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If youre in your 50s and 60s what would you tell your 40 year old self?

(303 Posts)
Baconontomato Sun 24-May-15 11:28:38

Just that really. I'm lacking direction and oomph and wondered will the wisdom of years help! What should I know about my 40s? I'm a SAHM with young children and a v stale marriage.sad
Does life get better?

theconstantvacuumer Sun 24-May-15 11:30:15

Excellent idea for a thread! My circumstances sound very similar to yours, OP.

Jojoanna Sun 24-May-15 11:34:38

I would have left my husband. Not allowed my son to return home . Sigh would have been so less stressful

MrsNextDoor Sun 24-May-15 11:38:39

I'd like that advice too! Great idea for a thread OP! I'd add those who are older than 60 too.

Euphemia Sun 24-May-15 11:39:28

I'm watching carefully - just holding on to my 40s (49 this year) and my 40s have been shite - I'm hoping some perspective from older people will cheer me up!

pressone Sun 24-May-15 11:40:07

Don't be subsumed by being a Mum, take steps to retain your identity
Get a part-time job, a hobby, volunteer for something that makes YOU feel valued as an individual not "Mum" or "wife"
Get decent overnight childcare and go on dates with DH
Moisturise daily, face neck and cleavage every day
Start cutting back on carbs, they sneak up on you

Selks Sun 24-May-15 11:40:38

Have more fun, enjoy life, don't let work predominate. Invest in friendships.

MrsNextDoor Sun 24-May-15 11:41:49

While we wait, can anyone think of any advice they have had from older people about this period of our lives?

My neighbour who is 82 told me that when she looks at me, she thinks back to how she felt old in her 40s and how she now realises that was such a waste....she realises that she could have done anything she wanted....and also that if she could turn back time, she'd drop most of the housework she used to do grin she says dusting is a waste of time.

FeckTheMagicDragon Sun 24-May-15 11:42:48

Don't let being 40 stop you from doing anything that you would have done when you were 30. Talking work, dancing, relationships, clothes. smile
Don't worry about wrinkles. Or grey hairs. Really not that big a deal.
Value your extra life experiences. You will know so much more stuff, but never stop learning new stuff.

paxtecum Sun 24-May-15 11:43:15

I would have LTB.
I would have realised that he broke our wedding vows by shagging OWs which then released me .
I just thought I had to carry on and on as in for better and for worse.
I thought it would get better, but it never did.

Eventually he left me for a needy alcoholic when I was 50.

magimedi Sun 24-May-15 11:43:19

That life gets better! I am going to be 60 in a few weeks & my 40's & about half of my 50's were pretty stressful with the death of both of my parents & in laws & problems with teenagers. Life is now much easier in so many ways, just me & DH to consider day to day as DC are adult & married.

And I am through the menopause!

Moisturise like crazy & try to keep supple & fit - more aches these days but nothing too bad.

And when you have come out the other side of all those life events it does lend you a calmer perspective.

Plumpeduppillows Sun 24-May-15 11:44:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Baconontomato Sun 24-May-15 11:53:00

Thanks so much for your wisdom! I really thought I'd know it all by now, and it's a shock that I dont!

Birdsgottafly Sun 24-May-15 11:56:56

If you still got a career path that you want to do, go for it, you'll have 25 years (at least) years of working life, most without childcare needed and without Office Gossip and bullshit bothering you anymore.

I agree with finding a personal definition of yourself that comes from outside of housework, caring responsibilities, but don't undervalue what your building with your children, or allow others to do that.

Start to revamp your lifestyle.

Sort out any negative relationships and remove those that can't be improved.

As for sex, everyone I know has much better orgasms post Menopause, alone or with a partner.

LarrytheCucumber Sun 24-May-15 11:57:49

Life seems to speed up as you get older. Make the most of the time you have with your children. Before you know it they will be gone and you will be wondering where the years went.

AppleYumYum Sun 24-May-15 11:58:32

This is a great idea for a thread as usually it is what you would tell your teenage self etc. I'm nearing 40 and feeling old and exactly as advised not to do above, feeling like all I am is a Mum with a side of work. Must try to do date nights and some time to remember who I am hmm.

Birdsgottafly Sun 24-May-15 12:00:31

Wether it gets better is subjective though, for a lot of women I find it depends on if they've had all the children they want and what's happened in other decades of their life.

RubySparks Sun 24-May-15 12:04:32

Overpay your mortgage and save for a rainy day (and the expensive of teenagers). Agree that time speeds up so enjoy your children. Also agree you need to have something that is just for you whether that is work or hobby whatever. Look after your health. Plan for the needs of aging parents.

jessicafrancesca Sun 24-May-15 12:06:14

lovely idea for a thread! And heartening to hear from those who say life gets better. I am full on with my son and work and we are struggling financially - it feels all work at the moment....am hoping my 50s will involve more downtime, less debt, more holidays!!!

BeaufortBelle Sun 24-May-15 12:08:00

I'm 55.

40 is still young. Enjoy it and give life everything. I went back to work and started a new, second career at 42 and it was the making of me and probably turned our marriage into a rock too. It kept me in touch with life and younger people and stopped me focusing entirely on home and school and children, etc.

I also second watch the carbs and exercise because weight did creep up on me and it's harder to deal with it when it comes than before it arrives.

And, I still feel young and still have a lot to learn. My mother's 79 and still wears leather trousers!

Depending how old your children are you need to keep fit and up to date for the teenage years but it does get easier and I was delighted to realise in the Easter holidays when DS was back from university that the lovable, endearing, sunny 10 year old who left us at the age of about 14 had returned at the age of about 20 and DS had turned from a very very argumentative, strong willed and tiresome teen into a very very nice young man to be proud of.

Feminine Sun 24-May-15 12:10:19

What a good ldea for a thread!
The looking back one, makes me feel old!

BathtimeFunkster Sun 24-May-15 12:11:54

Love this thread. smile

Great idea!

Thetruthshallmakeyefret Sun 24-May-15 12:18:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FiftyShadesOfSporn Sun 24-May-15 12:20:23

Lose the weight!

FindoGask Sun 24-May-15 12:26:20

Love your post, BeaufortBelle.

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