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to think these parents should have checked first if they wanted to go out and leave their child with me?

(160 Posts)
Tinklewinkle Sun 24-May-15 19:23:04

Sorry, very long winded title, but I'm bloody pissed off and don't think I've done anything wrong.

DD2's best friend lives a few doors down from us. We have a bit of an open door policy whereby the girls (both 9, nearly 10) knock for each other, if it's nice they tend to play together out the front, or they'll come in (here or at DD's friend's house) and play for a while, then when we get fed up/dishing up dinner/have to go out/whatever we'll send them home.

DH and DD1 are away this weekend and DD2 and I had made plans for a couple of treats. DD's friend came and knocked for her just after lunch and DD asked if they could play for a while. Reminded DD we were going out so they only had an hour or so. All fine.

I sent DD's friend home when we were ready to go, DD and I went out. That was that, all very normal and nothing that hasn't happened pretty much every day for several years.

Anyway, DD and I return and we've been home a matter of minutes before there's a knock on the door. I assume it's DD's friend and go to explain that we were going to sort out dinner and have a movie night, so DD would see her tomorrow. But it's the friends mum.

It turns out that while DD's friend was here, they'd gone out. They'd returned to find their DD sitting on their doorstep and the parents are very upset with me.

At no point had either parent mentioned they were going out, they didn't pop down, phone, text, anything. The friend didn't say a word and I had absolutely no idea they weren't in

Now, there have been times when DD has been there and we've needed to go out. One of us will go down, if it's OK we'll leave DD there if it's not, DD will come with us. I'd never just go out without speaking to them first.

AIBU to think, if you want someone else to be responsible for your child, you should bloody well let them know first. I actually have no problem with their DD staying here when they go out if it's convenient, but they can't just expect me to be responsible for supervising their daughter while they're out if I don't know I'm supposed to be doing so

WipsGlitter Sun 24-May-15 19:24:55

Totally. I wonder about people sometimes.

alicemalice Sun 24-May-15 19:25:37

Of course, yanbu. You're not a mindreader.

ForFlipSakes Sun 24-May-15 19:26:42


HelpMeGetOutOfHere Sun 24-May-15 19:27:06

I would have done the same as you, popped down to say we were going out and either take ds back with me or leave her with you if you said it was ok.

NoArmaniNoPunani Sun 24-May-15 19:27:41

YANBU, they are totally in the wrong.

amothersplaceisinthewrong Sun 24-May-15 19:27:46

They are being completely unreasonable. Last time I looked, telepathy was not part of being a responsible adult. THEY are completely in the wrong and clearly feel guilty and are trying to assuage that guilt by blaming you. IGNORE!

LaLyra Sun 24-May-15 19:28:02


Their child is entirely their responsibility. Going out without checking their child was ok to stay (checking would be rude, they should be asking, but they should at least check!).

They parents should be very upset with themselves for making assumptions. She's their child and their responsibility.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Sun 24-May-15 19:28:52

They clearly think you have no life or plans of your own.

balletgirlmum Sun 24-May-15 19:29:06

I can't believe they were upset with you. What were you supposed to do? Not go out as planned or take the girl with you meaning she'd be missing when her parents returned.

It's ok for them to go out but not for you to do the same!

I'd be seriously considering having the child round at all from now on.

Fairy13 Sun 24-May-15 19:29:22

They are being almost unbelievably U.

MovingToAlnwick Sun 24-May-15 19:29:25

YANBU. I can't believe they had the cheek to leave their DD without asking let alone have a go at you about leaving her.

expatinscotland Sun 24-May-15 19:29:39

YANBU. She'd got a helluva cheek taking the hump with you. 'You never informed me you were going out. It's unfair to be upset with me.'

pregnantpause Sun 24-May-15 19:30:36

Yanbu- but they probably feed bad and it's easier to pass the buck. It's like shouting at your dc when they grab for a knife on the counter top- your not angry at them - you're angry at yourself for leaving the knife there, but you can't help shouting at dc for pointing out your own failing and scaring you ( or they're ignorant entitled prats- one or t'otherwink)

Tinklewinkle Sun 24-May-15 19:30:50

Apparently, I should have walked the DD home to make sure they were in.

We've never done that before, they don't walk my DD home. It's just "right, x needs to go home now, it's dinner/we need to go out/etc" and send them on their way.

The mum was extremely angry - Im irresponsible, DD's friend isn't allowed to play here any more, etc, etc

I'm beginning to wonder how many times they've already gone out without telling me now

The5DayChicken Sun 24-May-15 19:30:59

YANBU...the fucking cheek of it!! What did you say to her??

SanityClause Sun 24-May-15 19:31:09

Perhaps the little girl was supposed to tell you her parents were going out?

In any case, YANBU. If they wanted you to look after her, they needed to ask, and of course, this time you would have had to refuse, because of your plans.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Sun 24-May-15 19:33:39

It's a shame for the girls, but I don't think I'd want her back when her parents are such massive dicks.

Fluffcake Sun 24-May-15 19:33:52


There child is their responsibility. They may have asked their DD to let you know they were going out but they still should have checked. They are probably just upset with themselves but are projecting onto you. Which is also VU.

balletgirlmum Sun 24-May-15 19:34:04

They are the irresponsible ones

They are expecting you to do what they couldn't be bothered to (check their dd was ok)

minkGrundy Sun 24-May-15 19:34:15

YANBU. Hopefully they will calm down.
And no harm done really.
Wonder how long poor DD was there for before they came home.

Corygal Sun 24-May-15 19:34:53

YANBU. Idle sods.

changeshow Sun 24-May-15 19:35:13

Omg! You are not being unreasonable ! Don't engage with them, just keep repeating 'no one told us you were out'.

DancingDinosaur Sun 24-May-15 19:36:53

Crikey. They sound weird.

fuzzywuzzy Sun 24-May-15 19:37:42

That's insane, did you point out they don't walk your dd home nor has there ever been an agreement to do so?

Did you say to her she should have told you she was going out and ask if leaving her DD with you was ok?

I'd have have told her she was having a giraffe if she thought it was your fault. If she's not going to ask you if it was ok to leave her DD with you then she's completely right her dd shouldn't be sent over to you regularly without prior arrangement.

I would never leave my DC in someone's care without specifically getting their permission first!

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