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...to be disappointed that none of my three siblings bother with my kids' birthdays?

(17 Posts)
Enidonthebus Fri 22-May-15 18:02:35

My children are 19 and 16, and this year my siblings didn't even bother with cards. My relationship with my siblings is fine, though not close, but we are in constant contact. I think it's wrong but if I raised it, it would cause problems. I have always sent cards to their children, and usually gifts too.

redskybynight Fri 22-May-15 18:12:15

Do your siblings have any sort of relationship with your DC? Because if they don't, I can see why they wouldn't both for an adult and an older teen.

madmother1 Fri 22-May-15 18:17:16

I still send my adult niece and nephew cards. 25 and 31 ! I've stopped presents though. I'm quite close to them though. I would be upset if their Aunt forgot about my children.

Anniegetyourgun Fri 22-May-15 18:19:54

I've just been reminded that today is DS1's birthday blush And a special birthday to boot! Am so ashamed.

Not sure my siblings even know when my DCs' birthdays are.

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie Fri 22-May-15 18:20:22

I have 2 adult siblings and Dh has 5 adult siblings. Only my sister ever remembers my children's birthdays and makes an effort to see them regularly. sad

Thymeout Fri 22-May-15 18:23:43

Do your dcs send cards to their aunts/uncles? It should be more of a reciprocal relationship at their age.

reni1 Fri 22-May-15 18:29:37

DH and I don't with nieces and nephews, neither do siblings, SILs or BILs with ours. We are all quite close and see each other several times a year, never been a problem. I do take an interest in their milestones and education, but birthdays? Meh. I kind of like it that birthdays are our "show" (well plus grandparents) and don't get shared the way Christmas and Easter does.

Sadit Fri 22-May-15 18:35:56

Stop sending to their kids then! Cheeky feckers

Sadit Fri 22-May-15 18:36:21

Sorry posted to soon!
Chucky feckers will probably be on the phone straight away

Fluffcake Fri 22-May-15 18:44:37

I have 8 nephews and nieces, ages ranging from 27 to 15. I bought the all birthday presents up to 18 and then for their 21. I still send cards. On DH's side, none of his siblings have children (yet) and never send my dcs cards or presents. They will reap what they sow....

dreamingofsun Fri 22-May-15 18:51:21

i did my nieces till they were 18 then stopped as my brother couldnt' be bothered. suggest you do the same. i don't really agree with this approach but frankly felt that if they couldn't be bothered why should i

inlectorecumbit Fri 22-May-15 18:53:14

DH was asked by his Dsis for £50 towards their DBrothers 50th birthday present tomorrow. Neither sibbling gave him so much as a card for his 50th last year...

TantricShift Fri 22-May-15 18:57:06

This is a difficulty one and I can see why you are hurt but it does make me wonder about the nature of family relationships and reciprocal relationships as adults. I have 2 nieces and one nephew to a sister who is 9 years older than me. I was 9 when my sister had her first child and 20 and 23 when she had her second and third. I honestly don't feel like an auntie to any of them and have had a really odd time trying to be. I have at times sent cards and money but I haven't seen or spoken to the eldest in a few years and rarely have contact with the other two so I'm not really sure how to handle things now. I remember my own aunties and uncles stopping sending cards and presents fairly early (about 10 or 11) and can't remember expecting anything from them as a teenager as I was a aware they had their own children and we have a fairly big family. I don't have any advice but I think it's about the closeness of the relationship and the current contact as I think it is slightly presumptious of anyone to expect cards or presents if they don't have a relationship with the person other than being a relative.

Enidonthebus Fri 22-May-15 19:15:07

Hi Tantric. I think you're absolutely right. From my point of view, as the third child, I have always felt like the odd one out. Not one of the two close older siblings, and cast out as the baby of the family when my youngest sibling arrived nine years after my birth. As we've grown older, there are all sorts of underlying tensions, many felt most keenly by me. Despite various arguments over the years, we do try to keep in touch, and meet up, with our children, a few times a year. My DC are the youngest cousins, and the oldest are in their thirties. I would say we do have 'relationships', but not genuinely close ones (I feel). That's really why I posted, as I'm not sure if I'm expecting too much, even though it does hurt my feelings. I think if you want to stay on good terms with siblings, remembering their children's birthdays helps. In other words, you do it for them as much as for their children.

whippy33 Fri 22-May-15 19:33:10

Do your children give to their uncles/aunts when their birthday comes around?

GrrrrrBear Fri 22-May-15 19:52:34

My siblings didn't bother with my DCs and so, in turn, I didn't bother with my nieces and nephews birthday. I don't think it matters a jot and I'm glad we do it this way.
We all love to see each other we just don't do birthdays (or Christmases) It's always difficult to know what kids other than your own want and I think kids always get enough from their parents.

I don't equate presents or even cards with love when it comes to aunts and uncles.

TantricShift Fri 22-May-15 20:44:32

I see your point Enid and I too have 2 young DD's who my older brother and sister do buy cards and presents for (and although I don't expect it I would be a little hurt if they didn't). However,they are 5 and 21 months and I do think it is a thing you do with younger children. My nearest sibling in age (2 years older) has a 19 month old and I send him cards and presents for that very reason.

This sounds more to me like an issue regarding your place in the family and acceptance by your siblings (hope you don't mind me saying that). It may be helpful not to see your siblings relationship with your children as an indication of how they feel about you as that might not help you. If you want a relationship with them then it may be better to create that with them but it may be equally beneficial to accept that age gaps can create these odd situations.

I lived for years without knowing my older brother and sister who were 9 and 7 years older than me. I was left with my older brother who is 2 years older than me and who hated me (oh the fun we had). Now I am 40 I have developed great relationships with my older siblings but respect the special bond they seem to have with each other as I know there is a chunk of their lives I had no part in. Hope that makes sense.

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