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to have called my mother ignorant and uneducated?

(84 Posts)
NomiMalone Fri 22-May-15 10:52:58

And have told her that her offensive views are not welcome in my home?

They only arrived this morning FFS.

Subject came up of the bakery in N.I. (where we're from) that refused to make a cake that had a pro-gay marriage slogan.

According to my mother the bakery were in the right. Being gay is a choice, most gay people are just saying they are for attention and it's completely unnatural.

WIBU to lose it with her?

VacantExpression Fri 22-May-15 10:54:19


madreloco Fri 22-May-15 10:55:28

I would have said far worse. Like is being an intolerant homophobic wagon a choice too?

LadyNym Fri 22-May-15 10:56:20

NU but might be easier to just agree to disagree to keep the peace if you know you won't change her mind. Easy for me to say as someone whose mum told her through childhood that she'd love a gay child because it would give her a change to show everyone what an awesome, tolerant, liberal mum she was!

So, totally understandable to lose it but maybe not worth the hassle.

Wolfiefan Fri 22-May-15 10:56:28

YANBU at all. It is so sad that anyone in this day and age could feel like this.

NomiMalone Fri 22-May-15 10:59:38

She also said "Isn't that a bad looking woman" about a rape victim who was just on the news.

And then passive aggressively said to the dog ",Oh we aren't allowed to say what we think now are we Dog" when I gave out to her hmm

She's not usually this much of a bitch.

NealCaffreysHat Fri 22-May-15 11:00:35

YANBU at all. I would have done the same.

fortunately Fri 22-May-15 11:03:01

God no. I'd tell mine to stfu and if she couldn't control herself she could go home.

GiddyOnZackHunt Fri 22-May-15 11:05:40

Being gay is not a choice. Being an intolerant blinkered old grump is.

SweetAndFullOfGrace Fri 22-May-15 11:08:39

If it were my DM (although more likely to be my DF!) I would tell her that she's more than welcome to say what she thinks and I am similarly allowed to vocally disagree with her and think she's a narrow minded bigot who is wilfully ignoring the horrible effect that opinions like hers have on other people.

coolaschmoola Fri 22-May-15 11:09:30

It may not be a choice though Giddy. As people age apparently their filters decline and they become ruder for want of a better word. I've certainly noticed it with my mum.

NomiMalone Fri 22-May-15 11:11:23

She's only 59 and quite youthful.

Conversely my Dad is 70 and is fully supportive of equality and would be voting 'Yes' today if they lived in the south.

grannytomine Fri 22-May-15 11:12:51

coolaschmoola, I think that is true. Personally I am planning on being very outrageous but hopefully not offensive. I have always thought outrageous old ladies were awesome and being totally outrageous is one of the few advantages of getting old. I think I might have to start soon or it might be too late.

grannytomine Fri 22-May-15 11:13:53

NomiMalone, oh no, she is younger than me. No age is no excuse for her. You are definitely NBU.

OnlyLovers Fri 22-May-15 11:15:08

YANBU. I'd have told her much worse too.

Off topic but I must applaud the use of the word 'wagon' in 'intolerant homophobic wagon' grin.

peggyundercrackers Fri 22-May-15 11:15:56

i think the bakery were right but not for the same reasons as your mum has. the bakery should be able to refuse orders in the same a way pub can refuse to serve their customers.

NomiMalone Fri 22-May-15 11:15:58

YY I love wagon too grin

Adding it to my insult vocabulary!

Anniegetyourgun Fri 22-May-15 11:17:56

I was wondering about "wagon", thought it must be an Autocorrect Strikes Again situation. Is it actually a thing?

WiIdfire Fri 22-May-15 11:21:20

I'd have asked her to tell me about the time when she 'chose' to be straight. How old was she? Had she dated girls before then? What made her 'choose' to be straight rather than gay?

HazelBite Fri 22-May-15 11:22:43

Age is not an excuse, I have known much younger people with very intolerant views, I would guess that she has never known or has had any close contact with any gay people.

Icimoi Fri 22-May-15 11:25:02

peggyundercrackers, no pub can refuse to serve customers for reasons that are based on discrimination against people on the grounds of race, gender, sexuality or any of the other protected characteristics set out in the Equality Act. Of course it is wrong to disobey the law.

OpheliaBitz Fri 22-May-15 11:26:01

YANBU. I am trying to gather together all my courage so that I can finally tell my breathtakingly condescending and dismissive DF exactly where he can shove his views on Muslims, gay marriage and a few other choice topics.

I salute you, Nomi

hesterton Fri 22-May-15 11:27:02

My mum is in her late eighties and completely comfortable with gay marriage. Age is not the issue here. Rude people come in all ages and you don't necessarily have to become ruder as you get older.

Cherryblossomsinspring Fri 22-May-15 11:27:10

It's very upsetting to discover your parents are bigoted/homophobic/racist etc but all you can do is try to teach them a new way if thinking.

OnlyLovers Fri 22-May-15 11:27:32

wagon is a thing, yes. Correct me if I'm wrong but I think it's mainly an Irish/northern Irish term.

Closely related, in my mind anyway, to 'baggage'.

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