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AIBU?

to think these parents should have checked first if they wanted to go out and leave their child with me?

159 replies

Tinklewinkle · 24/05/2015 19:23

Sorry, very long winded title, but I'm bloody pissed off and don't think I've done anything wrong.

DD2's best friend lives a few doors down from us. We have a bit of an open door policy whereby the girls (both 9, nearly 10) knock for each other, if it's nice they tend to play together out the front, or they'll come in (here or at DD's friend's house) and play for a while, then when we get fed up/dishing up dinner/have to go out/whatever we'll send them home.

DH and DD1 are away this weekend and DD2 and I had made plans for a couple of treats. DD's friend came and knocked for her just after lunch and DD asked if they could play for a while. Reminded DD we were going out so they only had an hour or so. All fine.

I sent DD's friend home when we were ready to go, DD and I went out. That was that, all very normal and nothing that hasn't happened pretty much every day for several years.

Anyway, DD and I return and we've been home a matter of minutes before there's a knock on the door. I assume it's DD's friend and go to explain that we were going to sort out dinner and have a movie night, so DD would see her tomorrow. But it's the friends mum.

It turns out that while DD's friend was here, they'd gone out. They'd returned to find their DD sitting on their doorstep and the parents are very upset with me.

At no point had either parent mentioned they were going out, they didn't pop down, phone, text, anything. The friend didn't say a word and I had absolutely no idea they weren't in

Now, there have been times when DD has been there and we've needed to go out. One of us will go down, if it's OK we'll leave DD there if it's not, DD will come with us. I'd never just go out without speaking to them first.

AIBU to think, if you want someone else to be responsible for your child, you should bloody well let them know first. I actually have no problem with their DD staying here when they go out if it's convenient, but they can't just expect me to be responsible for supervising their daughter while they're out if I don't know I'm supposed to be doing so

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WipsGlitter · 24/05/2015 19:24

Totally. I wonder about people sometimes.

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alicemalice · 24/05/2015 19:25

Of course, yanbu. You're not a mindreader.

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ForFlipSakes · 24/05/2015 19:26

YASOOONU!

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HelpMeGetOutOfHere · 24/05/2015 19:27

I would have done the same as you, popped down to say we were going out and either take ds back with me or leave her with you if you said it was ok.

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NoArmaniNoPunani · 24/05/2015 19:27

YANBU, they are totally in the wrong.

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amothersplaceisinthewrong · 24/05/2015 19:27

They are being completely unreasonable. Last time I looked, telepathy was not part of being a responsible adult. THEY are completely in the wrong and clearly feel guilty and are trying to assuage that guilt by blaming you. IGNORE!

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LaLyra · 24/05/2015 19:28

YANBU.

Their child is entirely their responsibility. Going out without checking their child was ok to stay (checking would be rude, they should be asking, but they should at least check!).

They parents should be very upset with themselves for making assumptions. She's their child and their responsibility.

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hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 24/05/2015 19:28

They clearly think you have no life or plans of your own.

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balletgirlmum · 24/05/2015 19:29

I can't believe they were upset with you. What were you supposed to do? Not go out as planned or take the girl with you meaning she'd be missing when her parents returned.

It's ok for them to go out but not for you to do the same!

I'd be seriously considering having the child round at all from now on.

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Fairy13 · 24/05/2015 19:29

They are being almost unbelievably U.

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MovingToAlnwick · 24/05/2015 19:29

YANBU. I can't believe they had the cheek to leave their DD without asking let alone have a go at you about leaving her.

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expatinscotland · 24/05/2015 19:29

YANBU. She'd got a helluva cheek taking the hump with you. 'You never informed me you were going out. It's unfair to be upset with me.'

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pregnantpause · 24/05/2015 19:30

Yanbu- but they probably feed bad and it's easier to pass the buck. It's like shouting at your dc when they grab for a knife on the counter top- your not angry at them - you're angry at yourself for leaving the knife there, but you can't help shouting at dc for pointing out your own failing and scaring you ( or they're ignorant entitled prats- one or t'otherWink)

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Tinklewinkle · 24/05/2015 19:30

Apparently, I should have walked the DD home to make sure they were in.

We've never done that before, they don't walk my DD home. It's just "right, x needs to go home now, it's dinner/we need to go out/etc" and send them on their way.

The mum was extremely angry - Im irresponsible, DD's friend isn't allowed to play here any more, etc, etc

I'm beginning to wonder how many times they've already gone out without telling me now

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The5DayChicken · 24/05/2015 19:30

YANBU...the fucking cheek of it!! What did you say to her??

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SanityClause · 24/05/2015 19:31

Perhaps the little girl was supposed to tell you her parents were going out?

In any case, YANBU. If they wanted you to look after her, they needed to ask, and of course, this time you would have had to refuse, because of your plans.

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TestingTestingWonTooFree · 24/05/2015 19:33

It's a shame for the girls, but I don't think I'd want her back when her parents are such massive dicks.

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Fluffcake · 24/05/2015 19:33

YANBU.

There child is their responsibility. They may have asked their DD to let you know they were going out but they still should have checked. They are probably just upset with themselves but are projecting onto you. Which is also VU.

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balletgirlmum · 24/05/2015 19:34

They are the irresponsible ones

They are expecting you to do what they couldn't be bothered to (check their dd was ok)

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minkGrundy · 24/05/2015 19:34

YANBU. Hopefully they will calm down.
And no harm done really.
Wonder how long poor DD was there for before they came home.

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Corygal · 24/05/2015 19:34

YANBU. Idle sods.

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changeshow · 24/05/2015 19:35

Omg! You are not being unreasonable ! Don't engage with them, just keep repeating 'no one told us you were out'.

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DancingDinosaur · 24/05/2015 19:36

Crikey. They sound weird.

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fuzzywuzzy · 24/05/2015 19:37

That's insane, did you point out they don't walk your dd home nor has there ever been an agreement to do so?

Did you say to her she should have told you she was going out and ask if leaving her DD with you was ok?

I'd have have told her she was having a giraffe if she thought it was your fault. If she's not going to ask you if it was ok to leave her DD with you then she's completely right her dd shouldn't be sent over to you regularly without prior arrangement.

I would never leave my DC in someone's care without specifically getting their permission first!

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DollyTwat · 24/05/2015 19:38

YANBU my friend and I have a similar open door policy, our boys spend a lot of time together at each other's houses. We always text each other to say if we need to go out - to make sure it's ok. It's curtesy

I have a feeling she won't really ban her dd from playing at yours, as it means she has some peace!

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