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To think I should end it?

(42 Posts)
Peoplekeepstealingmyusername Sun 24-May-15 18:57:58

I've been with my current partner for a few months now, he's a lovely man, when he's being attentitive he truly treats me like a princess (cringe at saying that) but, he can pull away, cancelling dates etc. He uses the fact that his mother is ill to explain why he can't see me, I have met his mother, she's a lovely woman but, I know he idolises her and would put her before me in a heartbeat (not a problem, I'd never make him choose). Yet, I do wonder if I am being unreasonable because I feel so let down and frustrated, even unwanted when he doesn't talk to me for days or cancels dates because of her. I don't know what her illness is, he won't tell me, but I do know I'd like to be able to support her as well, he just won't let me into this one aspect. Would I be unreasonable to walk away? I keep thinking what if we have kids and I disagree with his mother on something? Or we get married and I need him to stand by me in something but he puts his mother first? Or at Christmas? I'd want to spend at least every other with my family, but I don't know how he'd feel about that?
If anyone thinks I'm overreacting please tell me, Icould do with having some sense knocked into me, I'm just sick of having to chase him when he disapears into himself for his mother's sake like this, it makes me feel like he would rather not be with me.

Flowershower Sun 24-May-15 19:00:40

Sorry, not particularly helpful but my first thought when I read this was 'Run for the hills as fast as you can'

expatinscotland Sun 24-May-15 19:02:54

Time to bin. It's only been a few months. It shouldn't be this hard.

AuntyMag10 Sun 24-May-15 19:03:11

Not even wanting to tell you what the illness is, makes him sounds very dodgy. Sounds like he's using his mother as an excuse to disappear on you. maybe he's married already?

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Sun 24-May-15 19:04:04

I think your gut feeling is right. He could make your relationship more of a priority without prejudicing his relationship with his mum if he wanted to.

BallsforEarrings Sun 24-May-15 19:04:55

Sorry to say that excuse doesn't sound real to me, especially if you aren't allowed to know the details!

crustsaway Sun 24-May-15 19:05:09

Yes, very odd. Missing for days and "blaming" his mother/using her as an excuse comes to mind.


MrsToddsShortcut Sun 24-May-15 19:05:31

In the nicest possible way, I don't think it should be this problematic this early on. This is the ultimate honeymoon period where he is trying to impress you.

Do you believe him? Do you believe this is really about his mother being I'll or could he be 'keeping his options open'?

Sorry to be so negative, especially if you really like him, but it's too eay days for you to be feeling bad.

I think there's someone else out there who will make you feel like a princess but without the angst, if I'm honest flowers

Fluffcake Sun 24-May-15 19:05:38

Agree with other posts - move on.

WhatWouldBlairWaldorfDo Sun 24-May-15 19:06:08

No matter what his mother is going through, ignoring you for days is just rude! It takes literally seconds to text. Even if its just to say "sorry busy with mum, miss you give you a ring when i can"

I had a boyfriend like this waaaaay back in the day. I honestly got to the poit when i just couldnt be arsed anymore. His excuse was always work. My view is, if someone is important to you, you make time for them.

CalleighDoodle Sun 24-May-15 19:06:27

my initial thought was it could be hiv and he just doesnt want his mum to have to deal with the negativity some people have about that.

That aside, i think you should walk away.

MrsToddsShortcut Sun 24-May-15 19:06:31

Aargh! Sorry about spelling!

KenDodddied Sun 24-May-15 19:07:12

I think it's odd that he will not tell you what her illness is. Makes me suspicious. If a man I was with couldn't trust me with that info I in turn would find it hard to trust him.

Have you raised any of this with him?

WhatWouldBlairWaldorfDo Sun 24-May-15 19:07:18

Ps i wouldnt be shocked if he has someone else. Bit too '2 separate lives' for my liking

championnibbler Sun 24-May-15 19:08:08

Ditch. Immediately.
i wouldn't waste one more time minute on this messer guy.
if he really cared about you, he wouldn't let you down constantly and he would move mountains to be with you.
half arsed male = commitmentphobe.

DaisyChain87 Sun 24-May-15 19:09:14

I think you should at least give him a chance to explain first op. Say you're concerned that he can't share issues with you and see what happens?

FlabulousChix Sun 24-May-15 19:09:32

How old is he? Does he still live at home?

Peoplekeepstealingmyusername Sun 24-May-15 19:10:36

I do believe him that his mother is ill, but I agree with all of you that this is so suspicious, he pursued me so hard in the beginning and made me believe he wanted this. I feel so conflicted now, especially as the conversation would go along the lines of "I can't be with someone who's still so attached to the apron strings" but the fact e doesn't bother with me really upsets me. He can be jealous and sometimes will ask me if I've met someone else (after he's been away) and I just want to yell, "if I have it'll be your fault!"
This just seems so unlike him, but then It has only been a few months.

BarbarianMum Sun 24-May-15 19:10:57

Maybe his mother doesn't want you (or anyone) discussing her personal medical information - you don't have a right to know. But if you don't like the way he divides his time bw you then end it. Or talk to him about it if you think it might help.

Peoplekeepstealingmyusername Sun 24-May-15 19:11:17

He's 33 and has his own home

Peoplekeepstealingmyusername Sun 24-May-15 19:13:28

Thing is when I've spoken to him about feeling unwanted (I really don't want to throw this at him and blame his mother, she really is lovely) he's said I'm overthinking.
I agree neither he nor his mother have to share her illness with me and that's why I'm not pushing to know.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall Sun 24-May-15 19:15:47

Bit of a wild conclusion to jump to!

Birdsgottafly Sun 24-May-15 19:27:46

It's very soon to be worrying about what would happen if you had children etc, you certainly seem to need more than he's willing or able to give, yet.

You should be enjoying dating and getting to know each other.

What is happening could be red flags, it depends on what you mean by "treats you like a princess" and if you know for sure that he's looking after his Mum.

WalterMittyish Sun 24-May-15 19:36:44

My first thought on reading this wasn't so much 'mummy's boy' as 'married man'.

"He can be jealous and sometimes will ask me if I've met someone else (after he's been away) and I just want to yell, "if I have it'll be your fault!"
This just seems so unlike him, but then It has only been a few months."

If these are the type of doubts and issues that are there after a few months, I don't think that this is a relationship that's going to last the course.

crustsaway Sun 24-May-15 19:43:23

He's either got another woman on the go.
The type of person that likes the "chase" then becomes rather disinterested.
Or just isnt that into you now.

All of the above are grounds to say goodbye.

If a person doesn't enhance your life they shouldn't be in it.

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