To think most men look at figure first?

[welliesinthespring]

I have been trying to meet somebody, and haven't been very at all successful.

Racking my brains trying to think of why and I have to admit all the women I know who get snatched up have lovely figures - slim and toned and long legs.

AIBU? Or is there something in this?

[bumbleymummy]

Do women not also tend to go for more toned/muscular men? I think appearance probably is a big factor but it works both ways.

[Fluffyears]

I don't like muscular me whereas my friend loves them. Different strokes and some men like slim women my DP and brother prefer curvy (not overweight) girls. Looks fade, people get fat what lasts is a real connection. Me and DP can say one word and fall about laughing that kind of connection keeps us together. You will find that but it takes time, I know an overweight girl who gets asked out loads and she is average looking. Her secret is confidence, she doesn't care what others think of her body she loves it the way it is, try loving yourself,

[welliesinthespring]

Yes possibly but I sense women are more likely to look at the whole package if you like - I could be wrong.

[welliesinthespring]

Yeah tried that Fluff unfortunately I look like delores umbridge!

[HagOtheNorth]

Depends on the man, the first few times OH and I met, I was wearing a large duffel coat. The bodies may have changed considerably over the years, but our conversations are as interesting as they always were.

[welliesinthespring]

I don't think it makes much difference long term but in terms of that initial attraction I think it does.

[Goodbetterbest]

I think it's a general how you look, rather than one specific thing. Someone who is confident, a sense of style and well groomed rather than any single thing.

Mind you, I'm mid forties so most men in my age range are just glad of a bit of interest.

[RagingJellyBean]

I get quite a lot of attention & believe me I'm quite round but I also get drunk men (usually the buff geordie-shore type ones) shouting 'whale', 'harpoon' & other extremely original varieties of fat at me.

I just don't care! When I'm out drinking it's to have a good time and enjoy myself, I'd say I'm pretty confident & non-caring. It definitely shows on the outside and I think confidence is one of the sexiest things a woman can be (to the right guy, of course).

So no, not all men & yes, some men.

[someonestolemynick]

I'm overweight and always have been but never had a problem attracting guys.

As others have said being confident in yourself is key as is an interesting personality/ having something to say. I suggest giving DATING a break and just start doing stuff you enjoy.

Maybe have a look at your wardrobe. Is it full of big jumlers? Maybe see if you can pick up some clothes that flatter your figure (rather than hide it)

[nornironrock]

For me, when I was looking, it was only part of the whole thing...

The question is, where are you looking? Could it be that the people who are in the places you are currently looking, aren't going to be right for you anyway?

Sorry, it's quite a while since I've been looking, but I remember suddenly realising one day that I may have been not going about it right!

These days, I'd go online and use a dating site.

[welliesinthespring]

I'm only marginally overweight (about a stone - BMI 27.) It's more other stuff.

I don't date really :)

[Shodan]

I asked my DH recently what he first noticed about me. He said it was my smile- I looked so happy, compared to the women who were too worried about how they looked to smile.

When asked (and I like to ask, because I'm nosey) the males of my acquaintance have given the following as the things they noticed most/first:

Smile
Shiny hair
Nice teeth
Bottom (quite a few, there )
Eyes.
Skin (DH- this really surprised me)

The point is, they were all individual things. A few mentioned a 'good' figure- but their ideas of a 'good' figure differed hugely! And the smile was easily the attraction most often mentioned.

There will be men out there to whom you do not appeal at all. Likewise, there will be men out there for whom you are the sexiest creature on earth. Which is just as well, because it would be exhausting to have all the men after you all the time

[Shodan]

Hmm.

I feel I should add that I didn't ask the males of my acquaintance what they found attractive about me. I'm not that vain, honest I meant about women generally.

[welliesinthespring]

I don't know, I just don't think anyone would find me sexy, as they never have.

Maybe I'm just not someone who is 'designed' to appeal to men. I do think that might be possible.

[PtolemysNeedle]

I think men do look at figure as being quite important, but then women do the same. I think women are less bothered by weight on a partner than men are, but I think height and frame are as important as weight in terms of what body shapes people find attractive.

[Fluffyears]

DP and I met online he made me laugh and was genuine. I asked what he thought when he saw me first and it was 'she has nice shiny hair!' Nothing about my body.

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

My DD1(19) is fighting the boys off with a stick. She is quite girl next door looking, good figure, rather tomboyish really. She is always laughing though and comes across as a bit ditsy.

I was a bit of a wallflower myself and I am quite shocked that she gets asked out at least once or twice a week, by all sorts of lads, the gorgeous to the geeky. I think it's just that she's very friendly and approachable.

[DamnBamboo]

Not sure that's true.
Smile and hair are right up there.
A nice smile and nice hair on a not-so-slim girl i am told is generally more appealing that lack of both on a slim one.

[agentEgypt]

Guys wanting a shag look at body first

[WindMeUpAndLetMeGo]

Appearance is important and it's the first thing I would notice when single, however if they've not got the personality to back it up with it doesn't matter how good looking they are.

[Nettletheelf]

I'm with agent Egypt. If you go into certain types of bar and club, the men will evaluate girls based on the superficial stuff because most of them will be hoping for a no-strings sh*g. Also, this type of man tends to have little imagination and will think that women are supposed to look like the girls in Zoo/Nuts/FHM or whatever.

[Holowiwi]

Well men with good bodies themselves will probably look for a woman who also have a good body. A lot of men might like a woman with a great figure but their chances with such a woman would be slim at best. It works both ways

[Shodan]

I don't know, I just don't think anyone would find me sexy, as they never have

The thing is, sexual allure is incredibly personal. I know there are always newspaper articles etc about The World's Sexiest Women, but they will only ever appeal to a certain section of the opposite sex. For every man that finds, for example, Cameron Diaz sexy, there will be half a dozen more who think she's just a bit meh.

And it's not all down to pouty mouths and sticking-out bosoms, either. Take a look around you, at all the couples you see walking down the street. What made them get together? Are they all slim/toned/gorgeous? No. Of course they're not- except (one hopes) to the person they are with. It's an indefinable something- something that kind of 'calls' to another person.

What makes it last, of course, is an entirely different set of things- again, unique to each couple.

I would bet that people have found you sexy- but for one reason or another, you haven't got together with them. But that needn't always be the case.

It is all about confidence, really, as loads of others have mentioned. Timing plays its part too. But there's absolutely no reason why it shouldn't happen for you.

[ahbollocks]

From blokes I been out with-
Long hair, nice bum and confidence.
Fwiw I think if you stripped me of all the hair and make up and clothes I woulf be about '4' but with it about a '7 1/2'
In men its all about their charisma for me

[drudgetrudy]

Not sure-I used to be 5' 8" with a slim hour glass figure when I was in my 20s and didn't notice queues of men lining up.
I wonder if it was a case of "nice legs-shame about the face" or if it was more my own shyness at the time and that I didn't radiate confidence and friendliness. I don't think figure is the only thing.