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To be considering sterilisation

(18 Posts)
Squirrel78 Sun 24-May-15 19:31:50

I am a 35 year old sahm of one dd age three. I've always struggled with motherhood and right now it's unbearable. Her behaviour is worse than monstrous, she has tantrums constantly - meal times, bathtime, trips out are ruined every single time. She yells, screams and hits despite being punished for it each time. She is always waking up in the night and having aggressive tantrums. I just hate life right now and I'm exhausted but I can't tell anyone about it because they will blame me or maybe not even believe me as she's fine at pre-school and with other people. Everyone says I'm a great mum and she's a great little girl so how can I admit I'm tired of all the battles - my life is a misery. Dh supports me when he's here but he has to work - we are up to our eyes in debt and I am struggling to get any work.

I've been seriously looking at getting sterilised as dh won't have a vasectomy. I've read about the procedures and am really scared but if it meant I never had to go through any of this again it would be worth it.

Has anyone had the procedure done and how did you find it? Please no flaming - this is a serious and sensitive issue for me and I've been thinking about it for a long time.

Flisspaps Sun 24-May-15 19:34:57

YANBU. It's something I'm thinking about after 2 DC. I do NOT want more confused

TestingTestingWonTooFree Sun 24-May-15 19:35:36

It doesn't sound like the answer to your problems really, although I can see why you don't want another baby. Don't you feel safe doubling up on contraception? Ie hormones + barrier?

backtowork2015 Sun 24-May-15 19:36:43

woah, not so fast! this is a really difficult age and everyone struggles with a threenager. use good contraception for now, maybe once you're working again and finances arnt so stretched you'll feel different. sterilisation seems a radical step. she's only going to get easier to manage.

Squirrel78 Sun 24-May-15 19:38:37

I've been on the pill for many years (except for when we were ttc dd) - I'm just not sure about filling my body with hormones indefinitely, I worry it's not doing my body any good. I know it's not the snare to my problems but it would be one less thing to feel anxious about. I just couldn't cope with another one.

Squirrel78 Sun 24-May-15 19:39:27

Sorry answer not snare - bloody autotext.

Squirrel78 Sun 24-May-15 19:48:34

I really can't imagine feeling different especially if I was lucky enough to get a job and a chance of feeling happy again.

Nolim Sun 24-May-15 19:52:12

Why wont he have a vasectomy? You say he supports you and afIk it is easier.

backtowork2015 Sun 24-May-15 19:59:14

I won't fill my body wurh hormones either, I have a copper coil

SolomanDaisy Sun 24-May-15 20:03:19

I don't know anything about sterilisation, I just wanted to say it gets so much easier as they get closer to four and get more control of themselves. It won't feel this dreadful for long.

pinkyredrose Sun 24-May-15 20:04:12

It's a much easier op for a guy. Why is he reluctant? How about no sex till he gets the snip? Bet he'll rethink it then.

sanquhar Sun 24-May-15 20:09:29

I've been sterilised, it was a breeze.

you go in to the hospital, they gown you up and put a canula in (for me that is the absolute worst bit, i haaaaaate canualas!) then they wheel you off to theatre, the staff there chat you through what will happen.
in my case they put a mask over my face, i went to sleep and a few seconds later i woke up and it was all donegrin

it really is nothing to worry about, you have an hour or so to get over the worst of the drowsiness from the GA then you are sent home.

i find parenting a challenge too and have never regretted my op!

Whitewhine Sun 24-May-15 20:19:46

I have had Essure sterilisation. It's carried out in the out-patient clinic with no anaesthetic at all.... Not for the faint-hearted as it involves a hysteroscopy whilst fully awake but I drove myself home after the procedure (lasts approx 20mins) and was fully sterilised after 3 months. I had a scan to confirm Fallopian tubes are fully blocked.

Google it - the best thing I have ever done as regards contraception. Probably no better or worse than male vasectomy. It's changed my life - no shitty hormonal contraception, no worry about unwanted pregnancy and no anaesthetic. There are only a handful of gynaecologists offering this in the UK, I was lucky enough to have one in my health board. All the best OP, sous like you are having a challenging time.

Flisspaps Sun 24-May-15 20:38:00

I've read about Essure, but there's a lot of reports of ongoing serious pain for some women - glad to hear you found it ok

tobysmum77 Sun 24-May-15 20:43:02

It was fine for me also Fliss. There are potential side effects with anything.

Whitewhine Sun 24-May-15 20:44:08

I've been very lucky with it and had absolutely no problems at all. I read all of the horror stories online but was reassured by a very down-to-earth female gynaecologist. I decided to trust her judgement and have it done. It has been a relief to get rid of my bastard Mirena and have non-hormonal, no surgery required, long-term contraception.

tobysmum77 Sun 24-May-15 20:45:21

When I read the website it just seemed to me that any physical issue anyone had after the fitting was being blamed on essure.

Totality22 Sun 24-May-15 20:50:15

Maybe you need to look at the other issues OP, namely the issues with DD.

I have a 2.5 year old and he is relatively "good" but he is testing on a daily basis so I completely understand also have a 4 month old and 100% do not want another baby but we have no time for sex

Have you discussed her behaviour with anyone? I know my DS plays up for me a lot more than he does anyone else? BUT it may be worthwhile knowing if this is something to be concerned about or something that will pass? Based on it being age related I really don't think punishing tantrums is a good idea?

I am not flaming you OP, I just think the issue you really need to tackle is the child.

Has she always been high maintenance? I have found my toddler has got harder with age!

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