Dinosaurdrip]

Thank you, I was definitely thinking on the same lines. A little part of me is still the girl who's daddy could do no wrong in her eyes. Don't get me wrong I know he's been crap but it's like I crave for him to love me or show me some affection. I sound creepy now. I think I have made my decision and will have a fantastic day with the people who love and care for me and DP.

[DoJo]

I crave for him to love me or show me some affection.

I do understand, but as long as you keep providing him with opportunities to let you down, he will keep taking them. He isn't the person you want him to be, and although that's disappointing, maybe your wedding could be a fresh start for you in accepting that he will never have that role in your life.